Paulette's Ramblings

Empathy

2011-09-19T13:22:00.000-07:00

Empathy is defined as the ability to feel the feelings of another person. You can put yourself in their shoes and feel their happiness or in this case their pain. For the last eight years I've watched on TV as the names of the people lost on 9/11 were read aloud at Ground Zero. I saw in the crowd people holding photos of the loved one they lost. Each photo a story of a life cut short. This year I saw some of those family members in person. I SAW the photos with my own eyes..not on TV..right in front of me. All the faces I'd only seen on a television screen were looking back at me. The family members were passing me in the crowd. None of them knowing how far I'd traveled to be there. I was just another face among many.

We left before all the names were read and went down into the subway. On the bench in front of me was an elderly lady with two young men sitting on each side of her. In her arms in front of her she clutched a photo. The closer we got I was able to see it better. The face looking back at me was a handsome man in a fireman's uniform. His smile was so bright. Just one of those smiles who could put you at ease. She had his picture held tightly against her chest..close to her heart I expect. From her age and the age he looked to be, I guessed it was her son. I thought of my own son. I can't imagine the pain a mother would go through losing her child, grown or not. Parents just aren't supposed to bury their children. I watched her as she held the picture..staring blankly at the floor. I just wanted to hug her and tell her how sorry I was for her loss. I remembered in my pocket I had an angel penny. I walked over to her and took her hand gently and placed the penny in her palm. Lightly squeezing her hand as I did. I will never forget her eyes as she looked up at me. The look of sadness, loss, hurt, grief and pain in those deep brown eyes was unbearable. I just looked back into them, turned and without saying a word walked away. When I was a few feet away I looked back to her and she was gone...like she and the men with her vanished. I assumed the train came before I turned back..but when I told my son William the story he made me think twice....he said, "Well mama...maybe they were angels....." Maybe so William.....maybe so...

If that mother had anything good happen all day, I'm hoping my angel was part of it.

Thank You Paulie

2010-11-24T14:56:00.001-08:00

As a parent, I think all you want is for your children to be happy. You do what you can, with what you have and when you can. You would you move mountains if you could..whatever it takes. But sometimes you fall short and the disappointment is almost more than you can bear. This feeling of disappointment was weighing heavily on my heart when I left home last Thursday morning. After declining the offer of a new home last year, my one and only regret was I wasn't going to meet the cast/design team of Extreme Makeover Home Edition EMHE for short. It's one of my favorite shows. Last week they came to Savannah to build a home for a local family. Bill and I volunteered to help and we were able to meet the design team...but my kids weren't. Madison was so upset with me. She cried on the way home. I felt like a complete failure. Thursday was the last day..my last chance to make it happen. Madison made a poster..an "I LOVE YOU PAULIE" poster to be exact. The kids and I are standing with all the other people who gathered to watch them "move that bus" ..while Bill is doing his best to get them a chance to meet the team. I was never really sure about fate or destiny..until now. Within a matter of minutes we were placed in a VIP spectator section. Still in shock over that...Madison has her poster..and who sees it? Paul DiMeo himself. He came over to her and she was so overwhelmed that she started to cry again. This kind hearted man took my daughter by the hand with my son following behind and gave them a personal tour of the home. When they came back, she was speechless. As if that tour wasn't enough he asked her to hold his camera! I don't think I've ever seen her glow like that. Her happiness was on the inside and it was showing on the outside.

My words can't convey what was and still is in my heart. How do you thank someone for going above the call for your child? For giving them a memory that you know they will cherish for a lifetime? EMHE gives people homes, they change lives. That day..the family getting the home weren't the only ones whose lives were being changed..my family was being changed as well. The bus moved and a wish was granted for the Simpson family..and with a hug from a kind hearted man my daughter's dream came true as well. Thank you Paulie....I'm forever grateful to you.

Simple Things

2010-11-04T07:53:00.000-07:00

In today's world we have so many ways of staying in touch. The one that I use most often is text messaging. It's quick, easy and requires very little effort. I don't think I ever really gave much thought to how much a text could mean. I doubt most people ever really think about it when they're sending one. A couple of weeks ago I was at USO and I saw exactly how much a text can mean. It was a deployment flight going to Iraq and it was around 5 AM. I was standing behind my table waiting to help any soldier who needed anything. A female soldier about my age came over and asked if she could charge her cell phone in the outlet behind my table. I told her sure and she bent down and plugged it in. She said that she had to hurry because her fiance would be texting her. She said that every morning he sent a text when he woke up. No matter where he was. That the moment his eyes opened he reached for his cell and sent her a message. I smiled as I thought of how sweet that was. She plugged it in and went to walk away but before she got 10 feet away it went off. She ran back, got on her knees and picked up her phone. From a distance I watched a smile spread across her face. Her whole face just lit up in happiness. A happiness I knew came from her heart. She read the message and sighed. I saw her begin to type back. She lowered her head and I saw her wipe a tear from her cheek. She finished typing, hit send and put her phone back down. She just sat there looking at the floor with her hands in her lap. I could feel her sadness in my own heart. I just wanted to hug her and comfort her. But I didn't want to intrude on her. I saw her wipe her eyes, get to her feet and walk toward the ladies room. I followed her and she stopped to talk to another soldier. I passed next to her and without stopping or saying a word I put an angel penny into her palm. I gently gave her hand a little squeeze and went into our store room. I never looked back. When I came back out she was there waiting for me. She looked at me and mouthed the words "thank you". I patted her arm, went back to my table and stood there fighting back tears. I thought of how much every morning she will miss those text messages. I thought of her fiance reaching for his phone to send her a message...but she isn't there to text. It made me grateful for all the simple things I take for granted. Sadly it took someone else's pain to remind me to appreciate things before they're gone.

The 2297th Victim

2009-09-11T08:27:00.000-07:00

The 2996 Project was made so that all the victims, 2,996, would be remembered on this day. In my heart it should 2,997..because one victim who had no voice is almost always forgotten. Most people have never heard of him...well here he is..and here's my remembrance of him.

On this day eight years ago the world was changed forever. The victims of September 11 should never be forgotten. I'm taking this day to remember a victim who had four legs instead of two. A victim who I feel is forgotten because he wasn't a human. He was a Port Authority Police Canine. A four and a half year 90 pound yellow lab named Sirius. And the only canine officer killed in the collapse of the World Trade Center.

On the morning of September 11, 2001 when the first plane hit Sirius was put in his kennel in the basement of tower 2 by his partner Officer David Lim. David told him, "Wait here boy, I'll be back for you." But sadly he never made it back for his partner. David Lim was trapped in a stairwell when the first tower collapsed. While trapped he kept repeating, "Oh no, my dog. I have to save my dog." But Officer Lim along with several others weren't rescued from the rubble for many hours. In the meantime the second tower had collapsed, taking the life of his faithful partner as he sat waiting in his kennel.

On January 22, 2002 Officer Lim received a phone call from Ground Zero, his partner had been found. He returned to the site where his partner had been placed on a gurney and covered with an American flag. As he carried his friend's remains from the rubble all the work on the site stopped. The big machines silenced and salutes were given as Officer Lim made good on his word. He came back for his partner.

On April 24, 2002 a memorial service for Sirius was held in Liberty State Park. Over 100 police and search and rescue dogs attended the memorial. Many of their badges covered by a black ribbon. A trumpeter sounded Taps and bagpipes played Amazing Grace. A single pallbearer carried Sirius' ashes in a wooden urn. Handlers and dogs from as far away as California paid tribute to a fallen officer. Officer Lim was presented with Sirius' water bowl which was recovered from his kennel. It had been inscribed with the words "I gave my life, so that you may save others." In his words to the crowd in attendence Officer Lim said,"I grieve for many friends that I lost that day. I grieve for all those that I didn't know. I also grieve for the best partner I ever had. "

May the dog star shine forever bright in the night sky..you will never be forgotten Sirius.

Robert J. Mayo

2009-09-10T09:37:00.000-07:00

True heroism is remarkably sober and very undramatic. It is not the urge to surpass all others at whatever cost. But the urge to serve others at whatever cost.

September 11th 2001 was a day I won't ever forget. It was a tragedy, but out of tragedy came stories. Stories of courage, love, compassion, loss and sacrifice..and stories of everyday people becoming heroes. Please allow me to take the time to introduce you to one of those heroes. He was a 46 year old deputy fire safety director at the World Trade Center. His name was Robert J. Mayo. His life was lost when the second tower collapsed. But before I tell of his demise, I'd like to share a few things I learned about his life..a life taken far too soon. He was a husband to Meryl and a father to an only son Corbin. He had a big heart and took in and nursed stray animals back to health. He loved planning family vacations. He enjoyed landscaping and working around his house. He and Corbin were both huge Giants fans. So much so that they turned their family room into a "shrine". They put on Giants hats, drank from Giants glasses and watched the games together. He was a thoughtful and loving father to his son. Leaving notes each day to his son..scraps of paper, backs of envelopes or napkins..just anything to leave a message on..whether it was good luck on your test, have a nice day or most importantly...I love you..he made sure Corbin knew he thought of him. And on the second anniversary of the attacks..Corbin was able to say all the things he never got to say to his dad before he died.

Corbin Mayo wanted to speak to his father again.

Two years ago, on Sept. 11, the boy began calling his father's cellphone. He called for days. Robert J. Mayo never picked up. Mr. Mayo, a contract fire safety director for the Port Authority of New York and New Jersey, had helped evacuate a building and stayed on duty despite his wife's pleas over the telephone to leave. He died in the south tower.

Yesterday, a slightly taller, tougher Corbin Mayo, now 13, strode across the stage at ground zero to read the names of some of the missing. His gray suit was a touch too big, as if waiting for the boy to grow into it. Then, before a sea of tear-streaked faces, he said: ''And my father, Robert Mayo. I love you.''

They were words his father needed to hear, he said earlier -- words that held a new and bittersweet meaning. It was through Mr. Mayo's death, and only after Corbin's anger began to thaw, that the son could touch the truth about his father: He was a brave man.

''I want to tell my dad that I care about him much more than I did before,'' said Corbin, an only child who lives with his mother, Meryl, in Marlboro, N.J. ''I care about him a gazillion times more.''

September 9th, 2002 Corbin was presented the Medal of Valor at the White House in honor of his dad. He spoke of how proud he was of him because of his bravery. I have little doubt that Robert Mayo is looking down on his son and wife and is equally as proud of them.

When you sign up to write these tributes it's difficult because you are truly writing about someone you never met..a total stranger. But once you research them, you feel as if you are somehow connected. And although I never got the chance to meet him, I am connected to his family now...after seeing the Early Show piece about my USO work his wife made a donation in my honor to the USO. It truly touched my heart to have someone who had lost so much be willing to honor me. I just hope this piece doesn't let her down.

Robert Mayo could have easily ran from the building and saved himself. Instead he chose to stay behind and help others get out. No one knows exactly how many lives he saved on that day. All I can say is he sacrificed his own so that others may live.

What we do for ourselves dies with us. What we do for others and the world remains and is immortal.

Coming Through Our Line

2009-07-24T05:04:00.000-07:00

There's something really special about sunrise on the tarmac. Because sometimes it's the last sunrise the soldiers will see on American soil for a while and sometimes it's the first sunrise they see back on American soil. I'm blessed to be part of either one. This day started out bittersweet. I was working my third deployment flight for that day. It was around 6:30am and I had been at the terminal since 12:30 the night before. I still had three more flights to work. The sun was rising, soldiers were walking to the plane and the whole sky was a beautiful deep pink. The color that only mother nature can you give you and can't be duplicated. I'm watching the soldiers go by wondering if they notice the sky. the last sunrise they will see on American soil for a long time. I just quietly watch..lost in my thoughts. When the soldiers leave they pass thru a line of American flags..on one side the flags are held by the Red Cross on the other by USO..there's seldom less than 4 large flags billowing as they pass and the volunteers cheer them on. The same is true when they come home. they walk thru the line of flags, cheering volunteers and well wishers. The plane loaded and took off. We watched until it disappeared into the morning sky. Then we all went in and got ready for the next flight...but this was a homecoming. I'm in the store room when I hear a lot of people talking. A lady comes in our room and says there's a wounded soldier in the building and his unit is on the plane. He has come to meet them. I finished what I was doing and walked out of the store room. There he was..a smiling happy guy..in a wheel chair..with 2 little boys a wife and his dog. :) We got word the plane was coming so went out and lined up like always. We saw him making his way over to the plane stairs. I noticed someone with a walker. We all thought maybe a second wounded warrior was on the plane..but nope. When the soldiers started getting off the plane, from across the tarmac, I saw that soldier stand and greet his battle buddies. And he stood up using the walker until every soldier was off the plane. I was so busy watching him I wasn't paying much attention to the soldiers who were home and passing me! Each one going thru our line of flags and cheers. I saw him being wheeled back over to where we all were. He took a place closest to the door but back from our line. I couldn't take my eyes off him. I'm not sure if I have ever seen that much emotion in a person's face. He was smiling ear to ear..but something just bothered me. That's when I realized..he hadn't been given a "proper" Savannah homecoming..he hadn't come thru the line. So I asked a Warrant Officer with him to please see if he would go thru. She went over bent down and whispered to him. The look on his face brought me to tears. He looked down the line at the flags and in a few minutes went to the beginning of the line and waited. We always stay outside until every soldier is in the building. It's hard to tell how many are left since they all wear the same thing lol. One of the volunteers said.."ok..that's it. They've all come thru" I said no, that's not it yet." He looks and says oh yeah I see one more coming...when that soldier passed the volunteer AGAIN..said that's it..I said no it's not..he looked at me funny and started to say something else..I'm usually very quiet and don't speak out much..which explains the look of shock on his face when I firmly said NO IT'S NOT it..we have one more...and I nodded to the soldier in the wheel chair..the volunteer said..oh well he doesn't count..he's not coming thru the line..I said like HELL HE DOESN'T COUNT!! And he IS coming thru so stand down and wait...thankfully the soldier in the wheelchair didn't hear any of this..and with the last of the soldiers off the plane thru the line..his wife pushed him thru the flags, down the line to the loudest cheers anyone got all day...his face was beaming with pride, my eyes were blurred with tears...he came thru the line..and now he was officially home.

2009-06-01T05:34:00.000-07:00

My first night as a USO volunteer was January 22, 2005...a night I will never forget!

Last night I went to Hunter Army Air field, here in Savannah. I went as a volunteer for the USO. It was first trip and I sort of nervous. I get really emotional when it comes to certain things. And our troops as you probably know happen to be one of those things. There were a couple hundred troops from the 3rdID leaving last night. So I went to help. My job was hand out Krispy Kreme doughnuts! OH NO not Krispy Kreme!! Anyway, I was so amazed at how relaxed and young these guys were!! They were ready to do their job. I watched them line up and board the plane. I was lucky enough to be on the tarmac when they left. I stood in the 30* temp waving a tiny flag. I watched a plane filled with American pride disappear into the night sky. I watched the lights until I could no longer see them. I wish I could describe what I saw and the feelings that I felt. I am overcome by the emotions today. I hope I can go back many many more times. I wish I could have thanked each one of them. But instead I had several actually thank ME! Thank ME for standing there and handing out doughnuts. They made a special effort to come and say thank you. There are just no words to express my gratitude to them.

2009-06-01T05:04:00.001-07:00

Think Before You Speak!

I am always amazed at people who feel the need to share their opinions with you. Especially if you didn't ask. I know everyone has an opinion and has the right to share it. That's called freedom of speech..that's one of the things our military fights for. But what about when someone decides to use that same freedom against a military member? In the past month I've been witness to this a few times. I have had to let my soldiers, my friends, speak for themselves. I have almost bitten my tongue slap in half while doing this though. While talking to one of "my soldiers" I asked him if he missed life in Iraq. He has just returned stateside in January. I was pretty surprised by his answer. He said, "Yes, I do miss the life there." He said,"Life there made sense and I didn't have anyone telling me what I was fighting for was wrong." He went on to tell me about having a lady come up to him in an airport. He said she walked up and asked if he was military and he confirmed that he was in the Army. Well..for some reason she thought it would be a good idea to "share" her opinions with him. She told him he should go AWOL..never go back to the Army. She said she had a son and when he turned 18 she was taking him to Canada. Now why in the world would you go up to a total stranger and unleash on them like that? She didn't know him! I really wish I had been there. I asked him what he said to her when she was finished? He said her told her to have a nice trip to Canada.

The occasion I had the hardest time with though was with my friend Darrin. We were standing on a side walk and he was in uniform. A man came up to him and started telling him what he thought of the President and how we shouldn't be in Iraq...blah blah blah. Well after about one minute of it I was done! I knew I had to back off and let Darrin handle it. And he did. He defended the President, he spoke for our military and gave his views. That's when I heard the phrase I've grown to just LOVE to death.The man said, " I support our troops, I just don't support the war." Oh my God!!! I can think of very few things that send me over the edge faster than that! I just wanted to beat my head on the sidewalk. But I could only shake my head. When this man left this lady came up.. she told Darrin not to pay any attention to that man. She said she supported the troops...she had a magnet on her car and everything to prove it! Ya know..call me crazy, but I always got the impression supporting the troops went just a TINY bit further than the magnet on your car. Gosh..maybe I've gone overboard with all the care packages, letters. post cards and hours at USO??? I had no idea it was as easy as sticking that magnet on my car! Go figure. But that's ok, she can have her magnet..I'll keep supporting troops in my own way. And trust me it means more than a magnet

2009-06-01T04:59:00.002-07:00

Remembering...

I feel as if I should write something for today. But with the day almost over, my mind is still blank..yet my heart is full. I'm a simple person and I think I could be described in a few words..wife, mother, friend..and a patriette ( is that a word? if not it is now) So how can i possibly describe to anyone what Memorial Day means to me? Where do i even begin? How do you remember and pay tribute to those who believed in something so much that they were willing to lay down their lives for it? That's too big for me to wrap my brain around. But I can tell you from my bubble what i witness and what I know. I have seen tens of thousands soldiers leave for overseas. Most times I'm the last person they pass by before getting on the plane. I'm the very last smile, hand shake, be safe or touch they get..because the harsh reality is they won't all come home..Even though the USO motto is "Until They All Come Home"..even the USO can't make that happen. So how do I put that into words? Knowing I'm the last one..it's a heavy weight to carry..but I get to go home to my family..they go to war. They sacrifice everything they have..so i can go home. So I will carry the weight of being the last one. They may not remember my name or face..but they will know someone was there for them.
Which brings me to today..I had all intentions of going to Warriors Walk today..but i didn't make it. I bought the flags and windsocks to take..they are still wrapped up in the bags..i didn't make it. Did I forget? HELL NO..I would NOT and will NEVER forget. One of my soldiers came over for the day. He was alone at home and didn't want to be. So he stayed here. I asked him to go with me to Warriors Walk but he said no. He had memories of his own to remember his friends by. I respect that but I also made a promise to two families..I gave my word I would always try my best to take something to their loved ones tree. and was guilt ridden over the thought of letting them down..but I thought of it all..my soldier was friends with one of the fallen I was going to see..so I wondered what would he rather me do? Leave his buddy alone to go remember him at Ft Stewart? Or remember him in my own way and take care of his buddy? Soldiers are selfless..so I knew the answer. I stayed home. And at sunset I sat alone holding my flag up to Heaven and whispered words of gratitude to each brave soul looking down on me and the sight of the tiny flag blowing in the wind. I guess it doesn't matter how you remember..just so long as you do..
Tomorrow..I go to Ft Stewart and I will keep my promise.

said 6 days ago Edit · Delete · Permalink · 0 Comments

2009-06-01T04:59:00.001-07:00

The Human Spirit

I have only recently become a fan of the TV show Extreme Home Makeover. I always thought the show just went around and picked people who needed home repairs done. Boy was I wrong! The older episodes come on CMT every day. Almost each one is a family who has had some form of tragedy happen to them (which is why they need help). I cry every day when I watch it. Most people ask me why I watch it if it's sad and makes me cry? Well..because even though it's sad, it ends happy..or bittersweet at times. It feels cleansing. The show I watched today was bittersweet..a dying mans wish was granted..and he literally passed within days of seeing his dream come true. Sadly he never made it out of the hospital to actually see the home that was built for his family. But he was awake and aware that it was being done. His wife said that he would live on in the house long after his passing..his spirit would be there. And she didn't mean as ghost spirit..but the essence of him. As I sat on the floor glued to the TV tears made familiar trails down my cheeks. My kids both watching silently with me..and neither of them asked why I was crying. I suppose they felt the same pain the family was feeling..of the kids who just lost their dad. I sat and watched and thought...what incredible beings we humans are. Each one of us so different and special. Some of us give all we have to give..and others take all they can take. Some of us are kind and generous. Others are selfish and greedy.Some of love to the point of being taken for granted. Others never really learn to love at all. Some of trust to the point of being made a fool. Others lie because it's easier than telling the truth.Yet we all possess a spirit.. the spirit of a human is an incredible thing. It can be lifted, renewed, revived, lifted or broken, crushed and killed. I would know for I have experienced them all. But somehow I always bounce back..what does that say of my spirit?

2009-06-01T04:58:00.001-07:00

Ryan's Story

I wanted to tell you a story about a young wounded soldier who came to the terminal one night to greet his battle buddies who were returning home. His story was first written by a Red Cross volunteer named Carol. She is also the founder of the Adopt A Soldier program. She writes a column for the newspaper here. You can find her article here:
http://savannahnow.com/node/638823 But even though Carol told the story, I too wanted to tell it. Because I was so inspired by what I personally witnessed and it's something I will never forget. So here is Ryan's story in my words:
I was coming from the storeroom when I saw a young soldier in a wheel chair sitting by the USO table. He was being pushed by another soldier and there was a woman with him. I walked over to my table. The Colonel saw me and called me over and introduced me. The guys name was SGT Ryan Shurtleff and the woman with him was his mom. He was here from Tampa to see his friends return home. I shook his hand and in doing so placed an angel penny in his palm. he opened his hand, looked at it and said, "thank you mam. I can use an angel right now." I told him considering he was here I'd say he had one somewhere. People began gathering around him. Mostly officers who had been in Iraq when he was injured. He was answering questions..yes sir..about a week sir.....until I saw a corporal and a specialist walk over to him. he looked up and in a single movement was out of his chair and standing up straight. He clutched his 2 buddies in a group hug. Each one had a hand on the back of the head of the other. We all just stood and watched..then he lost his balance and sat back down in his wheelchair. Only then did I realize that he wasn't supposed to stand up. His feet couldn't take the weight of his body. His accident happened less than 3 months prior. every bone in his body had been broken. He wasn't supposed to live...yet here he was..standing in front of me...and he stood for his buddies. I was in awe. the more I heard of his condition the more I admired this brave young man.
When the time came for the plane to land i saw him being pushed with his mom out to the stairs. It was dark so it was hard to see anything really going on. I could see him and see men bending over hugging him. When all of his unit had gotten off the plane I saw the Colonel pushing him our way...the Colonel wanted him to go thru our line so he could get a welcome home. I saw him coming. He was being pushed thru the American flags that line each side of the welcome home line. His face beamed with pride as USO and Red Cross volunteers were stopping him, thanking him and shaking his hand. All but me..I stood there with tears running down my cheeks ...applauding him..unable to say a thing. Then it dawned on me..his accident was September 25th..Christmas was three months to the day later. The day he was going to walk again. Not everyone gets their wish granted on Christmas..but I sure hope he did.
I have had the chance to witness many things that just leave me speechless. Acts of kindness, courage, selflessness to name a few. I try to write about them so i can share with everyone who takes the time to read what I have to say. I am not a writer and don't claim to be. I'm the person behind you in the line at Walmart. I'm the person in the car next to you at the red light. There is nothing about me that would make you give me a second glance. I just happen to be fortunate enough to be a USO volunteer. And my fellow volunteers I work with are some of the best people you could ever know. Together, along with the Red Cross we are blessed to be able to support the heroes of this country, the troops.

said 5 months ago Edit · Delete · Permalink · 1 Comments

2009-06-01T04:57:00.002-07:00

Yesterday I Laid A Wreath

Yesterday was Wreaths Across America. I attended the ceremony at Fort Stewart and it was called Wreaths For Warriors Walk. It was a chilly day, but the sky was as beautiful a blue as it could be. This year I laid my wreath on the tree of David Kirkpatrick. A young man I never met, but I sent off to Iraq. a young man whose family I have become quite fond of. They live in Indiana, so in their absence I chose his tree. I also took some Christmas ornaments to hang in his tree. I got my wreath from a table covered in green wreaths with red ribbons..all waiting to be placed on their trees. I walked to his tree and was surprised to see the teddy bear I placed there in July still there and in good shape. I placed his wreath at the trunk of his tree and fluffed the red bow. I placed his bear in the middle of the wreath. I then placed the faded family photo next to the bear. I thought of the family who has been left with a hole..an empty place that will never be filled. I swallowed the tears and let out a deep breath. I was surprised when i turned to see a tall young man in Class A's and a CAV hat standing behind me watching me..his wife by his side. I turned back to the tree and hung his stocking. Feeling a little unnerved by them standing behind me I turned and asked if he knew David? He stepped forward and said," Yes mam..he was my room mate." I asked him if he'd like to help me hang the ornaments on the tree? " I would love to help you mam." he said. So together he and i decorated the tree. He talked about David and all the good times they had together. He said he missed him terribly. I had a silver star in the bag of ornaments..and I told him it seemed only fitting that he put the star on the tree. His eyes welled up with tears and he said thank you. He chose a branch high up in the tree for the star and tied it.We stood back and admired our work and talked for a bit longer. I asked if he had ever met David's family? He said no because he was deployed and with those words his voice broke and tears filled his eyes once more. He said it should have been him that night instead of David. He said he blamed himself. I hugged him and told him no...I put my hand on his shoulder and looked up at him..looked him in the eyes and shook my head no. I told him things happen that we can't control. It was not his fault and for him not to blame himself..as i spoke to him tears fell down my own cheeks. My heart broke for this young man..this proud young soldier standing before me so filled with remorse. I had no comfort to offer him. No words i could say could help his pain. I could only try to reassure him that it wasn't his fault..and when my words fell silent we turned our attention back to the tree of his friend. It was then that we noticed..OUR tree was the ONLY one blooming. The tiny pink flowers in all their glory..right there for this special day..on this special tree..of a special young man whose life was taken too soon.

2009-06-01T04:57:00.001-07:00

He Brought It Back...

I spent much of November sending off the Texas National Guard. The fact that Thanksgiving was only a few weeks away didn't escape me. I couldn't help but think of them and their families on Thanksgiving. the empty chairs they would have at the dinner tables on that day and every day until the deployment is over. I got to spend a lot of time with several of the deploying national guardsmen. I made several good friends..so my heart has been a bit heavier this year than usual. But my life as a volunteer is an emotional roller coaster..I go from sending soldiers off and them miss Thanksgiving to bringing them home just in time for Christmas. I worked my first redeployment (homecoming) for this particular brigade last night. Most people who read my blog know about my angel pennies. I have worked hundreds of flights now and have easily given away hundreds of pennies. So I don't remember where all the pennies go..some yes..all NO. Last night on the tarmac I had a group of over 300 soldiers come home. As I was driving to the flight I noticed the gate to get on post was decorated with wreaths, garland and lights. As I passed thru I remembered thinking how awesome it was that the first Christmas lights these soldiers would see would be the ones where they are exiting the post. It seemed fitting in some way..like a greeting to them..a welcome home. So with that on my mind I went to the terminal to wait for the plane. And right on time the unmistakeble roar of the engines could be heard. I haven't had a plane come home yet that didn't give me butterflies. There is NO sight like seeing a soldier touch US soil again for the first time. Words cant describe the sense of pride you feel. For a group of over 300 this group was pretty quiet and laid back. and as they made their way inside they weren't rushed. Almost everyone of them made eye contact with me as he shook my hand..and every one said "thank you". It's truly moving when one wants to hug you..and you say "welcome home" and they quietly say.."thank you mam" as their head is against yours. We never go inside the terminal until the very last soldier is in. Each one gets welcomed home. The terminal is a huge open room...So I'm walking across this huge open room filled with soldiers and one soldier is making a bee line right for me. I don't realize it's ME he's coming to until he holds his arm and points to me. I stop..kinda stunned wondering what i had done wrong this time! lol...he gets close to me and says" 14 months ago as i was about to walk out to the plane, you gave me something. You told me to hang on to it and bring it back to you when I came home. I have had it with me every day of those 14 months. To be honest mam..I don't really want to give it back unless you really want it." I was grinning..and I knew what it was he had..but I asked anyway..he said," Mam it's a penny..and it has an angel cut out of it. And like I said you can have it back if you want it..because I gave you my word and all..I was worried the whole time I was over there because I couldn't remember what you looked like. and i was afraid I wouldn't know you..but as soon as i spotted you outside i remembered your smile..and I said to myself..THATS HER!!..so here I am mam." By this time I'm near tears..I hug him..and as i hug him I tell him, " No..you keep the angel..she's yours. I didn't want YOU to bring HER back...I wanted HER to bring YOU back...welcome home."

said 6 months ago Edit · Delete · Permalink · 3 Comments

2009-06-01T04:56:00.002-07:00

Thankful

I'm thankful for times like this..watching Charlie Brown with my son and my soldiers.

2009-06-01T04:56:00.001-07:00

Entry for November 11, 2008

Today is Veterans Day. A day set aside to take the time to honor the patriotism, courage and sacrifice of our armed forces. For all those past and present who dedicate their lives defending the freedoms of our country. I'm not sure exactly how to express my gratitude to these selfless men and women. Monthly for the last 23 months I have sent off and brought home plane after plane of soldiers returning from overseas. Yet I still don't know how to properly say thank you. When a plane deploys the soldiers walk in single file line thru a line of cheering USO and Red Cross volunteers. At the end of the line are two American flags. I recently saw a soldier walk past the flag turn around come back and kiss the flag. This happened to be the same soldier who had earlier in the day told me he didn't mind going overseas. He said if he went, it meant another soldier got to come home. How can I properly thank him? I'm lucky enough to also volunteer with veterans. They range from veterans of World War 2, The Korean War, Vietnam and the Gulf War. One day I was standing next to my friend Jack who is a Vietnam vet. He told me that he volunteers because he wants to make sure each soldier gets a proper welcome home. Because he didn't when he came home. After a few minutes of silence I softly said.."hey Jack..welcome home. I know it's late in coming, but welcome home." He looked down at the ground and said,"better late than not at all...thank you." How do I properly thank him? How do I properly thank the guys I can see waving to me as their plane taxis away? Or the guy I saw get to the top of plane stairs only to turn to around and blow us all a kiss? Or the guy who was shaking so bad he couldn't put his angel penny on his dog tags? Or the guys who thank me for volunteering? Or the young girl I saw heading to the plane with a teddy bear sticking out the top of her back pack? Or the guy who is walking to the plane and looks back one more time? Or the line after line after line of soldiers I see heading off to war? Or the ones who come and sleep on my living room floor? Or the ones who play with my kids? Or the elderly man who served with pride? Or the man who struggled to get out his wheelchair to put a dollar in my donation bucket? Or the man leaning on his cane I stood next to last year in NYC who saluted the flag as it went by? How do I properly say thank you to any of them? I don't think I can..but until I find a proper way..I will just say thank you. Your sacrifice and service does not go unnoticed.

2009-06-01T04:55:00.002-07:00

It Makes You Wonder

I took this picture a few nights ago and tonight I watched a sunset almost as beautiful. I'm always amazed by sunsets. I guess because it's the only one you will get for that day. You will never have another for that day..that's it..one shot. Kinda like life..you get one chance to live. As I sat and watched the sun go down beyond the trees and the colors deepen it was hard to imagine that anything bad or negative could be going on in this world we live in.
So as I sat watching the sunset..I found myself deep in thought. I wondered how many people would not live to see another sunset. How many people would lose someone they loved before the next sunset. How many people had tears flowing down their cheeks just like I did. How many people sat hurting. How many people felt taken for granted. How many people tried so hard to give their life meaning. How many people knew they didn't matter. How many people tried so hard to make someone love them..only to realize that they couldn't. How many wondered if they disappeared would anyone even notice. How many people felt that no matter what they did they would never be accepted. How many people went to sleep hoping they wouldn't wake up. How many people did things that weren't appreciated. How many people smiled on the outside yet wept on the inside. How many people just wanted to love with all their heart and be loved in return. How many people were even taking the time to notice the sunset at all....once again..I'm alone.

2009-06-01T04:55:00.001-07:00

September 12th, 2008

I spent all day yesterday watching TV and remembering 9/11 all over again. This is my first 9/11 since visiting Ground Zero last November. It's hard to believe I walked those same streets. The same streets that so many of my fellow Americans died on..cried on..bled on..ran for their lives on..stood in disbelief and horror of what they were witnessing. To say I have actually been there and walked on hallowed ground.it seems unreal to me. Maybe because 9/11 is the day that forever changed my life. I know it changed almost everyone's life in some way, but it had a profound effect on me. Having lived in a military town all of my life I had taken it all for granted...well all that came to an end. I got to see up close and personal the sacrifices that were being made by the men and women in uniform I had shared my community with. I knew it was time for me to give back. It was my turn to do something for them. I began sending letters and care packages over seas, then joined USO..and here I am..still going strong. The irony of all of it is yesterday was 9/11..the day that started it all for me. The day that caused the War on Terror to begin..and tonight 9/12, I sent off a plane of soldiers to go fight that war. Most of them only 18-19 years old. Most of them going for the first time..most of them quiet..some of them scared...none of them happy to be leaving their families. So in groups of 20 they walk in single file lines to the waiting plane. It was a beautiful night on the tarmac..a full moon with a few white clouds..a nice breeze. I watch as each goes up the stairs. A lot of them have tiny American flags stuck in their helmets. I can see the outlines of the flags against the full moon behind them. An incredible sight to see. And inside I'm dying..I have done over 400 flights..and I will never get used to seeing that line of soldiers leaving. The brave faces they try to put forth..and the ones that just can't take it and tears fall down their cheeks as they go by. I stand and wonder..yesterday was 9/11..and today they're going off to war..do they put the two things together? The whole reason they're going is because of yesterday..because of what yesterday meant. Then I wonder how many people put those two things together? Way too many people have forgotten 9/11..they moved on with life and put it behind them...yet here I am all these years later still sending young people off to fight the same war. The exact same war everyone supported 7 years ago. How do people forget? How can you forget?
So the plane is loaded and ready to go..I stand off from the crowd like I always do..I stand alone in the light so I can be seen. And I wave. I don't want them to think they have been abandoned. My eyes filled with tears when I saw a single window shade go down..then up..then down..then up..then I realized it was one of them letting me know they could see me. Then I saw other hands waving back and forth..they could see me and were waving back. I had to choke back sobs..they were actually waving back..not one or two..but several! It was at that moment that I knew I was where I was supposed to be. Call it fate, destiny, or just dumb blind luck..whatever it was..I was meant to be on that tarmac tonight..9/12 2008. God please be with them and bring them home. I will never forget..the troops are counting on me to remember.

2009-06-01T04:54:00.002-07:00

Sirius

On this day seven years ago the world was changed forever. The victims of September 11 should never be forgotten. I'm taking this day to remember a victim who had four legs instead of two. A victim who I feel is forgotten because he wasn't a human. He was a Port Authority Police Canine. A four and a half year 90 pound yellow lab named Sirius. And the only canine officer killed in the collapse of the World Trade Center.

May the dog star shine forever bright in the night sky..you will never be forgotten Sirius.

said 9 months ago Edit · Delete · Permalink · 0 Comments

2009-06-01T04:54:00.001-07:00

Remembering.....

It takes only a picture to bring back all the memories and pain of September 11th. One single image can trigger thousands and thousands of thoughts.

2009-06-01T04:53:00.000-07:00

Nose Prints On a Glass Front Door

One month ago today I lost my best friend Pepsi. I'm still not quite "right". I know that time is supposed to heal all wounds, but I think the person who made that up never suffered pet loss. I'm not saying that losing a person is any less painful. It's just a different kind of pain for me. The guilt is overwhelming at times. I have relived that moment when I opened the garage door and found her lying lifeless on the cold concrete more times than I can count. I see her everywhere I go. I expect to see her coming across the yard to follow me like she always did. Out of the corner of my eye I can see her sitting on the couch. I catch myself going to feed her. But the hardest thing has to be the nose prints on the glass front door. She didn't like being by herself so when you put her outside she didn't like it. She would sit at the door and look in at us. If we tried to ignore her she would scratch the door. and continue scratching it until you opened it and let her in! All the while she's smearing and smudging the glass with her nose. Leaving her mark. It would take me forever to clean that door. But now I can't find the heart to clean it. So the prints remain. The prints are all i have left of her and I know once they're gone..she will be too. i have many times sat and traced the smudges with my fingertips..remembering the face that put them there. How she would fog up the glass with her hot dog breath. So now my door is streaked both outside and in. The outside with her nose prints and the inside with my tears.

2009-06-01T04:52:00.002-07:00

Once In A While...If You're Lucky

Once in a while...if you're lucky..you make friends who help you be the person you want to be. They inspire, encourage and give you confidence. When you need advice or someone to listen, they're there. You know you can always count on them when you're down or in a bind. I am very lucky because I have quite a few people like that in my life. But I feel especially blessed for my friend CJ. Since I began blogging he has been my strength and the reason many people found my blog in the first place. He has a site: http://www.soldiersperspective.us/ and he refers people over to read my stories. In addition to that he supported me with the Microsoft Award happenings. IE my sounding board for my speech and asking his readers to go vote. One thing I most admire him for is his site www.theyhavenames.com/ which he started to make sure that fallen soldiers weren't just blips on the news..just faceless numbers in the paper. To make sure that everyone knows that each fallen has a family, has a face, a story..but most of all a name. He has a huge heart and I know writing these stories has to take a toll on him after a while. But he continues writing to make sure the fallen aren't forgotten.
He was in Savannah last week and I got to see him. It wasn't for long, but I was grateful for the little time we did have. I don't know when I'll see him again..and I can live with that . Because even though I don't see him in person..I know he's there when I need him . And that is a bond that no distance will break. I will accept only seeing him once in while..because I AM lucky. I hope my words are able to convey the heartfelt gratitude and admiration I have for him. The world would be a much better place if there were more people like him. Those of us who call him a friend truly have a treasure. Thank you CJ..thanks for just being you.

No distance of place or lapse of time can lessen the friendship of those
who are throughout persuaded of each other's worth....Robert Southey.

said 9 months ago Edit · Delete · Permalink · 1 Comments

2009-06-01T04:52:00.001-07:00

Saying Goodbye To A Dear Friend

On a regular weekday back in 1991 my husband Bill went to our animal control shelter. He went to help transport some dogs being rescued by a local animal welfare group. I have never been able to understand how one dog can be picked over another dog..one chosen to live while another is left to die. I couldn't do it. But thankfully some are saved. On this day they were looking and pulling dogs from the fate of the death row gas chamber. Bill sees a small little dog, a black and white mixed breed. The other people just walk past her. Bill walks over and she sticks her black nose thru the cyclone fence and looks up at him with her deep brown eyes. "How about this one? She looks cute." he says to the head lady. She looks at him with distaste and says,"No, that dog isn't what we consider adoptable." Bill looks back at the pleading brown eyes and says he'd like to save her. That we would adopt her. And so we did. Pepsi became part of our menagerie. Determined to not let the big dogs mistake her small size as a weakness, she quickly picked a fight and won with each of our big dogs. And so it began..our life with a pit bull trapped in a beagle sized body. When we had children she stood guard next to the bassinet. She cleaned the floor of all crumbs and made sure no food went to waste. She had a great love of plastic bags. She would role on them, sleep on them and eventually get tangled in them. It was so bad that I had to make sure no bags were left on the floor in my bedroom when I went to bed. If she found one she would wake even the deepest sleeper! My daughter on more than one occasion had to call me to get her backpacks and purses away from the dog. it wasn't unusual to see her dragging them thru the house around her neck. She had a fondness for sleeping on clothes too. My soldier Jason couldn't lay his stuff anywhere in the house that she didn't find it and make a bed out of it. And Heaven forbid you wear black and come to my house! You were certainly leaving with Pepsi hairs on you! She followed me every step I made every day. If I went to the bathroom and didn't completely close the door, she had no problem at all pushing the door open and sitting in the doorway. I wasn't allowed out of her sight. And nobody came to our house that she didn't meet. If they made the mistake of sitting in "her chair" she would stand and stare at them until they moved. She had the most personality of any dog i ever had. Then she got old. First came the white glasses as we called them. She had white rings around her eyes. She moved slower, slept more and couldn't hear. I had to make hand motions like an air traffic controller to tell her what i wanted her to do. My family made fun of me..but it worked. Then she started coughing and I recognized the cough. Fluid on the heart..which meant Lasix..which meant a LOT more trips to the bathroom if she made it that far. ( the living room carpet took a beating) I had to make the decision to make her sleep in the garage on a bed. A decision I did not want to make and regretted. She had always slept with me. In the last week or so she started panting..constant panting and pacing. The vet said it could be anytime. her heart was enlarged and she had fluid built up. Bill and my son went to Orlando one more time before school started. I just couldn't leave her. I wasn't trusting her care to anyone. so my daughter and I stayed home. On Sunday I went to get her from the garage. She came in and was walking to the front door and she fell over. I froze and just looked at her..then went over and was petting her. She got up and was ok for the rest of the day. But I was worried. I was going to bed that night about 11. She was laying sleeping in the living room. I sat looking at her and wondered if i should just let her stay in the house. She couldn't hurt the carpet after all it's ruined and something just didn't feel right. I got a shower and decided to put her in the garage anyway. I found her sitting next to my daughter and i picked her up and carried her to the garage. I put her on her rug and turned on her fan. As I went to leave i heard her get up to follow me. I didn't look back but hurried on out and closed the door. i always felt guilty leaving her in the garage so I could never look back at her. I just didn't know that it would be my last chance to ever see her alive again. She passed away during the night...She was getting up to follow me for the last time. And I turned my back on her and left her to die alone in that garage...and for what? So I wouldn't have to clean the carpet? It's ruined anyway!! Now I have to try to live with the guilt of leaving behind the best friend I ever had. Leaving her to die on a concrete floor alone..how can I ever heal from that?

said 10 months ago Edit · Delete · Permalink · 2 Comments

2009-06-01T04:51:00.002-07:00

A Great Loss

On July 25th my father in law passed away at 74 years old. He suffered long and hard for over a year. But now he is at peace. He was so many things to so many people. Proof of that could be clearly seen at the line of people (which went well out the door) paying their respects at the funeral home. Knowing him was like reading a book. At the age of 15 his sister "doctored" his birth certificate so he could join the Marine Corps Reserve. Which he did and not long after that he found himself in Korea. He was wounded twice and survived the battle of the Chosin Reservoir which earned him the name of the "Chosin Few". He was very proud of his military service, as he should have been. The saying "Once a Marine always a Marine" never rang so true as with him. He has a room filled with military memorabilia. When I took my soldiers over for Christmas one year he took them in there. He shared stories with them about his time in hell. They appreciated his wisdom and service.

After serving in the reserves, he came home to be the closest thing I've ever known to Forrest Gump! He bought him a shrimp boat and became a shrimp boat captain. He didn't have a friend named Bubba, his first mates name was Pork Chop. There wasn't much he didn't know about the river, the ocean and seafood.

Fast forward to today..we laid him to rest today. He had full military honors..21 gun salute, TAPS and bagpipe playing the Marine Corps Hymn . My husband has been very strong thru all of this..up until they were lowering his casket. Everyone else had left, except me my husband and my daughter. From a distance we watched them take the site down. First the chairs, then the tent..one thing after another. As they were getting things ready and putting the lid on the vault which held his remains..I heard the unmistakable cry of a red tailed hawk. He was an avid bird watcher and loved hawks. So I hear the cry and look over our heads and there's the majestic bird he spent so many hours watching. It swooped right over our heads. soaring and plunging with grace. I placed my hand on my husbands shoulder and said," Hey honey..there goes your dad. The hawk came down and has him now..he's soaring up in the sky over us now." He looked at me with tear filled eyes and said,"I hope so." The casket began to go down and as if on cue an Air Force jet flew over,then another..then the third. Just as the casket was out of our sight the third jet came over. My heart caught in my throat as I witnessed the most incredible coincidence of my life...as the casket settled the jet tipped his wings to the right and went straight up into the clear blue sky. None of this was planned and I couldn't believe what I just saw. I looked at my husband and asked," did you see that!!??" He was speechless and just shook his head yes. Then he said thank you. He said he was so lost in thought that he never would have noticed the hawk or the jets. He thanked me for pointing it out to him. I think he found great comfort in these incredible coincidences. I was so glad to be able to do that for him. RIP Sonny..may you always soar on the wings of your hawk

said 10 months ago Edit · Delete · Permalink · 1 Comments

2009-06-01T04:51:00.001-07:00

No Words Needed

I took this picture at a homecoming..I don't think I need to explain it. Welcome home!

2009-06-01T04:50:00.002-07:00

American Rain

I know for myself this 4th of July was different from years past. I usually have my family over for a cookout and we have fireworks. This year though it didn't happen. I'm not sure why, but it didn't. I remember grumbling because it just "didn't seem like the 4th." It was a little disappointing. Even though I had 3 of my soldiers, my friend John, my kids and my husband with me..it just didn't seem like the 4th.I'm not sure how I managed to do it, but I overlooked what I had been doing July 1st, 2nd and 3rd. It had slipped my mind that over those three days I had brought home several HUNDRED soldiers from Iraq. I had helped reunite all these families, yet it hadn't occurred to me. It wasn't until the night of the 6th that it all hit me. I, along with my other volunteers are standing on the tarmac waiting for a plane to come in. It's about 10 pm and as clear a night as you could ask for. I can see the lights of the plane..here it comes. As if on cue, just as the planes wheels touch the ground off in the distance, miles away, someone is setting off fireworks. But they hadn't been until the plane came. What an awesome coincidence!! A plane with 250 plus soldiers coming home from war and fireworks going off in the background. I was in awe.
As I said it's 10pm so it's quite dark on the tarmac except for these huge lights that shine on the walkway to the plane. We're all standing in the shadows (not purposely) so the soldiers coming off the plane can't see us. We begin to applaud and cheer and they look over. As they look our way I step into the light..followed by my other volunteers. The soldiers faces lit up brighter than the runway lights! They were so thankful we were there. Each one had a big smile as they filed past. Then out of nowhere, not a cloud in the sky, it began to drizzle. Not enough to wet anything, but just enough to let you feel it. A soldier coming towards us stopped. He removed his helmet, tilted his face to the sky, held his arms wide open and as the rain drops fell he yelled," American Rain, American Rain!!! Thank You God..I love the rain!!" We all just stood there and watched this take place. Then he walked to us, gave the first lady a hug, and came to me and shook my hand. I told him welcome home and said ," I'll bet you didn't know, but we had it rain tonight just for you. We knew you were coming home." With an ear to ear grin he said, " Thank you mam, I never knew how much I missed rain......American rain." And he made his way inside the building. I saw him again later as he filed out to get on the bus. He waved his tiny American flag at me and bid me a goodnight.
So after thinking of things..maybe the 4th of July wasn't such a disappointment after all. Maybe I should be thankful for every single thing in my life..whether it's big or small. One thing is for sure..I will always carry two images in my head..the fireworks going off in the sky behind that plane as it landed..and the image of that soldier with his face to the sky enjoying his American Rain.

2009-06-01T04:50:00.001-07:00

Honoring Her Son

Last week I was able to attend the homecoming of 294 soldiers from the 2nd Brigade Combat Team (2BCT) at Fort Stewart. The sun was shining ( it was hot!), the birds were singing and smiling faces were all around. Families had homemade signs, flowers and balloons all saying WELCOME HOME! It's an awesome thing to be there when soldiers come home from combat. The happiness and sheer joy can be felt in the air. So much so that you're almost able to forget where you are..you're almost able to ignore your surroundings, you're almost able to not notice the trees. But all you have to do is look left or look right..and there they are. They align the sides of Cotrell field with their majesty. Each one a testament to a fallen soldier..each one a living memorial. And they force you to remember those who didn't make it back. This day was no different. The welcome home ceremony was over. Family pictures were being made. People were milling about and leaving. Then I saw her..one lone mother with a bouquet of red, white and blue balloons blowing behind her in the breeze as she made her journey down that concrete path..making her way to her son..her sons' tree that is. This was her son's unit..they had come home. The other families got their soldiers back, she has a tree. The sadness of seeing her alone..walking down that long walk of trees.. made me silently praise her courage and strength. She made the trip to see the friends and comrades of her son come home. This had to be a painful day for her, yet there she was. And soon she wasn't alone, two soldiers had left their families and walked over to her and hugged her. As they stood looking at the tree one of them got weak in the knees and just sat straight down on the ground. The other knelt down and touched the granite marker engraved with the name of his friend. The mother stood between them, a hand resting on the back of each. Before long the Boy Scouts circled them and they all said a prayer. Then the Scouts left, the soldiers hugged the mom, walked back to their families and the mom was alone again. Just her and of course the tree.

2009-06-01T04:49:00.000-07:00

My Perspective

I'm sitting here filled with so much emotion..a raw aching feeling in my heart. I know I should write something..I NEED and HAVE to write something. Yet I have no idea where to begin. I'm angry, I'm sad but most of all I'm reflecting. Reflecting over the last 15 months of my life. I can't watch TV anymore, because it makes me furious. I have yet to see a single commercial or program which deals with the meaning of Memorial Day. I see sales, cookouts, vacations..but no remembrance. Maybe if more people have spent the last months of their lives in the same way I have they'd get it. I was standing on the tarmac today next to the Adopt A Soldier lady here. We were standing in the rain bringing home a plane from Afghanistan. When the rain got too hard we moved under the over hang. We stood clapping as the soldiers made their way off the plane. The rain was really coming down..their first steps on American soil and it's pouring. But funny..they didn't seem to mind. I could hear someone yelling at them to do something with their weapons. In front of me stood 128 US soldiers..in the rain..fidgeting with the their weapons. I remarked to her that it doesn't seem real to be bringing home soldiers. She agreed. And then it hit me..since January of 2007, not a single month has gone by that I haven't sent off a plane. Every month..15 months..soldiers going out. thousands and thousands of faces and names. Hundreds of stories and memories. Each one burnt into my mind. haunted by ones who didn't come home. Thankful for each one who did or will. Plane after plane after plane. Waving to each one and praying for those on board..wondering if it will ever end..never ever getting used to seeing that line of backpacks walking to the stairs. Remembering every thank you mam..every word..every postcard or letter that gets placed in my hand. Every family that I feel I helped rip apart..Every hand I touch..every scared glance I return with a smile..every reassuring word I've given..every tear I've shed..every flag I've held..I too have had a 15 month deployment. I just never left home.
So I ask of you..please..while doing your sale shopping..your BBQ's..your vacations...please take a moment and reflect and realize the meaning of this holiday. and say a prayer of thanks to all the families who will have that empty seat at their picnic table..that wedding that will never happen..that birthday that still comes but no reason to celebrate...please be grateful for the brave souls who sacrificed so much on our behalf.

2009-06-01T04:48:00.002-07:00

In Memory and In Honor

Our calendar is comprised of 12 months and 365 days. Each day has a special meaning to someone. Each one an annivesary of something. Weddings, birthdays and certain milestones are all things we celebrate. We look forward to them coming each year. However there are other events which occur that we don't celebrate. We simply remember. We choose to remember because the event shouldn't be forgotten. September 11, 2001 is one example. April 27, 2007 is another. April 27, 2007 is just another day on the calendar to many people. But it is a day of great pain to others. It's a day that a life was saved and two were lost on a lonely road in Iraq. On a dusty, dirty road two young honorable men died while serving their country. In an instant their worlds ended so very far from home. Two lives, one 20 and one 21 cut short before they truly began.

Now on the one year anniversary I remember them along with the families and friends they left behind. The memories of that day will never fade. With each year that passes the reminder of this tragedy will be on the calendar. Even though you'd like to forget , the day still comes. It's still there time after time and year after year. And you're forced to remember, to go back and reflect.

The horrors of that day continue to haunt those who were there. I've seen the effects of what they witnessed there. I've seen the pain and agony in their eyes. I have seen grown men shed tears as they relive it. Their bottom lips trembling as they try to make it thru one sentence. The anger, the pain, the heartache, the helplessness, the sadness and worst of all..the guilt. The guilt over surviving, the guilt over not being there and the guilt over not being able to do more. And the haunting question of why..why did this happen? A question for which there is no answer. A question which no comfort can be given. No resolution can be found. The worst question there is...why?

I have always been told that time brings healing. I believe that to be true to a point. I don't think you ever truly heal from some things. Time soothes the wound and makes it easier to get thru the day. But you never truly heal, because you never forget. There's always a reminder..and that same haunting question......why......?

Do not stand at my grave and weep,

I am not there, I do not sleep.

I am in a thousand winds that blow,

I am the softly falling snow.

I am the gentle showers of rain,

I am the fields of ripening grain.

I am in the morning hush,

I am in the graceful rush

Of beautiful birds in circling flight,

I am the starshine of the night.

I am in the flowers that bloom,

I am in a quiet room.

I am in the birds that sing,

I am in each lovely thing.

Do not stand at my grave and cry,

I am not there. I did not die.

RIP PFC David Kirkpatrick and SPC Eddie Tamez

2009-06-01T04:48:00.001-07:00

It Matters

When I was little I remember every time I left my grandmas house the last thing I saw was her waving. She stood in the doorway of the back door and waved, then went inside to her kitchen window and waved as we drove away. The last thing I always saw was her waving. I don't know if it's a southern thing or what, but I have carried on the tradition. I wave to my family until they're around the corner and out of sight and since being a USO volunteer..I wave to airplanes. I felt silly at first waving to a gigantic aircraft. But I knew the plane had windows and people were looking out. People who weren't going on a vacation. They were soldiers who were leaving their families behind and going into a foreign country. If anyone deserved to be waved to, it was the ones on that plane. So it began..the waving. With each flight I do my best to stay on the tarmac to see the plane off. And of course wave. I encourage anyone standing next to me to wave also. I tell them "not a sissy parade beauty queen wave..wave as if you're on a deserted island!" I have always wondered really if the soldiers on the planes noticed us out there. I knew some did..but I just always wondered still what it was like on the plane when they saw us. I had my question answered by one of the Indiana National Guardsman in an email to me. He had been outside with us on many deploying flights and I'm sure I wondered aloud about the waving. Well, he remembered. He said, "Oh by the way, we can see you waving. The whole plane got quiet and we all just watched you wave. I looked at the faces and wondered about all the things going thru their minds. Some of them even tried to wave back." When I read that email I cried. I cried so hard it surprised me. It was like years of questions and wondering had been answered. A sense of relief came over me because I KNEW something as simple as a wave mattered. It made a difference to those who needed it to. The thought of a deploying soldier looking out the plane window and seeing no one standing there has always been a thought I couldn't bear. The thought of them feeling abandoned was heartbreaking. I will do my very best to make sure that never happens on my watch. I will continue to wave.
It's always the simple things we overlook so often. We take them for granted. My grandma passed away about 5 years ago. I'd give anything to see her wave just once more.

2009-06-01T04:47:00.002-07:00

Warriors Walk in Bloom

I was at Fort Stewart yesterday. I don't get a chance to go there often but when i do I always go to Warriors Walk. Yesterday I was there at sunset and it was beautiful. The sunset was brilliant and best of all the trees were in bloom. To go there always means reflection. A time to look back, think and remember. It's a place to restore hope.
I heard the news yesterday... 4,000 deaths in Iraq. 4,000 is a number. Behind that number lies 4,000 faces, 4,000 names, 4,000 lives 4,000 grieving families. Countless memories and tears .

2009-06-01T04:47:00.001-07:00

Angel Penny and the Salute

I am currently in the midst of sending off the Indiana National Guard. This has been an amazing group of people to meet. They have been so gracious and friendly. I wish I could have met them all under different circumstances..a happier occasion than having to deploy them to Iraq. I was at one of the deployments the other night. I was standing at my postcard/letter writing table. I saw a young female approaching the table from my left. She had two cards in her hand. She stopped to place her cards in the mailbox we have for them. But before putting them in out of the corner of my eye I saw her close her eyes and kiss each one. Then I saw her put them up to her forehead as if she was filling them with her thoughts. As tears ran down her cheeks she ever so gently put the cards into the mailbox. Even though she was less than three feet from me I didn't want to invade on such a personal and private moment. She turned and went back over to her spot on the carpet. A while later I was going into our storeroom and she crossed right in front of me. I could she was still crying. I touched her arm and reached into my pocket and got something so tiny, yet so powerful..I got an angel penny, turned her hand over and placed it in her palm. I held onto her hand and looked in her eyes and told her not to worry..everything would be fine. With her bottom lip trembling she thanked me and I let her go. The time came for them to line up and she just happened to find herself in front of me again. She looked over and smiled. She held the penny up between two fingers and said," I still have it right here mam. I'll take good care of it." I knew in my heart that tiny penny meant something to her. She found comfort in a time and place that little comfort was available. I was glad I was there. The time came for them to board the plane. I'm standing inside the hallway looking into the room. One of the soldiers who had been training this group was standing next to me. I told him about seeing her cry and he asked me if I talked to her? I told him I did, but I didn't mention the penny. Then I saw her sitting up in the bleachers. She came down to find her place in the line. Her group started leaving and she came thru the doors and saw me standing there clapping for them as I always do. To my surprise to stopped in front of me, came to attention and saluted me. It took all I had to keep my composure. Then off she went to serve her country. The soldier next to me asked me if that was her? I shook my head that yes, it was. His next words I will never forget..he said, "Well, after seeing that..I'd say you helped her alright. I'd say you made a big difference to that young lady." I just stood quietly with my hand in my pocket rubbing an angel penny. Something so tiny yet so powerful.

2009-06-01T04:45:00.002-07:00

The Hardest Night

Last night I sent off a plane to Iraq. Out of the 4 years and hundreds of planes I've sent off, I think last night was the hardest yet. Driving to the airfield I saw the deploying soldiers with their families. I'm always grateful that I don't have to see this happening. But last night, there they were. I drove on with a sense of sadness. This is the hardest part of what I do. I sometimes feel I help in tearing families apart. Even though I know I don't, it can be very depressing. So I make it to the airfield and set up all of our tables and wait for the soldiers to get there. When they come in the building we're there to greet them as them come in a single file line. I notice one guy passes me with his arm bandaged. Hmmm..ouch. Once inside they eat chow and then come thru our line for the care bags we give them. With close to 200 soldiers in the room it's hard to spend a great deal of time talking to each one. So I'm handing out the bags and this one soldier was asking me about the CD in his bag. He's looking at it..and he starts sniffling. I thought he was pretending to cry. so jokingly I said,"what in the world are you crying about?" My heart almost stopped when he looked up..his eyes were brimmed with tears..he said," I miss my daughter..I didn't get to say goodbye." I told him it was ok..that he wasn't saying goodbye anyway..it was just see you later. he went on to tell me she would be five before he made it back home. It was his first child and that she was his life. I kept trying to console him. I slipped an angel penny into his hand as another soldier came up behind him. He moved on down the table away from me. I helped the next soldier, but kept my eye on the other. I finally lost sight of him in the sea of ACUs. A little while later I was talking to my other volunteer telling her about him. She said I should try to find him if it was bothering me so much. I looked and looked and never found him. A soldier overheard me talking to her..and he spoke up and said he knew who it was and he'd make him come back over to me. About 10 minutes later he came back and said he heard I was looking for him. I told him yes I was..that my aunt wanted to talk to him. So he went over and I saw her writing down his info. I went into the storeroom to get more supplies and as I was coming out he was coming toward me. I smiled at him and before I knew what happened he was hugging me and sobbing. Right in the middle of the busy room. His face was just buried in my neck and the sobs racked his body. I hugged him back and told him everything was going to be fine..please don't worry..it will be fine..I promise. I tried so hard to help him..I didn't know what to do. People were staring at us but I didn't care. At that point he and I were the only people in the room. I kept saying it will be ok ..and he kept saying yes mam..I finally had to let him go and with great reluctance he let me go. He looked down at me with the saddest eyes I've ever seen..he whispered..I'm sorry mam..I put my hand on his cheek and told him he nothing to be sorry for..he said thank you..and turned and walked away. By this time I too am crying..I'm trying so hard not to..but the tears are leaking out anyway. I went to the Adopt a Soldier table and found his card and got his name. About an hour later he was back at my table. He was trying to write a postcard home. But he couldn't write. He was the guy with the bandaged hand. I found out later he had dropped a TV on his hand and the pins were removed 4 weeks early so he could be deployed. Another soldier came up to him and wrote the post card for him. That was the most endearing sight. When they were finished writing he was walking away and I called him back over. I walked over to him and took my support our troops band off my wrist and gave it to him. "bring this back to me ok?" I told him. I told him I got his email and I was going to email him. Looking down at the wristband he said, "mam..what's your name?" I told him my name..and still looking down he said, "I want to thank you mam. I don't think you know how much you have helped me tonight..I really appreciate it." when he finally looked up his eyes were teared up again. I smiled and said..that's what I'm here for..and again he turned and walked away. I watched him go sit on the floor alone and look at the wristband. Then I put him on a plane and sent him away. And with a heavy heart I cried all the way home.

2009-06-01T04:45:00.001-07:00

The Making Of A Volunteer

Please meet my friend John. John is best friends with my soldier Jason, which is how we met. He came to visit in October of 2006 and liked it so much here he moved here from Connecticut. Since meeting John that October he has been a constant source of support to me. When my soldiers left he told me that he knew he couldn't fill their shoes but that he'd be there for me if I needed him. It was then that we became fast friends. Because in talking to him, I realized that he, just like me, felt left behind. Apparently at some point he had plans with Jason to join the Army. For whatever reason his plans fell through but Jason continued on. I think in John's eyes he thinks he somehow let Jason down or that he is less of a man for his decision. He couldn't be further off. In talking to him over these months I have found him to be very genuine. He possesses a kindness that is hard to match. And a quiet strength about him that's unfathomable. It was all these qualities that made me decide to bring him into my little bubble of a world. I saw him on the outside looking in. Asking me about USO, deployments and troop support. So when I won the trip to NY, I made sure he got to come along. He rode the train over from Connecticut and met us at the awards. I was so glad to have him there and introduce him to my friends Brian and Michelle. But most of all I wanted him to meet my soldier Will Castillo. I didn't want him to be on the outside anymore. I think I can truly say he had a memorable evening. He moved to Georgia 2 months later. I had asked him if he'd be interested in going to USO and volunteering with me? He said he would. So on a night that he was off work early enough l took him to his first homecoming. The planes are seldom on time so we spend a great deal of time waiting and standing around. As we're standing there a chaplain comes up and shakes my hand and thanks me for being there. Then does the same to John. Even after all this time I still get misty eyed when that happens...then I realize it's the first time John has ever been thanked. I look over at him and he has the biggest smile..I say," It just doesn't get better than that does it?" He shakes his head no. Finally the plane comes in. A huge c5 that breaks thru the rain clouds and leaves us all saying WOW!!!!! It lands and the soldiers start coming off. The look on his face was priceless. He was as happy to be there as I was. And I was so proud to have him there. I was so glad to be able to give him that experience. And to be able to show him that not everyone belongs on those planes. Some of us have to stay behind so we can be there when they come home. If everyone is on the plane then who will be there to cheer and applaud as the troops go by? You don't need to fill anyone else's shoes John. You have your own shoes to wear.
You never know the heart that beats inside of a person until you give them the chance to shine. And there is nothing stronger than the heart of a volunteer. I have a message for John. It's from one of my soldiers in Iraq....he said to tell you...thank you.

2009-06-01T04:44:00.000-07:00

My Tiny Friend

Once again I find myself grieving the loss of a friend. Not a human friend, but a four legged friend. Most people will have little sympathy for that kind of loss. But to me, in my world, it is equally as devastating to me as a human loss. I have had my dogs longer than my kids and most of my human friends. Please let me to tell you about my friend, Bink Bink AKA Princess AKA The Binkster...About 14 years ago a couple dropped off this 6 week old Pekingese puppy for boarding at my kennel. They had just purchased her from a local pet store a few days before. And they needed to go out of town for a few days. She was just a tiny white ball of fur with a smooshed in face. She was so little we were afraid to leave her alone in the kennel so we brought her up to the house to take care of her while her "parents" went away. It didn't take long for this little dog to win our heart. She was full of personality and life. Of course being a puppy she was into everything. We even found out she was paper trained when one Sunday morning we're sitting with the paper spread across the living room floor and she came in and did her business right there on the sale papers! The time came when her parents were supposed to pick her up....and the time went by. No parents...no word from them nothing. It was then that we realized we had no contact info on these people. the info they gave was false. It looked like Princess, as they named her was abandoned. Days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months. about 6 months later the people returned for her. By this time we were so attached to her it broke our hearts to have to give her back. But we had no choice..so we wrote up their bill and gave it to them. When they saw the bill they were shocked..I'm not sure what they expected after 6 months of boarding fees. They quickly changed their minds about wanting the dog back stating for that amount of money they could just go buy another. People put so much emphasis on money and what they didn't know was..the little creature they were leaving behind..was priceless. I'm thankful every day that they were so shallow. Because that little dog has given me and my family 14 years of smiles. She was the stinkiest..no matter how many times you washed her..the STINKIEST little dog I have ever owned. But she had the heart and courage of a pit bull. Weighing only 12 pounds at her most butterball finest..she never backed down from the big dogs. And has been known many times to hang onto their bottom jaw with her teeth defending her food. There will never be another, no amount of money will ever buy another like that one. I will miss her so much. As I sit here writing this tribute to my friend, Bink Bink, she's wrapped in a blanket waiting on her "daddy" to come to bury her. I'll see you again one day Bink Bink....RIP.

2009-06-01T04:43:00.000-07:00

When A Soldier Cries

I was at the airport this week sitting behind my booth when I noticed a young couple walk by. They were walking very slow and she was holding onto his arm with a death grip. He was in civilian clothes and she was a soldier. They went down to Delta got his ticket and came back and sat with their backs to me across from my booth. About a half an hour later I saw them standing, hugging. Her face was buried against his chest and I could hear her crying. I felt so bad for her, but then I noticed all the people walking by and staring. I mean they were very obvious in doing so too. Almost walking into things because they were looking so hard. It made me so angry. Even though this couple was in the middle of the airport they didn't have to stare like this. I just wanted to yell at them to stop! "Stop staring! Haven't you ever seen people saying goodbye?! How would like it if your pain was made into spectacle?" Then i wondered if this young woman wasn't wearing the uniform would they have reacted the same? Or was the wearing of US Army uniform a reason to be gawked at? How sad such a painful thing was anything but private. I don't know why it bothers me so bad..maybe it's all the faces I see when i send them off. Maybe it's the selfless way they act around me. Maybe it's the sacrifice they make. Maybe it's that they CHOOSE to make that sacrifice. Maybe it's how they are always so grateful for the smallest things. Maybe it's because I think they deserve better than they have. Maybe it's because they are willing to fight and die for a cause that most of us take for granted. Maybe it's all of these things and more combined that it hurts my heart when a soldier cries.

I never get to see what happens to the families on the other side of security. But when I flew to NYC I got to see first hand the goodbyes that take place at the gates. And I never want to see that again. Three different soldiers were going back, two men and one woman. All three had their spouses and children at the gate. Each one hanging on until the very last minute. Children clinging to legs and husbands and wives holding each other. And once again people were staring. When the soldiers made their way thru the gate each one waved and blew kisses. I noticed one man kept waving but his wife was trying to get one of the kids to behave and she didn't see him. He kept waving but still she didn't see. I felt a panic building up in my chest because I hated the thought of him going thru that door and her not seeing him. Or him leaving with that on his mind..she didn't see me. But finally she looked up just as he made it to the door. I felt so relieved. Then all the families went over to big glass window to watch the plane leave. One wife had her hand on the glass...just one single hand. Like she could almost feel her husband on the other side. I was sitting a distance away with mine and my husbands bags but even from where I was I could see the tears making their way down her cheek. And still the people stared. I wondered why none of them went over to her and tried to console her. So what if she's a stranger..her husband just left to go back to war..show some kindness for God's sake! But not a soul went over to her. They just pointed and whispered. Had I not been stuck with a ton of bags I would have gone over to her. She stayed in that exact position until the plane left. Then she straightened up her shoulders wiped her tears and walked away. She was coming towards me and I stepped out and touched her arm. "He will be back, you just be strong and he'll be home soon I promise." With bloodshot eyes she said thank you and hugged me. I was once again reminded of the power of an act of kindness.

2009-06-01T04:42:00.004-07:00

Wreaths Across America

There's a sacred place near here. It's a place where warriors are remembered. They are immortalized with an eastern redbud tree. This tree was chosen because it blooms beautiful bright pink flowers in late March to early April. The same time that the war in Iraq began. There are 363 trees on the walk at the moment. Each tree is dedicated to a fallen soldier. A granite marker with rank and name stand in front. Some trees give you a sense of who the soldier was in life. I'm always amazed at the things you find at the base of the trees. Books, toy cars, flags, beer bottles, soda cans, pictures, angels..you name it and there's a chance it's there. Sadly however some soldiers don't have family nearby. Their trees are much more simple. Two American flags, a small bouquet of silk flowers and the marker are all they have. It's a very sad thing to see. On December 15th, 2007 however every tree got a little taste of Christmas when 373 wreaths were laid in conjunction with the Wreaths Across America program.

At 8:30 in the morning me, my husband and 2 kids went down to Ft. Stewart to volunteer and help with the ceremony. We unpacked box after box of fresh green wreaths with bright red bows. Each one belonging to a soldier who had made the ultimate sacrifice. The sky was bright and blue, not a cloud in sight. The ceremony started at 12 noon and the stands were full with family and friends. Then the rain came. The National Anthem was being sung across the parade field. I looked out thru the pouring rain at the 3rd ID sign on the other side of Cottrell Field. I sat listening to COL Buchs talk about the selfless courage of the fallen. Behind me raindrops are tapping on an umbrella. The weather wasn't making the day any easier. The call came for the families to go get a wreath and place it on their warriors' tree. I could see one lone man making his way across the parade field. His umbrella clutched in one hand, the beautiful wreath in the other hand. The public was asked to take a wreath and place it on any tree that didn't have one. My daughter got one and my son got one. My daughter placed it on a tree near the end of the walk. My son placed it on the tree of a young soldier whose family I have grown quite fond of, the Kirkpatricks. I sent their son off to Iraq and met them at his tree ceremony. So it was quite touching to see my son honoring theirs.

With all the wreaths laid we were walking down the path to the car. It was very hard not to notice the families around the trees. Small children holding the hands of tearful mothers. I came to a sight I will never forget..a soldier on one knee. His head bowed with one hand on the granite marker the other covering his face as he wept. I had the urge to go over and try to comfort him. But I dared not invade his grief. So I walked by only to stop a few feet away to look back. He was still there..the raindrops masking his tears.

2009-06-01T04:42:00.003-07:00

A Happy Ending

One of the hardest things I have to do is deploy soldiers. The most heartbreaking of things I have to do is deploy soldiers near holidays. This year was no different sadly. I got a phone call on the 19th saying I had a flight of 74 soldiers leaving at 5AM the next morning. I hung up the phone and sighed. I couldn't help but think about the families who were going to have an empty place at the table for Christmas dinner. Or even worse, the soldiers I was about to have to send off to be away from their families during the holidays. My heart was heavy and my spirits were low as I went off at 1:00 AM to do my job. I honestly just didn't want to go this time. I just didn't want to be the one to see them when they left. But I also know that I would rather it be me than no one at all. On this flight no other volunteers came forward to work . It was just me and my aunt. Everyone else had other plans. But to me these flights are a priority and I will do everything I can to be there. So I get to the terminal and get everything set up. I put out extra snacks and had extra phone cards. If they were going to have to miss Christmas stateside with their families, then by God I was going to make sure they got the best I could give them.!! I feel it's the very least I can do. So we're waiting on them to get there when the guy who runs the terminal comes over to us. He told us thank you for coming on such short notice. That he really appreciated our support. Then he dropped the bomb..he said the guys coming in were the Puerto Rican National Guard and they weren't going to Iraq..they were going HOME! Their time here was up and they were going back home...to their families...for Christmas!! I was so happy I almost cried. I had walked around that place feeling like somebody had shot my dog only to have all that weight lifted off my shoulders. I don't think I have ever seen a happier bunch of soldiers when they finally got there. And I have to say I was so happy for them. What a great gift they were getting..the gift of home and family.

I am deeply saddened that because of deployment, I won't have my soldiers at my table for Christmas. But I'm truly grateful that 74 families just added an extra place at theirs.

2009-06-01T04:42:00.001-07:00

Ground Zero Pt. 2

On Tuesday November 15th, the day after the award ceremony I made my trip to Ground Zero. My friend Brian who nominated me for the award was kind enough to take me there. I didn't realize at the time how hard it was going to be on him to revisit the site. He lost a very good friend in the collapse so it really wasn't a place I should have let him take me. But being a former Marine, he wasn't going to let anything stop him. So..off we went. We parked, walked around a bit and saw the NYPD memorial then made our way over to the site. He was in front of me and my husband walking along behind us. He walked up to a fence covered in green mesh and stopped. You could hear the beeping sounds of back hoes, cranes moving things around and dump trucks running. My heart was pounding as I looked thru the crack in the mesh. My first thought was, "that's it? That's the site?" It looked just like another construction site. But as you made your way along the fence you saw the posters.."Remembering 9/11" Tribute" "Reflect" Repledge" Never Forget" World Trade Center Memorial Fund" all of them reminding you that THIS is NOT just another construction site. We came to big gate and you got a better view of things. A policeman on the site told us we were looking at the only remaining piece of the original towers. It was a cement stairwell. Around the corner we found the subway station, with more posters and pictures. Around the next corner we found the WTC Tribute Museum. I wanted to go in but I felt so guilty about making Brian go thru it that I declined. But Brian..being Brian..tough guy that he is..insisted he was fine..that we were going in. Before I could protest anymore he paid the admission and we were in. I don't think any of us were expecting what we found inside. I have watched every special ever made on September 11. I have seen thousands of pictures. But until you're there..actually seeing it with your own eyes..you can't grasp it. One wall was covered with the "missing" posters family members made. The museum was sort of crowded so I didn't stay in one spot too long. I knew if I did I'd lose it. Then I came to this glass case..in it contained the picture you see above. It is the jacket of FDNY firefighter Jonathan Ilepi. I have seen his father Lee many times on the TV specials. I was so moved by his story that it haunted me for months after hearing it. He went to the site every single day at first with the hopes that his son was trapped yet alive. Then with just the hopes of bringing his son home. About 90 days later he was able to do just that. He returned to the site in the middle of the night to carry his beloved son out of the rubble. And now...here in front of me..was the jacket of that son. I pressed my fingertips to the cold glass and swallowed this big lump in my throat. I was not going to cry..i was not going cry..i was not going to cry..damn it! I look up and I see Brian. He's standing in front this huge wall of pictures. All smiling faces looking back..pictures of family vacations, weddings..all pictures of people who were lost. I walk over to Brian and he's looking at this one picture in particular. Quietly he says..that's my friend..that's Richie . He let's out this sigh and walks away. Now I'm feeling really good about dragging him down here. I felt so selfish and so bad. I turn to look for him and on the wall is a quilt made by children. Each square had a different saying but each one beginning with the words .."somewhere today...." Well that quilt did it..the tears started falling. I went down these stairs where I found both Brian and Bill. Brian called me over and showed me a tile that had been painted. On that tile was a paw print..it was Sirius' tile. On it was written, "he came when called".. after writing several tributes to Sirius I have a special fondness for him. I feel he is the forgotten victim simply because he is not a human. So seeing that finally somebody remembered him was more than I could take. Thankfully the restroom was right behind me. I went into a stall and sat..and sobbed. I cried tears for Lee Ilepi, for every smiling face I'd seen posted on the walls, for every family member who had to make those missing posters, the little boy who wrote a note to his dad and asked him to please come home, for every dream that was shattered on that day, for every life that was lost. I cried until I had nothing left. Once I regained my composure I went back out and finished my day. One thing is for sure though...I will never forget those tears I left behind at that museum.

2009-06-01T04:40:00.000-07:00

Ground Zero

For the first time ever, I find myself sitting here with butterflies in my stomach because of the entry I'm about to write. I have put it off repeatedly for some reason..I guess because I simply can't find the words..I cannot express myself or my feelings about my visit to Ground Zero. September 11, 2001 changed my life, just like it did so many other people. Before that day I must have lived with my head in the sand or something. I have lived in Savannah my whole life. Savannah..a military town..so how could I have been so blind and ignorant in the meaning and validity of the military? I'm ashamed to say..I have no answer for that..the irony is that as I sit here with my stomach in knots three chinooks just flew over my house and shook the walls. LOL It took something as bad as September 11 to change me and wake me up. While I would never EVER say I'm glad it happened, I can say that I think I'm a much better person because of it. In fact I know I am. And I also know I will never forget.

I have wanted to make the trip to NYC since September 11. In the weeks that followed I was glued to the TV. Night and day the news was on.and I sat helplessly staring at a screen. Then i heard the story of Sirius..and of the other dog teams who worked so hard on the "pile". Being an animal person I wanted to say thank you to them. I started making red, white and blue dog pins out of tiny popsicle sticks. I hooked up with a website and they distributed them for me. Pretty soon they were popular and I was getting thank you cards from all over the place. I remember I gave one to a dog team here and it made me cry to see the handler bend down and place the pin on her dog's vest. I sent some to the White House and got a thank you note from the President. I never asked for any money and people couldn't understand why. Why I would spend so much time doing something for nothing. But it was never for nothing. Seeing those dogs wearing my pins..no money could buy that feeling? I was so proud..then the website went down..and I never heard from them again. I was so disappointed. But in between making the pins I decided to also do something for the helicopters I kept noticing flying over my house. We took 6 sheets of plywood and made a huge American flag. The choppers going over could easily see it and that made me feel good. Then my aunt and mother in law started asking me to join them at this thing called USO. I had heard of it but I had no idea what they did. I kept putting them off, making excuses. I didn't think I could handle it. I knew it would be a tough thing to do and I'm too emotional. But finally I gave in and after one flight I was hooked. So that brings us to the present..finally..my gosh!! When I fianlly made my trip to Ground Zero I was in NY because of my USO award. The whole circle of it all just overwhelmed me. I was finally going to the exact spot that started it ALL for me. The sacred place that formed me into the person I am now. My first glimpse of the site was from an 86th floor window. I asked this guy and he pointed it out to me. He said, " See those cranes way over there? Those are the cranes inside Ground Zero." It was cloudy and very hard to see but I stood and just soaked it in. I was making my trip there the next morning. I was preparing myself for what I might see. You can prepare all day for what you might see, but not even a lifetime can prepare you for what you will feel.........to be continued.

2009-06-01T04:37:00.000-07:00

Worn In Honor

Worn In Honor
Well the trip to NYC is over. I'm still on cloud 9 however. So many incredible things happened to me on this trip. All to come in later blogs of course. But since it's Thanksgiving there is one thing I need to write about more than anything. While I'm so very very thankful for many things, one thing is sticking out. If you have looked at my award pictures you will see an American flag pin on my dress. This pin is special to me..so very special. I'll tell you why. I had a soldier friend named Rusty.� He left behind so many people who cared about him and would have done anything for him. In the weeks following his death I met one in particular. Rusty's grandma Laura. She was so kind and so caring I don't see how anyone could have left her behind. She sent me emails all the time thanking me for all I had done for Rusty when he was alive. And for taking care of his tree at Warriors Walk since his passing. Miss Laura talked to me several times about coming here and meeting me. We were going to take a trip to his tree together. But sadly, Miss Laura passed away a few months ago. I never wrote about this because it causes me such pain in my heart. i will never get the chance to meet her and tell her how much of a hero she was to me. She was one the bravest people I ever "met". And I'm so terribly sorry I lost out on the chance to tell her face to face.

A couple of months ago I got an email from Rusty's aunt. She told me of her mom's passing and asked for my address. She had a few things that belonged to her mom that she wanted me to have. When the box arrived my hands shook and my eyes were blurred by tears as I tried to open it. Inside I found a favorite t-shirt of Miss Laura's, a porcelain eagle, a wristband and an Americna flag pin. Each one is a treasure to me. The eagle is in my china cabinet with the wristband around it's neck. her t-shirt is in my cedar chest and the pin was on my dress when I got my award.

Rusty's aunt Vanetta, did all she could to help me get votes to make it to NYC. She lobbied so hard for me! her request to me was for me to take a flag to Ground Zero and leave it in Rusty's honor. Well, I took two flags instead. One for him and for Miss Laura. One was left on the fence at Ground Zero and the other was left in the tiny firehouse across the street. It suffered such a great loss on 9/11 and I knew Rusty and Miss Laura would be honored to be remembered there. I told the fireman the story of the flag and how it had traveled with me to the site. i asked if I could leave it with him? He said he'd do one even better and asked if I minded if he added it to the firefighter memorial? Choking back tears I said I thought was an excellent idea. So that's where it stayed.

I got off track in writing about the pin..but it was all so involved. I told Rusty's aunt Vanetta I was going to wear the pin when she asked me to take the flag to Ground Zero. And she too cried and was touched. When I go to Warriors Walk now, it's no longer just Rusty's tree but also Miss Laura's tree. She loved him so much there's no way I could not honor her memory also.

I'm so grateful I got the chance to know her..even though it was only thru emails. She was an incredible lady and I know she was looking down on me wearing her pin..smiling a big smile of approval. Be thankful for today and what you have..tomorrow is not guaranteed.

2009-06-01T04:36:00.000-07:00

Compose Entry

16 Honks

I think being a parent is one of the hardest jobs in the world. You're responsible for shaping a mind, helping build character and the overall well being of a small person. I worry that I'm not a good mom. That I may make the wrong decision and traumatize my children for life. Yet at the same time having to stand back and let them find some things on their own. Always hoping you've taught them well..keeping fingers crossed..well let me tell you about the 16 honks.... Yesterday morning I had an incoming flight. Finally a homecoming after soooooo many deployments. What a relief that was. So my husband was going with me and my son William was going to my mom's house. As we were leaving I asked if he wanted to go to the highway and watch the buses go by? He said yes, he would. So I told him to get one of the small flags and take it with him. He looked at me funny and said, "But mom, those are so small. Can I take the big one?" I said ok sure. He ran into the bedroom and brought back the flag. The flag pole was taller than he was. Grinning at me he said," I just want to make sure the soldiers see me mom." I agreed that yes that would be important. So we drop him at my mom's and I told him I'd let them know when the buses left the airfield. We only live about 5 miles from the airfield and the buses travel the highway in front of our house. So when the buses left, I called them. Then went back in to clean up and put stuff away. Then we went home. My dad dropped William off a little while later. He came in and I asked him if he saw the buses he said he did. He said the MP's blew the horn, the buses blew their horns and the soldiers were hanging out the windows and waving to him. I told him that was awesome! And I knew those soldiers appreciated him being out there. He thought about that for a second then goes, "Yeah, but guess what? I got 16 honks!!!!!" I said ," Really? One MP and three buses..how did you get 16 honks?" All excited he told me about how the other cars on the highway would honk at him as they went by. He said, " I counted them momma!! And I got 16 honks!!"

As if that wasn't enough for one day, we went to the airport where 25 Marines were coming home. We had small flags to hand out. He asked me if he could hand them out? I gave him a handful and off he went. We watched him go from person to person.. taking the time to explain why we were there and asking the people to help us welcome home these Marines. One lady called me over and told me what a wonderful son I had. I agreed with her and thanked her. The Marines came in and the whole place stood and cheered. It was a great moment. I was glad to share it with my children. Last night when we got home, William took his USO sticker off his shirt and asked his dad if it was ok if he put it on his binder? Bill said sure. Then William said, "I can't wait to get to school tomorrow and tell my friends what I did

2009-06-01T04:35:00.002-07:00

Remembering Sirius

On this day six years ago the world was changed forever. The victims of September 11 should never be forgotten. I'm taking this day to remember a victim who had four legs instead of two. A victim who I feel is forgotten because he wasn't a human. He was a Port Authority Police Canine. A four and a half year 90 pound yellow lab named Sirius. And the only canine officer killed in the collapse of the World Trade Center.

May the dog star shine forever bright in the night sky..you will never be forgotten Sirius.

2009-06-01T04:35:00.001-07:00

WELCOME HOME Banners and Goodbye Tears

Another Wednesday afternoon at the airport has come and gone. Another day of raging emotions also. Our airport is very small. In fact the new parking garage being built is almost the same size as the whole airport. But for it's size..wow..a lot of people watching happens. A lot of soldiers coming home on leave and sadly a lot of soldiers returning to Iraq. A very heartwarming and heartbreaking thing all at once. Sitting at my booth excited anxious and giddy wives run over to me to inquire about gate passes. They have balloons, flowers, flags, welcome home banners and lastly..little children in tow. All of them dressed in their best..because their daddy is coming home today!! A day they have waited months for is finally here. They round the corner to the gates and I lose sight of them. A short time later I will see them going down the escalator. One big mass of hugging and holding on to a set of ACU's with an overwhelmed soldier inside. All smiles and happiness and ready for 2 whole weeks of family fun. Now two weeks later..they're back in the airport. This time no balloons, no banners or flowers..this time smiles that are forced and tears..many many tears. Instead of hugging daddy around the neck..the children are clinging to his legs. It is so hard to sit and watch this go on. I can't even fathom what it's like to be that family. Once again they round the corner out of my sight. A short time later, I see the wife again. Holding the hands of her children. Her head is held high and she is holding back tears. She starts down the escalator and looks my way. I smile a sympathetic smile..a look that says I know you're hurting..I know you're in pain..and I'm so very sorry.

2009-06-01T04:34:00.000-07:00

Wasted Time

I was home alone last night, so I played around on the internet wasting time. I decided to update my Myspace page. Put new pictures on my sldie shows and try a new background. Well that turned into a 3 hour nervous breakdown. Nothing was working like it should. I kept getting booted offline, my connection was slow...... you name it. But in the end the result was ok. Not worth the time ...but ok. But that was 3 hours I could have been doing more important things. Today I was reminded of what one of those things was. About 2 PM my husband came in the back door with a strange look on his face. While looking at his feet he said," Paulette...you might want to come down to the kennel and see Bubba kitty. I don't think he's going to make it much longer." My hear started to race. Bubba kitty is 14-15 years old and in failing health. I knew it was coming, but you're never prepared when it does. I put my shoes on and walked down to the kennel. He was in a cage on a blanket with a towel propping his head up. When I saw him, tears filled my eyes. "Oh nooooo..he's already gone......" I said. Rubbing under his chin I called his name in the high pitch baby talk way I have always talked to him in. To my surprise his mouth opened in a soundless meow. He knew I was there. This cat who loved me more than anything knew I was with him. is back leg started to twitch and he lifted his head a little. I wrapped him in his blanket and held him to my chest. With sobs choking my words I held him..told him he was such a good kitty and I loved him. I told him his brother was waiting for him at the rainbow bridge..and it was ok for him to go play now. My tears by now had soaked his head and ears. I held him close and rubbed him until the life left his body. My husband looked at me and said, " He was waiting for you. He waited for you to get here to say goodbye." I just stood there..clutching my limp lifeless cat. I brought him to the house and wrapped him in one of my t-shirts and held him more. Then I started thinking...I had spent more time with my cat...MY cat who worshipped me...spent more time with him in his passing than I did when he could and would have enjoyed it. I thought about the 3 stupid hours on Myspace...and all the other time I spend doing meaningless useless things. I'm so angry at myself...it's ALL time I cant get back. I will never get it back. I will never again get the chance to hold him or rub him...it's all gone now.

In thinking of all of this..it doesn't only apply to my cat..it applies to my life in general. I waste so much time. I'm ashamed of my weight so I don't do fun things with my kids. I stay home or on the sideline because I don't want to embarrass my kids. When in truth, they would probably LOVE to have me doing things with them. They wouldn't care what I looked like! I have put this myth into my own head.

In addition to wasting time, I don't always express myself to people. I'm always afraid of telling people how I feel. I'm so afraid of what they might think that I keep it inside...and that's probably one of the worst things I can do. Unspoken words can break hearts. I shouldn't take for granted that people KNOW how I feel...I should tell people more often. I have to be one of the luckiest people in the world. I am surrounded by people who care about me. I have friends I have never seen that I know will be there for me thru anything. Have I ever said thank you? I doubt it. Please forgive me. If I typed faster I would send each and every one a special note. But sadly my one finger typing just isn't enough. So please accept this mass note of appreciation... To my family..thank you..thank you for loving me when I may not have deserved it. That has been too many times I'm afraid. I promise to try to harder and get more involved. To my friends...I suck...I know I do. I don't always return phone calls or emails like I should. I have no excuse..I just plain suck. But it doesn't mean I don't think of you daily. I value each and every one of you...(especially you Theresa). Thank you for sharing your lives with me...even though at times I may not be worthy. Now..to my soldiers AKA my boys..and you KNOW who you are...I owe you the most..because you have made by far the biggest impact on my life. You have shown me that family does not always mean blood related. You have given me more than you will ever know by just loving me. I have learned that saying I love you isn't painful..and it can easily be said and felt without judgement. YOU ARE MY FAMILY and you are also my heroes. Each one of you are so different and so special. I know Heaven must have sent you to me. I needed to find you.

I hope that with my words I have expressed a little bit of what I'm feeling. I value the people in my life..please please forgive me for not saying so before now. So with those messages I close this entry with a lighter heart. I will miss you Bubba kitty! I loved you so much..and I'm so sorry for the time I wasted not showing it.reemiu

2009-06-01T04:32:00.002-07:00

2 Missed Calls

May was a busy month for USO here. We sent out an entire brigade and part of another. I had flights in the morning when I was there before the sun came up. I had flights in the evening and I saw the sun go down. After several days like that things kind of run together and you have a hard time remembering what day it is. But once in a while something will happen and it will stick with you. Something that you know you won't ever forget. ........I was at the end of the table where the post cards are set up. I was trying to encourage deploying soldiers to write home before boarding the plane. One guy told me he just really wished he could call home. He wanted to talk to his dad and his girlfriend one more time before leaving. I asked him if he would like to use my cell phone to call them and he declined. Then I could tell he was thinking about it. He didn't want to trouble me or ask me for anything special. After assuring him it was no trouble..he declined again. Finally i just put the phone in his hand and told him to call. He looked down at his boots and said thank you m'am. He called his dad first, no answer. Then tried his girlfriend, no answer. He had such a pitiful look on his face. He handed me back my phone. He finally took two post cards to write home on. He went and sat down in the corner and filled them out. About a half an hour later he brought them back. He looked at me and my friend, another volunteer and said thank you. He said he felt much better after writing the post cards. He was sad for not being able to get in touch by phone, but at least he was able to write. Once again after much convincing I got him to call home again. Still no answer. The time came for them to line up and board the plane. On this night I was able to be on the tarmac next to the plane. I got to see them actually walk up the stairs! I was so happy! But wow was it loud! I watched as each one came by. Then I saw him coming. He had a big grin on his face. "Thank you again m'am. I really appreciate you trying to help me." I told him it was no problem. I was glad to help. He shook the major's hand and went up the stairs. I watched him until he disappeared thru the doors. Then my pocket began to vibrate..my phone was ringing. I couldn't answer it because there was no way I could have heard the person on the other end. So I waited until the plane was loaded and I walked back to the line where we watch it leave. I took out my phone and looked..I had two missed calls. My heart sunk. I looked at the numbers and didn't recognize either of them. After some serious thinking and contemplating, I called the first one back. A young girl answered and said someone had called her from my number. I asked her if she knew someone going to Iraq that night and she said yes, my boyfriend was leaving tonight. I told her he was trying to call her. She was so excited until I told her he was gone already. She said thank you and hung up. I was really dreading the second call now. I dialed the number and a lady answered the phone. I told her who I was and she too said someone had called them from my number. I asked if she had someone going to Iraq and she said yes, her son was. Her voice cracked and she said she have to let her husband talk to me. So the father got on the phone. I told him how his son had tried to call. He too was excited and asked to speak to him. I told him I was sorry..but his son was gone..his plane was leaving as we were speaking..i was looking at it. But I assured him his son was in good spirits when he boarded the plane. That seemed to ease his sadness a little. He thanked me and said he appreciated all we do for the soldiers when the families can't be there. I told him it was an honor to be there and we said goodbye. I leaned against the wall and just cried. I don't know why..but i just let the tears flow. Calling those numbers back was so damn hard. I could have just ignored it. They never would have known..they would have thought it was a wrong number or something. But something inside me just couldn't let that happen. What if it were my son leaving and I missed his call? I would want to know he was ok when he left. But the saddest part of all..after talking to his girlfriend...after talking to his parents..I have no idea what his name was.

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2009-06-01T04:32:00.001-07:00

Closing This Chapter

Have you ever been somewhere you felt you shouldn't be? You knew you didn't belong but couldn't get away? That's the way I felt at the end of the tree ceremony. After the trees had been dedicated the crowd went over to see the markers, speak to the families etc. I was behind Castillo standing in front Kirkpatrick's tree. It was a place I wish I hadn't been. I had no idea that Castillo had never met DavaidKirkpatrick's family. But they met on that day. And they met in front of my eyes. First the mom came over and hugged him tightly and he began to cry. Then the dad came over and held him. The dad was talking over Castillo's shoulder so his voice was aimed right at me. I could hear what he was saying, and I've been haunted by it since. I have never heard anyone tell another person that it was ok that they were alive. But this father did. I have never seen a person put another person's pain before their own like this, but this father did. I will never forget the look of compassion in his eyes.

2009-06-01T04:31:00.000-07:00

Survivor

On January 15, 2007 I put my friends on a plane headed to Iraq. Before deploying I saw some of them daily, some of them weekly and a couple I'd only met a few times. But ALL of them were MINE.... MY soldiers. I had no idea of the horrors some them would soon be facing. Late in April while on a mission the convoy two of my friends were in was hit by an IED. Sgt Castillo and two other soldiers were in front of the wrecker driven by SSG Adkins (Mike to me). When the dust settled Mike could see Sgt. Castillo trying to move away from the destroyed humvee. He immediatly ran to his aid. He applied a tourniquet to his leg, which was missing and began to stablize him because he was going into shock. Sadly the other two men with Sgt. Castillo were already gone at this time. Castillo is the only one who survived.

I saw Sgt. Castillo for the first time at the tree ceremony. I saw him from a distance and i began to sob. I grabbed my husbands arm to steady myself. I knew I had to get it together. We walked over to where he was seated in his wheelchair. At first I wasn't sure it was him. Then I read his name tag..and it was him. Funny because he didn't recognize us at first either. We began talking to him and asking how he was. We told him Mike was coming for R&R later that day and we were picking him up at the airport. He took his sunglasses off and looked at me and said, " I want Mike to meet my family. Mike saved my life. If not for him, I wouldn't be here today." Tears welled up in my eyes and began to spill over. For you see Mike is a lot like me. He had a step father who was not very nice to him. He was always told he'd never amount to anything. That he was worthless and a bum. All I could think of was how wrong that man was. Sitting before me at that moment was living proof of what a courageous and good person Mike had become. He was already an incredible person..but having saved a mans life sealed the deal. His step father would never again be able to put him down. Sadly though, he has Alzhiemers and will never have to eat his words.

2009-06-01T04:12:00.001-07:00

Friends

On January 15, 2007 I sent my "adopted" children off to war. I never knew the turn their lives would take within a few short months. Pictured left to right, Spc. Jonathan Mott, SSG Mike Adkins, my husband Bill, Spc. Wolf, Sgt. Marcos Herrara and Sgt. Will Castillo. Please take a close look at SGG Adkins and Sgt Catillo...By the end of April their lives will never be same. One will have saved the life of the other. And things will forever be changed. The places you see them standing in this picture will haunt me very soon after this picture was taken. Particularly Castillo.

I will write more later.

2009-06-01T04:11:00.002-07:00

The Trees

Welcome to Fort Stewart Georgia, home of the Third Infantry Division (Mechanized).

Welcome to Warrior's Walk, a sacred place to anyone here who has lost a loved one in the War on Terror. I have been to the walk numerous times, but never to a tree dedication ceremony. I finally attended my first ceremony last week. I didn't know any of the ten soldiers being honored that day. But I was one of the people who sent them off, so I thought it only fitting that I be there to remember them.

When my husband and i arrived at the walk, my first order of business was to visit the tree of my friend Rusty. I had him a new wind chime for his tree. To my surprise he had family members visit and leave momentos. I couldn't help but smile. I was so glad he was being thought of. I put his wind chime in his tree and looked down the walk. Sadly, new sidewalks have been poured to make room for more trees. It was time to go back to the place where the ceremony was going to be held. I saw a friend of mine who I will talk about another time. I went over and said hello to him and went to find a seat. It was a cloudy dreary day. I sat on the first row of seats on metal bleachers. Behind me, a sea of ACU's were also waiting. All of them there to pay tribute to fallen comrades. Suddenly they all stood up and came to attention. I had no idea what was going on. But I stood anyway. Then I realized what was happening. Across the street I could see the families making their way over to the walk. I was in awe of my surroundings. At the incredible amount of respect each and every soldier was displaying for these families. I wasn't surprised, just so very proud. The families filed in and I saw a small boy. He was holding his mommy's hand. His mommy was wiping tears from her cheeks . Then I noticed the tears running down my own cheeks. My heart ached for them. The ceremony began and it wasn't long before it was over. Then the trees were dedicated. Each name was read. Each marker uncovered. Each cover folded with care and held tightly until retreived by the family. And if no family attended, a yellow rose was placed at the bottom of the tree and the cover was accepted by another soldier and mailed home to the family. My words cannot express the emotions you feel while watching all of this take place. To see a family in pain go up and take that cloth out of the soldiers hands is unbelieveable. The great care and compassion that goes into the ceremony leaves you humbled. My words just aren't enough.

2009-06-01T04:11:00.001-07:00

Off To War

If you ever wondered what a soldier's face looks like when he (she) walks to the waiting plane, here you go. If you listen to the media we have nothing but disgruntled troops. I find it pretty ironic that I see smiles. NO..they are NOT happy to be going. NO they don't want to leave their families and their homes. But they are the best Americans we have and they are going to do their job. So the next time you hear about how unhappy our guys and gals are..come back and look at this picture.

2009-06-01T04:10:00.000-07:00

Being Strong

I took this picture tonight as I watched my friend try to be strong as she stood and sent her battle buddies off to Iraq. I could see the pain and sadness on her face from where I stood. It took all my strength not to go over and hug her. But I knew she was dealing with emotions that ran far deeper than any hug or words could make better. I admired her courage.

2009-06-01T04:09:00.002-07:00

A Picture and a Thousand Unspoken Words

I took this picture last night and I know I won't find the words to do it justice. We all stood under a moon that was almost full sending soldiers off to Iraq. With the waiting plane in the background I was struck by the simple beauty of the moment.

2009-06-01T04:09:00.001-07:00

Postcard Fun!

I haven't written in a while because I have been very busy helping deploy soldiers. And since I have two things to blog about, one happy one sad, I chose the happy one. The sad one will come later. During the deployment we set up a table with cards, post cards and notebook paper for the soldiers to send a note home before they leave. We ran out of postcards. So I did an online search and emailed a few companies and told them what I was doing and asked for donations of postcards. Not very many responded. But one company called PostcardMania sent us 18,000 postcards! They were beautiful patriotic cards. I was in shock when I got them. I couldn't believe the generosity of this company. I set up the table and laid them out in stacks and the soldiers came by I encouraged them to write home. More than a few grumbles came back at me. They had just left home why did they need to write? I explained that in a few days the shock was going to set in. Their families would be hit with the realization that they were gone. The house would become empty..in a few days is when their absence would be felt the most. Their families would be missing them terribly. And when I said just think what a note from you could do to lift their spirits. For them to know that up until the last minute on US soil you were thinking of them. And you're going to miss them just as much. I said I guarantee when you come home you'll see that card somewhere and it will be worn from being read so many times. I didn't really have to say anything more. They all began choosing their cards and got down to writing. When they were finished they thanked us. They said they actually felt better. I could see the tension lifted off them. Their burden of leaving was a little lighter now. That was indeed the best gift I could have ever given them. Tags: | Edit Tags

2009-06-01T04:08:00.002-07:00

A Funeral, A Parade and A Missed Birthday

Monday was a day that was filled with emotions. My son is in 5th grade and he marched in the annual Georgia Day Parade. It celebrates the day that James Oglethorpe landed on the river bluff here in Savannah and Georgia was founded. About 5,000 children participated in the parade. He was so excited to be one of them. His dad and I waited on his school to pass and we joined them in their march to City Hall. When he saw us his whole face lit up. He was so happy we were there...and we were very proud of him. His school won first place in the banner contest.

However, back at the school, in the church there, a ceremony of a much different kind was taking place. A funeral was being held there..the funeral for the mommy I wrote about who was killed in a car wreck. As my son was glad to see me, her son was grieving. As my son was marching in a parade, her son was saying goodbye. As my son was laughing, her son was silent. As my son planned for tomorrow, her son wished it was yesterday. As my son stood smiling, her son sat weeping.

But the saddest of all is the little girl..she will be 6 on Sunday..she doesn't understand where her mommy has gone. I know this because she was overheard saying," I sure hope my mommy comes back before my birthday." But her mommy won't be at this birthday..or any birthday to come.

2009-06-01T04:08:00.001-07:00

RIP Pvt. Matthew Zeimer

I knew it would happen eventually...I knew the day would come...but I never expected it to be so soon. On February 2, 2007 Pvt. Matthew Zeimer was killed. He died fighting beside the soldier he was sent to Iraq to relieve. The soldier had less than 14 days left in Iraq before he was going home. Matthew had been on his new FOB less than 2 hours before he was killed.

I sent Matthew's brigade over to Iraq. I was there for every flight except one. The chances that I came into contact of some sort with him are great. Whether I handed him a care package, a Coke, a doughnut or a phone card the chance of meeting was there. Also since they line up in alphabetical order before going in would more than likely put him at the end of the line. I always talk to the guys at the end. I went back and checked my pictures but I don't have any of him. Yet I'm haunted by the name...I can see in my mind that name Zeimer on the tag of his uniform. I just can't shake it..on a day when love is being celebrated all over..my heart is heavy with loss. He was so young and so new to the Army. He had just gotten here on the 18th of December and in less than one month he was in Iraq. In less than 2 hours on his new base he was killed. Just such an overwhelmingly sad story...not only for him but also of the soldier who had such high hopes of going home. Just so sad....

Below is the story of what happened on that day..RIP Matthew:

Soldier and replacement die fighting together

By Michelle Tan
Staff writer

CAMP RAMADI, Iraq — Spc. Alan Eugene McPeek was just days away from completing his 14-month tour in Iraq. Pvt. Matthew Thomas Zeimer had been at Combat Outpost Grant for less than two hours.

Close to 1 a.m. Friday, on what was supposed to be his last night at Combat Outpost Grant in central Ramadi, McPeek and his fellow soldiers came under attack. It was an intense and coordinated attack launched by insurgents from nearby buildings and streets.

McPeek, 20, and Zeimer, 18, ran together to the roof to fight back.

McPeek took Zeimer, a member of the 3rd Infantry Division unit set to replace the outgoing soldiers, under his wing. He coached him and stood shoulder-to-shoulder with the young private as they fought for their lives.

But a shot fired from what commanders believe was a recoilless rifle blasted through the reinforced concrete wall near McPeek and Zeimer. The impact killed them both.

McPeek, with Company A, 16th Engineer Battalion, was attached to Task Force 1-37 Armor while he was in Iraq. Zeimer belonged to Headquarters and Headquarters Company, 3rd Battalion, 69th Armor.

On Tuesday, more than 350 soldiers gathered in the dining facility on Camp Ramadi to honor the two young men, one a veteran of combat, the other a young soldier fresh from training. Both fought fiercely until the end.

“Whenever we lose someone we love, it hurts,” Chaplain Nathan Kline, of 3rd Battalion, 69th Armor, said during the 40-minute service. “Our instincts tell us to avoid suffering and discomfort, but avoiding and repressing painful thoughts can be selfish. Our brothers deserve to be missed. We cannot honor them without remembering them. Remembering the fallen is a sacred duty none of us can afford to shirk.”

The dining facility where the service took place was transformed from a typically noisy, messy place into a quiet, sacred hall set aside to honor the two soldiers.

Two helmets placed over two rifles, accompanied by two pairs of combat boots, sat on an altar in the front. The soldiers’ Bronze Star and Purple Heart medals flanked each rifle.

Their photos, images frozen in time, smiled down on the soldiers who had gathered to grieve their loss as music written by a soldier from the 1-37 floated from loudspeakers.

A recording of the service and taped messages from the soldiers who knew McPeek and Zeimer will be sent to their families.

Lt. Col. Michael Silverman, commander of 3-69, spoke about Zeimer’s dedication to his country and how important he was to his fellow soldiers.

“The time came to enter the world of war [and] he fought for his nation, his Army, his buddies,” Silverman said. “He fought like a veteran. What we are all asked to do is answer the call to arms with the same courage and tenacity as Matthew.”

Zeimer, who joined the Army on June 13, 2006, was proud to be a soldier, and he was determined, helpful and kind, said Spc. David Seth, one of Zeimer’s close friends. He often talked about his family and his fiancée, and how much he looked forward to being reunited with them.

“Matthew wasn’t interested in being a hero,” Seth said. “Being a soldier was good enough for him.”

McPeek, who enlisted on June 30, 2004, was a natural leader, a warrior and a skilled sapper, said Lt. Col. V.J. Tedesco III, commander of the 1-37, a unit also known as the Bandits.

“His final act of professionalism as a soldier placed him in the line of fire,” Tedesco said. “It breaks my heart. I will never understand why God chose to call Specialist McPeek home on his last day of service in Iraq. [But] the Bandits do not fail those with whom they serve, and we will not fail Specialist Alan McPeek.”

Spc. Solomon McCabe, one of McPeek’s best friends, said his buddy always knew how to keep his fellow soldiers motivated.

“No matter how difficult the missions, McPeek was always there to lighten the mood and get us through those tight spaces,” McCabe said. “Specialist McPeek, we will always miss and love you. You’re in our hearts and we’ll never forget you.

2009-06-01T04:07:00.002-07:00

The Mommy

The past couple of days have been days that have reminded me just how short life is. How in the blink of eye your life can change or even worse be over. My daughter, Madison is in 3rd grade. I always hear her talk about a little boy who sits by her named Jordan. "He is always asking me for my pencils mommy!" She would always give them to him though. I didn't know much about Jordan until yesterday. Now I'd give anything to change that. Jordan's mom must have been busy yesterday morning. She first dropped Jordan's little sister off at an elementary school near their home, and then dropped Jordan off at his school which is about 30 minutes from their home . Jordan has an older brother who is currently hospitalized with strep, mono and bronchitis. The hospital is about a mile and a half from Jordan's school. So after dropping Jordan off she was heading to see her other son in the hospital..only a mile and a half away....within three blocks of the hospital she was killed. Another driver ran a stop sign and hit her Tahoe in the side going about 30 MPH. Sadly Jordan's mom wasn't wearing her seatbelt she was partially ejected and the Tahoe rolled over onto her. Madison said the principal came and got Jordan out of class and took him to the hospital to be with his dad. He was so excited because he thought he was going home early. He was going home alright...but no mommy would be there.

My son had a play today to celebrate Georgia history. As I sat there I looked around at all the other mommies. It could have easily been any one of us in there who was killed. At the end of the play they asked that we take a moment to pray for Jordan and his family. I just couldn't help but look up at all the heads bowed in silence. Knowing each one was thinking..it could have so easily been them and their family. I reached over and squeezed my daughter's hand. Feeling so guilty over the argument we had that morning over her lunch box. What if it had been me in that wreck..is that the last memory she would have of me? An argument over a silly lunchbox?? It really made me think...life is too short to sweat such petty things. Who cares what kind of lunchbox she took..so it had a dirty shoe print on it...does that really matter??

Jordan's mom was 30 years old...gone too soon and now three children have no mommy.

2009-06-01T04:07:00.001-07:00

My Nest Is Empty

Wow..where do I even start this? Two weeks ago tonight I sent my soldier/adopted son/friend to Iraq. For lack of a more eloquent way of putting it..it sucked. So this past Tuesday..I had to do it all again. Except this time it wasn't one person I was saying goodbye to. It wasn't two people I was sending off. It was more like 12...12 soldiers that I have laughed and joked with. 12 soldiers who have been in my house, ate dinner with me, had entirely too much to drink with me on many occasions, shared secrets with me and trusted me..and now they are gone.(even though Jason just left for the field for 3 weeks..he's still gone) Every single one is gone. And now I'm alone. I don't think you realize how much a part of life things are until they aren't there anymore. I suggested to my husband the other day that "we should all get together and...." but now there is no we or all. They are gone. I have pictures to look at...pictures make me cry..oh how I cry. Pictures aren't the only reminder though. The other day I was doing laundry and I pulled out a shirt..it was Mike's shirt. Mike boarded the plane first..Mike couldn't look at me on his way to the plane..he said I'd make him cry. As I took Mike's shirt from my dryer I gathered it and smelled it..just hoping for some scent of him being left even though I'd just washed it..nothing..not a trace left. As I stood with his shirt held to my face i just started to sob. I just sat down on the floor and sobbed in pain..the kind of sobbing a child does when their mouth is open but no sound comes out...I cried until I was exhausted. I had nothing left to cry . I just couldn't believe the sense of loss and lonliness that came over me. They were everywhere..yet they were nowhere. God I miss them. All the crazy things they'd say and do..Josh who never took a picture without making some wacky face. That child is not normal..I just know it. I miss hearing them laugh....seeing them smile.

But it's almost a week later and now I am a little better. Things get a little easier as time goes by. I'm getting emails from them which is helpful. Also the deployment is over for now. On the day they left we sent 1,100 soldiers off to Iraq. I'm glad that was the end of it because I don't think I could have gone back and done that for even one more day. I believe I would have quit USO before going back. I was emotionally and physically drained. I knew this whole thing would be hard, but I had no idea it would be as hard as it is. I don't know how military families do it time and again. I have so much respect for the military family left at home. I've been asked on many occasion if I was going to find more to adopt? I don't think so...but then again who knows? I got such great joy out of having them around and them calling me family. One thing I learned, you don't have to be of the same blood to be family...anyone can be family... you just have to love them enough...and I love my boys! God please keep them safe and bring them home....

2009-06-01T04:06:00.005-07:00

NBC Nightly News

I wanted to give a heads up on a story running tonight on the NBC nightly news. The news crews were here for two days filming the deployment of the 3rd ID and they did a story on my Aunt Mary. She is the USO volunteer coordinator and my idol. She is the most dedicated person I know and I'm proud to be a part of this with her. The story is called making a difference. They said it comes on usually towards the end of the news cast. I'm not sure if I will be on there or not..but if you hear someone clapping loudly for the troops as they pass by..umm that would be me! LOL But whether I'm on there or not..it's not important..the whole story of what we do down here is. so please watch it..if you can't watch it, tape it or see it online...thank you all for all of your support. In the past two days we have sent off over 700 soldiers to Iraq. It has been tough to do this...but every soldier was wished a safe return.

2009-06-01T04:06:00.003-07:00

~sigh~

This image just haunts me.. it tugs at my heart so bad..I wish I could take away her pain, but sadly pain is part of life

2009-06-01T04:06:00.001-07:00

A Small Heart Is Broken

My daughter got a first hand look at an OIF deployment yesterday. Her best friend Josh left for Iraq. He came by to see her one more time and I took this picture. It should have been a private moment for them but when he gets home I want to be able to show her the pictures of the day he left. And be able to say.."see..remember when mom took this? You said he wasn't coming back and look!!"

She is taking this much harder than I had thought. But then again she is my child and her heart is tender..so I don't know why I expected different. I went and did my USO duty, I sent off his plane..and yes everyone was right..I HAD to be there and I was. That is a blog for another day..while I was there she must have called me 5 times to try to talk to him again but he was not around. On her last call I held up the phone so she could hear his plane taking off. She ran onto the porch to try to see it but she couldn't. I showed her the pictures I had taken earlier in the night. She was very angry with me because I didn't let her go. I tried to explain that children aren't allowed there...but she wasn't hearing me..she was mad at the world. Her buddy was gone and to her a year may as well be forever. Now with the upcoming deployment of the rest of the brigade I'm reminded of how many others there will be just like her. So many small hearts will be broken.

2009-06-01T04:05:00.005-07:00

The Hands of Time

It has been a while since I've written anything. I guess there's many reasons for that. Things have been crazy here. And to be honest I really haven't had anything to write about. Now I'm so damned depressed that I'm hoping writing will help it pass. But sadly I know it's not going to help. The only thing that will help is if I can find a way to stop the clock...just stop time right now and not let the 11th of January come. You see I "adopted" four soldiers back in March. I have seen them daily every single day since then. They are my family now and I love them and would die for any one of them. Now..two of the four are going back to Iraq. One on the 11th and another on the 17th. Not only is this going to hurt me, but my daughter is going to be crushed as well. In the picture you see me, my daughter, my son, my husband and two of my soldiers. Jason on the end (july deployment) and Josh..who is going back on the 11th. Josh holds the moon and the stars in the sky according to my daughter and I don't know how she's going to accept him being gone. I don't know how families get thru this. I can't express the deep level of respect and admiration I have for the family left behind. For now I will see first hand how it feels to have your family ripped apart by deployment. Once on the 11th and then again a week later when another one, Mike, will leave.

We haven't decided yet if I will be on USO duty at the time they leave. I want to honor whatever their choice is..but the funny thing is..none of us can make the decision. When I ask them what they prefer they can't really answer. So we all wind up sitting and looking at each other..just a sad circle. If I'm there I can say goodbye..but will I only make it worse? I can't even talk about it without crying. Will I be able to maintain my professionalism with them walking away? The walk I have seen more times than I can remember...the gun on one shoulder, back pack slung to one side and that ever familiar USO bag of goodies in their hand. Can I watch that and actually know who they are? How can I stop myself from running after them one last time? How can I say goodbye? Do I go and risk it or should I be a coward and stay home and send them off hoping someone is good to them when they leave? Such a hard decision is being placed on my shoulders...I only hope I make it the right one.

2009-06-01T04:05:00.003-07:00

Well, Thanksgiving is over.�I had 30 people at my house for dinner tonight. I had aunts, uncles, parents, cousins and�close friends all sitting and eating together and giving thanks. Four of those people were young soldiers with no family nearby and no place else to go, so I made my home their home and my family their family. It was such a nice feeling to be have them here. I sat and looked at each person here tonight..I wondered what they were thankful for? I was wondering this because earlier in the day I was stressing out..this wasn't done, that didn't look right, I didn't have enough spoons..whine whine whine..then I got an email that made me feel like a selfish ass. I have soldier in Iraq named Timothy. A couple of weeks ago I sent him a few phone cards because he and the others with him hadn't talked to their families in over three weeks. He was paying over .75 cent per minute to call home! so I sent him a few cards. It was an awesome feeling to know I helped his guys talk to their familes. He's in a place with no PX..it is such a small base that anything they need or want has to be mailed to them from home. I feel so sorry for him because he is one of the nicest soldiers I have ever supported. He's so grateful for the smallest things it's amazing. Well last night I sent him an email wishing him a Happy Thanksgiving.�This afternoon I got a reply..he said his Thanksgiving had been a real bummer..here is his email:�� Well they were suppose to bring in food for us, but the base was under attack all night and day so we got stuck eating MRE's for lunch and dinner.��It will be ok though, at least I got to eat.��I"m �sure there were many other troops that had it worse than me.��Well I will talk to you later.�� Thank you for all you do for me.��Timothy �� Well after reading this email from him..I hung my head in shame. He had gone without his Thanksgiving feast and I was whining over mine. He had to eat an MRE and I was worried about a fricking spoon. He was humble enough to remember that there were many many more that didn't even have what he did..and he was grateful for an MRE..and I had forgotten what was truly important. I have so much to be thankful for and it took a soldier in a war zone who is sacrificing all to point that out to me. Thank you Timothy.

� If anyone would like to help make his Christmas a little better please let me know.

2009-06-01T04:05:00.001-07:00

Hello, Goodbye

It's deployment time again here. The time when I find out just how weak or strong I am. The time when I question all I believe in. Last night was another one of those times. An EOD group from Ft. Carson spent Tuesday night here. They were hooking up with another EOD group from Ft. Stewart to all fly to Iraq together. Usually on deployments we don't get to spend much one on one time with soldiers. It's very hectic and they are in and out in less than two hours. We really don't get to talk and socialize much. But because the group from Ft. Carson had already done all the "official" stuff, like briefings �etc. they were free to roam around and do whatever. This gave us four hours to talk to them. In this four hours one soldier and I became what I hope to be life long friends. He is the assistant to the Chaplain and it was his first deployment. I think his nerves had the best of him because for those four hours he was my shadow. Wherever I went he went..whatever I did he did. Including helping me hand out care packages.He told me about his dog..even showed me the tattoo of his dog on his arm. � I enjoyed talking to him so much we exchanged email addresses. He used my cell phone to call his wife one last time before going.�Then the dreaded time came for him to line up for a final briefing...I felt bad because he was so �busy talking to me that his 1st Sgt. had to yell at him to get in line. For the first time ever I had a soldier going off to war hug me..in fact he hugged me twice and ran off and got in the back of the line. I looked down at my wrist and saw the FREEDOM band I had on. I called him back over and said," Hey hold onto this for me." I put the wristband on him and took a step back. �I saw tears welling up into his eyes and he just looked at me. I said" Oh no...don't you even..you're gonna make me cry..go before you get into trouble." And with that he walked over to the line and got in the back. �Then into the "sterile" area they went.�

� The Ft. Stewart group came out first and got on a bus to take them to the plane on the other side of the tarmac. Then the Ft. Carson group came out and lined up at the door. I had warned him ahead of time that we clap and cheer when they come out..so when I saw him I said, " See! I told ya!" All he could do was beam..a grin ear to ear on his face. It took a few minutes to start loading the bus. When his time came to go thru the door outside I saw him turn around and stand on his tip toes and wave once more. I didn't see him again after that. Once loaded on the bus everyone goes outside and waves goodbye to them..usually they are going to meet their families. But not this time. This is the first time I have not seen them get on the plane.�I had to wave goodbye from a sidewalk. I just hope he saw me there.

2009-06-01T04:04:00.001-07:00

Taxi Away

When the plane taxis away your heart feels so heavy. In the small windows of the plane you can see their faces..the same faces�that just walked past you to the plane. Some will wave the tiny flags they have. Others will just look..taking in every detail of home. I can't help but wonder what they're thinking.

God Speed

I've given you a look inside a deployment thru my eyes. Unless you have actually been there just reading about it isn't enough. It's something that you must experience to get the full impact. You see these men and women come thru the doors and you look at each one. Some of them are scared and it shows..others have been thru this before and know the sooner it starts the sooner it's over. It's very hard on me to stay positive when talking to them. I always worry I might say the wrong thing. So I just do a lot of smiling..it's dorky but it works. �

�I� think time stands still sometimes from the time they begin loading the plane until it takes off.� They put the last of the soldiers on and close the door. The hardest part is seeing those stairs pull away from the plane. Reality sets in then..and we all just stand in silence. When the plane taxis off the other volunteers go inside and clean up. But not me...whether it's raining, freezing or hot as hell I stay on that tarmac. I stay until that plane takes off and is totally out of my sight..night or day. I'd be so heartbroken if even one person on that plane looked back one last time and saw that no one was there. What would that tell them? That we put them on the plane and forgot them. That's something I can't live with. These soldiers are giving up a year of their lives to protect me and my family...I can wait for them to leave. I'll make sure I'm there when they return also...when they come back as veterans. I will make sure I say thank you and tell them how grateful I am. How lucky I feel knowing that when my children put their heads on their pillows they feel safe. That I have an undying respect for those who are willing to put their lives on the line for a country that doesn't always deserve it. As long as I live I will do all I can to support our troops and so will my children. God bless them all.�

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2009-06-01T04:03:00.003-07:00

Compose Entry

Silence

When a plane is coming home there is excitement in the air. All the volunteers on the tarmac are chatting and laughing. But when a plane is leaving there is nothing but silence. Each one of us out there�are saying silent prayers for the safe return of the men and women we just put on the plane

2009-06-01T04:03:00.001-07:00

One Final Look

Once they make their way past us, still in a single file line they go across the tarmac and load onto the waiting plane.�It's always hard when you have one..always that one who will turn around and sometimes walk backwards..taking one last look at home. They will sometimes take pictures of all of us sending them off. But on this day I had the hardest thing happen..I had one walk by and he was crying. I saw him coming with his head down..but that's not uncommon..as he got closer to me I saw the tears..OMG..he had tears streaming down his cheeks..and the worst part was..i couldn't do anything. I couldn't pull him out the line and hug him or tell him it was going to be ok..we're not allowed..I just had to stand there and watch his back..just hoping he'd turn around so I could smile at him.. give him a thumbs up..something!! Anything!�I'm haunted by his face. I wish I could have done something.

2009-06-01T04:02:00.000-07:00

The Next Step

They come out in a single file line. On each side there are USO and Red Cross volunteers cheering them�on�and wishing them well.

2009-06-01T03:41:00.002-07:00

The Beginning of a Deployment

A line of soldiers waiting to briefed...this is the beginning of a deployment as I see it.

Filling their bags

They go thru our line and fill a bag with everything from candy, to sunscreen, post cards and snack cakes. Whatever we have we give them

Today

2009-06-01T03:41:00.001-07:00

Today

Today is Veterans Day. It's a day that we recognize all who have fought for the freedom of this country. Freedoms many take for granted. I chose this picture because it's from a homecoming I recently worked with the USO. It is a father whose son he hasn't seen in a year. The doors of the hangar just opened and he saw his son for the time in 13 months. Somehow I don't think this father takes his freedom for granted. I know he is proud of� his child who left here a young soldier but came home a veteran. The tears wetting his cheeks say it all.

More entries to come today....stay tune

Young Patriots

2009-06-01T03:40:00.002-07:00

Young Patriots

I have wanted to write this entry for a couple of weeks now, but for whatever reason I got side tracked. I think it is time to tell this story.

� I didn't have a very easy time growing up and when you grow up like did it makes you question your own ability to be a parent. You want to do better, give more and try harder than what you got as a child. I am a person with very low self asteem, so I probably doubt myself more than a "normal" person would. Even though I try very very hard to be a good mom, I never think I do a good enough job. But a couple of weeks ago at a homecoming for troops, my kids put to rest at least one doubt I had. I know in my heart that I am raising two children who love their country and those who protect it.

� When the�buzzer sounded and the huge hangar doors opened on a recent Tuesday afternoon, I felt a sense of pride that I have never felt.�Sitting in the stands with one of my soldiers, Jason, �were my kids William and Madison. We had taken them out of school early so they could be at a homecoming. Most of the others I go to are too early in the morning or too late at night. They had been asking and asking to go, so this one seemed perfect. Because I had to stand at the USO table behind the stands, I let them sit with Jason. My heart was so full just seeing them sitting on each side of him. He is their hero and he is now part of our family. So it was a great thing for me to see them all together. When the buzzer sounded and the doors opened they all jumped to their feet. When the soldiers marched in the National Anthem began to play. I automatically put my hand over my heart. Tears came to my eyes when I looked at my kids and Jason. Jason was standing tall in his uniform saluting and on each side of him were my kids. Both of them had their hands over their hearts and they were facing the flag. I watched as they each took turns looking up�in awe at �Jason.��I was stunned and I was proud.�Even though I could only �see them from behind and not the front�, �it was sight that will remain in my memory forever.

�I often wonder if kids are a reflection of who you are? If that's the case...then maybe I'm not as bad as I think I am?� � One thing is for sure though, I'm so very proud of my young patriots.� And of course "my" soldiers who they look up to.

The Hardest Decision

2009-06-01T03:40:00.001-07:00

The Hardest Decision

�My husband's van just went around the corner and out of my sight. In that van was my dog Pebbles going for the last ride of her life. As I sit here gulping for air between sobs...I wonder if she knew? Was it a relief?

�Pebbles and her brother Bam Bam came to me as tiny puppies. They were found at a school where the kids were kicking and mistreating them. Pebbles' shoulder had been injured somehow and we were told later in life it might bother her. That was about 14 years ago. About a month ago, she suddenly started falling over..like she was dizzy or something. So we took her to the vet and he said all of the cartilage was gone in her shoulder..it was now bone on bone. The reason she was falling over was because she was in so much pain. She couldn't put pressure on her leg at all. So we decided to try some steroids. Well, that didn't work. We tried another medication, that didn't work. she soon stopped walking all together. We tried shots...nope..didn't work. But thru all of this her appetite was good and she was very alert. She followed me with her eyes everywhere I went. But seeing her lay there..was just too much. Knowing I wasn't strong enough to make the decision I told my husband he'd have to do it. I asked him to please not tell me when he was taking her. Well I went out this morning to feed her and she was gone. I asked him where she was and he said he was giving her a bath in our grooming shop. Whew..I was relieved! He came up a little while ago..without her..and left early to go get our kids from school..he drove his van and not mine..and I know why without asking..I'm so scared to ask..but I know.....he took her away....now I'm filled with guilt because I never said goodbye...I'm so sorry Pebbl

A Homecoming

2009-06-01T03:39:00.000-07:00

A Homecoming

I was lucky enough to be at another homecoming this week. 107 soldiers came home to Hunter. If you've never been to a homecoming here let me say..there is NO other feeling like it.�Because these soldiers are stationed at Hunter Army Airfield they have homecomings in huge hangars. I had a blackhawk behind me and an apache on my right! It was pretty cool to say the least. The hangar has very tall doors. They keep the doors closed while you're waiting on the troops to make it over from the plane. The closed doors only heighten the anxiety level. You never know when the soldiers are on the other side. On this day, the commander said to the crowd," I think these soldiers are wondering if this hangar is empty? They don't hear any noise in�� here!! " Of course the entire place, even the civilian crews working on the equipment, went into a thunderous applause and cheers. But the doors didn't open! Hmmm...a minute or two later the commander says the same again only this time adding that these soldiers had been gone for�a year..they deserved more applause !! Wow..I thought I would go deaf after he said that. A loud buzzer rang and the door on my left opened..it revealed a group of soldiers standing in formation...there they were!!! The other side opened and revealed the rest. People were cheering..crying and waving tiny flags.� What an awesome experience. I even took my kids out of school early so they could be there. But that is a story for another entry. � When you're part of things like this it truly makes you humble. It makes you realize the sacrifice the troops and their familes undergo. To be there when they come home is an honor and it is something I will never, ever take for granted.

�

I Wish You Enough

2009-06-01T03:38:00.002-07:00

I Wish You Enough

I got an e-�card today from a �guy friend very far away.� I also got this same story as an email once. It's ironic that I got this today because just this weekend I was telling someone about the email I had gotten. I don't believe 99% of the forwards I get in emails. But this one in particular touched me so much I never forgot it.� I have made many friends online that I know I'll never have the pleasure of meeting. Some of them mean more to me than the people I have to deal with everyday face to face. Although my blog is not popular and I'm not famous, I certainly feel that way. I owe that to the people who support me and give me the encouragement I need to keep writing. So Kathi, Brian, Darrin, Cuffs, John, Mickey,�Ruth, Cat, Jane and�Roger.. I thank you and I love you all..but most of all... I wish you enough.

I WISH YOU ENOUGH

Recently I overheard a father and daughter in their last moments together. They had announced her departure and standing near the security gate, they hugged and he said, "I love you. I wish you enough."She in turn said, "Daddy, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed. I wish you enough, too, Daddy." They kissed and she left.

He walked over toward the window where I was seated. Standing there I could see he wanted and needed to cry. I tried not to intrude on his privacy, but he welcomed me in by asking, "Did you ever say good-bye to someone knowing it would be forever?"

"Yes, I have," I replied. Saying that brought back memories I had of expressing my love and appreciation for all my Dad had done for me. Recognizing that his days were limited, I took the time to tell him face to face how much he meant to me. So I knew what this man was experiencing.

"Forgive me for asking, but why is this a forever good-bye?" I asked.

"I am old and she lives much too far away. I have challenges ahead, and the reality is, the next trip back will be for my funeral," he said.

"When you were saying good-bye I heard you say,'I wish you enough.' May I ask what that means?"

He began to smile, "That's a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone." He paused for a moment and looking up as if trying to remember it in detail, he smiled even more.

"When we said 'I wish you enough,' we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with just enough good things to sustain them," he continued and then turning toward me he shared the following as if he were reciting it from memory:

I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright.
I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more.
I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.
I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger.
I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.
I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.
I wish enough "Hello's" to get you through the final "Goodbye.

He then began to sob and walked away. �

the circle continues

2009-06-01T03:38:00.001-07:00

And the Circle Continues

I got a message on my phone last night from my Aunt Mary saying she needed my help with an incoming flight. The flight was coming in at 2:30AM and I got the message at 12:30AM! So I rush home and put on my USO clothes and head over to the air field. Before I can get to the air field I see the plane landing. Oh crap!! I'm late!!And it's only 1:10!! ��I get my pass and make my way to the hangar. Funny thing..there were no busses out front..hmmmm...that's strange. But I figure the plane is early so maybe the busses are late???�So I go inside and look for my aunt. She's so frazzled!�She comes up to me and starts telling me that a huge mess is going on. She says instead of an incoming flight, this is actually an outgoing flight! She has no care packages to give out and she's frantic. I look across the room..and sitting on the floor are about 40 soldiers. They're just sitting and waiting. Damn! I wasn't mentally prepared for this! I thought this was a happy occasion?!� I'm not ready to do deployments again..it's too soon! I try to help my aunt find calling cards and wipes to give out to whomever wants them. I'm making my way around the room handing them out..and here comes the busses! Three busloads of soldiers..123 total. I turn away and go back to handing out wipes. I go up to two guys sitting on the floor and ask them if they'd like a phone card?..They both say yes..so I hand them a card and one�says, "I'd like one of those wristbands too if you have another." I look down and see my "freedom" wristband. I told him I didn't have another, but he could have mine. So I took my band off and told him I had to put it on him. That it was my rule that I only give them away if I can put it on them. He agreed. Then he surprised me and said,"Will you be here when I come home?" I shook my head yes..he said," I'll give this back to you when I get back." I could only shake my head and smile. When the time came for them to get on the plane , which was 5:15 AM..NOT 2:30, they came out in a single file line. They had 6 American flags over their heads when they walked out. Three on each side of the walkway. As they walked by shaking hands with people wishing them well I looked at each face. So young, so innocent, yet carrying a weapon as big as some of them were. One young guy in particular caught my eye and I watched him go by. As he made his way to the plane he turned and looked back..and he continued to look back. It was like he was trying to memorize every detail his eyes could take in. Then I started thinking..this could really be the last time he sees American soil. He may not make it home. An overwhelming sadness hit me and in the darkness hiding behind the huge American flag I held, I silently stood weeping. As the tears ran down my cheeks..the young guy got further away. I watched until he made it on the plane and I lost sight of him. I shook myself out of the daze I was in and started saying goodbye to the rest of those deploying. All of a sudden I see this wrist shoot up in the air! And I hear, " I got you! I got you right here! And I'm bringing this home to you!!"� It was my wristband guy! He was holding his wrist high above the crowd and yelling to me.� "I'll be right here waiting for you to come home!" I yelled back to him. And with a huge grin he turned and disappeared. With the last of the soldiers on board the other�volunteers (USO and Red Cross) made their way inside so they could go home.� I stood alone..just me and my flag and waited.�A soldier came up behind me and said," Wow..you wait until they load?" I said, " I not only wait until they load, I wait until they leave. It's the least I can do. It's my job to see them off." "Thats awesome! Most people wouldn't be that thoughtful." he said. �I looked around at the empty tarmac and said, " No, apparently not.But I want to make sure that if one of them looks out their window they will see someone who cares about them standing here waving goodbye."� So in silence we watched the plane taxi away and then leave. When I couldn't see it anymore I too left. �

Article on Sirius

2009-06-01T03:37:00.002-07:00

An Article on Sirius in USA Today

Officer Lim sent me a link to this article in USA Today. I can tell from his words that his emotions are still raw..duh! I can't help but cry when I read about this heroic dog.

�

A dog's water bowl turned up in the rubble at Ground Zero. The FBI gave it to the owner's partner and closest friend, Port Authority police Officer David Lim.

The bowl belonged to Sirius, a bomb-sniffing dog that Lim left in his kennel in the World Trade Center basement on Sept. 11 when he ran upstairs to help evacuate the north tower. When the towers collapsed, Sirius was killed.

Lim, 50, was one of just 20 people to emerge alive from the collapsed towers. He crawled up a north tower stairway after the building collapsed and came out atop the rubble.

Afterward, he overcame his shyness and for a year traveled around the country to tell his story, honor the dead and be a role model for Asians, he says.

When Lim went back to the K-9 unit, he was paired with Sprig, a black Lab. Last year, when he was promoted to sergeant, it meant reassignment from K-9. So the department allowed Sprig to take early retirement (at age 6) and become Lim's pet.

Saying goodbye to a second dog would have been more than Lim could bear, he says. "I don't think I would have taken the promotion. ... To go home and tell my kids I traded the dog for stripes?"

He still works on the front line of defense, patrolling John F. Kennedy International Airport.

For a time, Lim says, "it was hard for me to figure out what (Sirius') contribution was on that particular day. If I would have taken that dog and left the building with him, nobody would have faulted me. I'd have saved the one life I was responsible for. But I told him I would come back for him and went to help the people. And he didn't make it, and I did."

Finally, he inscribed on Sirius' bowl the answer to the question that troubled him: "I gave my life so you could save others."

A forgotten victim

2009-06-01T03:37:00.001-07:00

A Forgotten Victim

The Port Authtority lost an officer on September 11 who I don't think is recognized enough. He's not given much thought to by most because he's a not a human. But Port Authority k-9 Sirius was as much an officer as his two legged partner. He was a bomb detection dog and was on duty on the morning of September 11. When the first plane struck the tower his handler David Lim put him in his kennel and told him to wait..he would be back. Little did Officer Lim know he was about to be trapped himself by the collapse of the second tower. He was�trapped in a stairwell when the tower came down. But by a miracle he survived. I read in a book that Officer Lim could be heard saying, "Oh my God..my dog..I have to go get my dog." Sadly the other tower collapsed before Officer Lim could free himself. Sirius died in his kennel in the basement.

� On January 22, 2002 Officer Lim got a call that the remains of his partner had been found. He returned to Ground Zero to carry his friend out of the rubble. Sirius�was place on a gurney and covered with an American flag. Just as every other set of remains had been. All the work on the site stopped and respects were paid to a fallen comrade.

��

A memorial service for Sirius was held a few months later. It was attended by over 400 other service dogs. Officer Lim was presented with Sirius' water bowl that had also been recovered from the site. Engraved on the bowl were the words, "I gave my life so that you may help others."�

�I can't tell you the number of tears I have shed over Sirius. Maybe it's because I have dogs of my own and I can see them sitting and waiting on my return, just as Sirius did Officer Lim. The forever faithful companion and partner. If you've never heard of Sirius, I urge you to go and read about him and all the other heroic canine teams from Ground Zero. They worked tirelessly right along side their humans. Here is one link you can go to. http://dogsinthenews.com/issues/0206/articles/020601a.htm�

��

Christopher Randall Larrabee

2009-06-01T03:36:00.001-07:00

Christopher Randall Larrabee

September 11th, 2001 is a day that changed my life, just like so many other people. I saw how selfishly I lived my life and how much I took for granted. It is a day that I vowed I would never forget and I have been true to my word. So when I heard about this project going on to memorialize each victim from the World Trade Center site I knew I wanted to be part of it. When I signed up for the 2,996 Project I did not realize the task I had agreed to. I had no idea it would become such an emotional journey.� So as I sit here now and try to write this tribute to Christopher Randall Larrabee, my assigned person, my stomach is in knots. I'm worried I may disappoint his family.��I hope to do my best to honor his memory on behalf of his family and friends.

After hours and hours of searching I really couldn't find out much information on Christopher Randall Larrabee. I searched newspapers, I searched September 11 sites. You name it, I was probably there. I think the reason I couldn't find�a great deal on Chris' life is because he was just an ordinary guy. �He'd �never broken any world records or�had been on any crime sprees. He was just an average American...that�is except to his family. To his family Chris was a son to Janet��and Stephen, a brother to Nicole, and a twin to his sister Paige and now an uncle to a child who will never get to meet him. �

Chris grew up in Palo Verdes Estates, California.�He truly seemed he was the life of the party. He played high school foot ball, and acted in plays he once even dressed as a cowboy and had to make up his lines as he went along. He apparently stole the show! At the age of 18 he had to undergo brain surgery because of painful seizures. He continued with his studies at the University of Arizona and in 1998 he graduated with a Bachelors degree in media arts.�He stopped his seizure medications and wound up back in the hospital. When he recovered from that he took a vow to live each day to its fullest.

In 2001 he moved from California to New York. He had his sights set on becoming an institutional stock broker; His father Stephen helped him get a job with Cantor Fitzgerald on the 104th floor of the World Trade Center in New York City. At 26 he� had just�started his life in a new city and on a new salary. And even though he was far from home and his family and a bit nervous living in such a big city he was on his way.�This young mans life was changing and he was enjoying every minute of it. And he did until September 11, 2001 terrorists took his life at the young age of 26, on the 104th floor of the World Trade Center.

�When I started writing this I never really expected it to become�so personal. But I spent hours reading everything I could find on Chris. I wanted him to be remembered. It's hard to write about someone you never met and sadly never will. But the more I read, the more I have gotten to know and like him. I couldn't help but think of all the things he will never be able to do. He will never be a husband, a father or even a stockbroker. His life was taken away. And for what?�Because he was an American and he �went to work on a beautiful sunny Tuesday September �morning.�It really doesn't make sense.�After reading entry upon entry of online tributes and guestbook’s I can tell you he was well liked by his friends and very loved by his family. Reading their descriptions of him gave me a picture of a guy who was really funny and great to be around. I know I would have enjoyed his company and we would have become fast friends.

The more I read the more I feel his family's loss.� I can't help but wonder if my fellow bloggers are going through the same thing. A connection with a total stranger who you will never be able to meet. I will never forget this journey. It has made me a better person. Chris? If you're looking down on me from above, I hope I did you justice.� I tried my very best. I will never forget you and please know you are�deeply missed.

said 33 months ago Edit · Delete · Permalink · 1 Comments

thank you ernesto

2009-06-01T03:35:00.000-07:00

Thank You Ernesto

Well..after much nail biting and waiting Tropical Storm Ernesto passed by my sleepy southern city today. You would have never guessed today was different from any other. It barely even rained. But please don't think I'm complaining! We have been spared Mother Nature's wrath once again. Ernesto did however give me one of the most beautiful sunsets I've ever seen!� I remember when I was little and I would see the rays of sunlight coming down thru the clouds and I always thought that was God bringing people up to Heaven. That they climbed up the sun beams to the Pearly Gates. Now that I'm an adult...well...I still believe that exact same thing...it's too beautiful to think anything less. ��

Overdue trip

2009-06-01T03:34:00.000-07:00

An Overdue Trip

�I made a trip today. It was a trip I was supposed to make on August 12. However different family things kept keeping me away. But today, I finally made my trip...I made my trip to honor my friend Rusty at Warriors Walk on Fort Stewart. I had my husband and two of my soldiers with me..but only my husband went with me to Rusty's tree.� Both of my soldiers have friends memorialized at the walk and for their own reasons chose to stay by the car.� We made our way down the concrete walkway between the trees. Names, faces and memories on each side.� As I made my way to his tree I took in the�other trees. Each one a tribute to a lost loved one. This place is so moving there's really no way to describe it. There are wind chimes, pictures, flags, flowers and many homemade items made by children. Children who miss whoever the tree is dedicated to..that they will never see again. I pass each one, getting closer to the person's tree I came to honor. I know exactly where his tree is and my heartbeat quickens as I get closer. My chest gets tighter, my breathing becomes more rapid. The more I try to keep it together the more I fall apart. My pace slowed�..then stopped..I was at my tree. Kneeling down, I straightened his tiny�flags, the flags I brought on my last visit.�This trip I brought him a wind sock colored like an American flag. I tied the string onto a branch and let the wind take it. The red and white streamers fluttered with the breeze. I stood back and watched for a few minutes, then turned to leave. About half way down the path I looked back one last time. That's when I noticed how much the wind sock made his tree stand out. It was billowing brightly trying to get the worlds attention. I smiled to myself and made my way out of this sacred place. Back to my waiting friends..back to the real world..my mission was complete.

said 33 months ago Edit · Delete · Permalink · 2 Comments

my video

2009-06-01T03:33:00.002-07:00

My Video

Over the past five months my family and I have become very close to four young soldiers who are stationed here. They have each one managed to work their way into our hearts and lives. I feel as though I have four new sons. They have become a part of my daily life. If I have to go for a day or two without seeing them I miss them terribly. Now I'm faced with one going off to Ranger school for two months,� two going back to Iraq in December and the fourth moving away to Delaware. Just to think of ANY of that happening makes me cry. My children are 8 and 10 and I knew I'd go thru the empty nest syndrome one day. I just didn't know I'd go thru it 6 times instead of two.�

�Anyway, I was playing around with my pictures and I made this video. It is a compilation of their pictures, pictures from my USO homecomings and other pictures I had. �It is a small tribute to some of the people I respect and love most in this world.�

Since this is my first attempt attrying this video thing..I'm clueless on how to post a link. This is as close as I could get. You have to copy and paste the link.

http://video.yahoo.com/video/play?vid=f7ec7489b12b5b52634ee9b18d4b840f.699100

said 34 months ago Edit · Delete · Permalink · 3 Comments

tiny footprints

2009-06-01T03:33:00.001-07:00

The Tiniest Footprints

Tonight I went thru probably one of the hardest things I've ever been part of..I waited on my nephew to be born knowing he was only going to pass away soon after.

� My sister in law Lori was 22 weeks pregnant and�on Friday her water broke. She has been in the hospital all weekend. Both she and the baby were doing fine, but her amnio fluid was not rebuilding itself. I don't understand all the medical stuff that was involved in all this. All I got out of it was the baby's lungs weren't� going to develop without this fluid. There were many risks for birth defects etc. I can't even begin to explain all the things I was told..but none of it was hopeful or good. So my brother and Lori made the decision to have�labor induced and deliver the baby. She was transferred to another hospital and she waited seven hours before being induced. When the doctor got there it was all over in about an hour. Five months of pregnancy over in an hour..a lifetime of heartache began in an hour. As her contractions got worse she asked for pain meds. I left the room at this time. I felt I shouldn't be there. So I went to the waiting room,..and waited. A little while later the door opened and my brother walked in. He just sat down and didn't speak. He had a dazed look in his eyes. He looked at me and said, " He looked just like me..and I held him until he died." I squeezed my eyes shut and let the hot tears of anguish flow freely. As I sat there I heard him say," He made it 12 minutes..he cried the whole time..and he tried so hard to breathe." By this time he too is crying. We went back to the room with him to see Lori. She was knocked out by then thankfully. She was having bad cramps. The baby was gone from the room. We didn't stay long..just a few minutes. As we were leaving the nurse brought him a piece of paper. As she handed it to him I saw it. It had the tiniest set of footprints I've ever seen. ��

�What a cruel world we live in. With all the technology today why would you put someone thru what my sister in law had to go thru? She had to deliver this baby knowing it wasn't going to live. She had to lay there and listen to other babies being born. All these "�IT'S A BOY!!!! IT'S A GIRL !!" signs on these doors. And all she had was a card with a �purple leaf with a raindrop on it!! She will have to pass by the newborn nursery tomorrow. Those babies will go home in a car seat and her baby is going to a funeral home to be cremated. How can life be so cruel? Why..just why?? Please forgive me if I sound bitter..but damn..I AM bitter and I'm hurting. I can't imagine what my brother and Lori are going thru. stupid world...stupid stupid world�

A Re-enlistment To Remember

2009-06-01T03:31:00.002-07:00

A Re-enlistment To Remember

Last Friday we had a special visitor come to our area. It was the Vice President. He went to Fort Stewart to thank our military. While he was there he help to re-enlist a soldier. But this wasn't just any soldier. This was a purple heart veteran and amputee.�I can't even begin to imagine what�it was like to be there to witness this take place. And sadly I don't think most of America even knows it took place. I can't find it on any national news sites. I think it's a shame this took place and nobody noticed. Maybe that's what's wrong in this world..we concentrate too much on the negative and take the positive for granted. My Army friends told me it was unbearably hot and they stood in the sun for hours waiting for the VP's arrival. But after seeing that soldier sworn in, they said they'd do it all again. I have copied the story and put it below. I found it to be very inspiring.�

�

FORT STEWART - A 3rd Infantry Division soldier who lost his left leg last year to a roadside bomb in Iraq re-enlisted Friday with Vice President Dick Cheney administering the oath.

During a rally for more than 8,000 of his fellow soldiers, Cpl. Jerrod Fields raised his right hand before Cheney and pledged to serve another four years.

More than a year after he chose to have part of his leg amputated so he could continue serving, the Bradley gunner said he was "amazed" to have Cheney conduct his re-enlistment.

"He told me job well done ... and to keep fighting, keep pushing," said Fields, whose combat tour was cut short when a roadside bomb struck his Bradley armored vehicle on Feb. 21, 2005.

Fields, 24, said he hopes his decision to remain in the Army inspires other war amputees.

"I hope it gives them motivation," he said. "I have a lot of friends in the same position at Walter Reed (Army Medical Center) that want to stay in."

Yesterday's Army was likely to pat Fields on the back, quietly hand him a medical discharge and replace him in the ranks.

Friday's re-enlistment is a sign that today's Army is willing to give war amputees a chance to remain in combat positions.

Fields worked hard to achieve it, said Maj. Gen. Rick Lynch, the 3rd ID's commander. He passed his physical test, in part, by running two miles in 14 minutes, 9 seconds on his prosthetic leg.

"He's gone through eight legs because he's so difficult and demanding on that artificial leg," Lynch said. "I've got to tell you, I'm inspired by him as an individual and I'm inspired by him as a soldier."

At the Army post's parade grounds, bottled water was distributed to the soldiers and family members who waited for three hours in the July heat prior to Cheney's appearance.

When Cheney took the stage, he removed his suit jacket. That prompted a collective "Hoo-ah" from the soldiers.

"Mercy," Cheney said about the heat.

He went on to thank the soldiers for their service.

"Everyday you went about your job with focus and skill, regardless of the conditions," he said. "I know the desert out there can make the Georgia summer seem pretty mild."

Cheney said the United States will stay the course in Iraq, and slammed congressional critics who he said are advocating "a policy of retreat and defeatism."

"Terrorist attacks are not caused by the use of strength; they are invited by the perception of weakness," he said.

Troop levels in Iraq, he said, will be based on the advice of military commanders and "not according to artificial timelines set by politicians in Washington, D.C."

He also urged Americans to fight a "temptation to let up" five years after the Sept. 11 attacks.

Cheney's visit comes six months after the 19,000 soldiers of the 3rd ID finished their second combat tour. About 4,500 citizen-soldiers with the 48th Brigade returned in May after a year in Iraq. It was the largest deployment of Georgia guardsmen since World War II.

"I want to thank the city of Hinesville and Savannah and this entire region for standing behind our military veterans," Cheney said.

Freedom

2009-06-01T03:31:00.001-07:00

Freedom

Today, across our country people will celebrate freedom. Freedom of speech, freedom of religion and many many more. But I don't think most people stop and take to a moment to be thankful for all of those freedoms. I wonder if they think of how life would be without all the things we so often take for granted? While enjoying a picnic or cookout with their families and friends, do they think�about the men and women in far away lands defending freedom? The ones eating MRE's and having all their worldy goods covered in a layer of sand and enduring hardships we could not even begin to imagine.� Do they stop and say a small tiny prayer for those in harms way? Are they grateful? I don't have any answers to these questions. But as for myself, I can say�yes, I did say a prayer and yes, I am grateful. I am proud to be an American, I am proud of my country..but most of all I'm proud to say that I support the troops defending freedom. Happy 4th of July

Young, Afraid and Far From Home

2009-06-01T03:30:00.002-07:00

Young, Afraid and Far From Home

At the airport there have been many new graduates of basic training coming to Fort Stewart. 99% of them don't look to be old enough to� be shaving yet..but they are old enough to go into combat.� Last week at 4:45 my husband calls and tells me a severe storm is on it's way and I should think of leaving my USO booth a bit earlier than usual. I decide to take his advice because I'm terrified of storms and don't want to be driving home in bad weather. So I begin taking the� stuff off the counter�and putting it up in the back room. I come out of the back room and there before me is a young man in an Army uniform. He has been waiting in the reception room for the shuttle to Fort Stewart. �I smile at him and ask him if there's something I can do for him? He looks down at his boots and says, " Well, mam..see..I just got out of AIT and Fort Stewart is going to be �my first duty station. And well..I wanted to talk to my mama, but her cell phone is off and I don't have any other way of contacting her."� "Ok," I say and�� I wait to see what he's going to say next..then he breaks my heart..�"You see mam..well...I'm really scared and lonely �and I just really wanted to talk to my mama. So, I was wondering ..if it's not too much trouble..if maybe I can talk to you?" I'm at a loss for words.."Me? You want to talk to me?" I had to ask him. He says, " Yes mam if it's ok..I know you're probably busy..but I'm really nervous. "� I just look at him and say," Listen..you've done the hard part..you finished basic..you're done with AIT..it's all gravy from here."� I tell him about some of the other guys that I've seen come in that day and how nice and supportive the community around Fort Stewart is. A good bit of time passes and he seems much more relaxed. In the meantime the storm is raging outside. If I had left early I would have made it home before�the storm..but I would have missed something so much more important..I would have missed getting to know this sweet young soldier. Someone who just needed an ear to listen and a few kind words of reassurance. I was so glad to have been there for him. As a mom, I can only hope that somewhere down the road if my son or daughter need the same thing, they will find it even if it is a stranger who helps them. In the end, I wound up staying an extra hour and a half�with him until the shuttle came. He was standing talking to me about his brother when the driver walked in. I told him that was his shuttle and he went to get his bags. He came out of the room with both arms loaded with�all his bags. As he passed me he turned his head my way and said thank you. I told him he was welcome and watched him load up in the van that would take him to his new home. I walked back to my counter and just stood for a good while and just thought about what had just happened. I had just made a difference in a persons life. It was so small and yet so huge all at the same time. Wow....just...wow.......�

Another Great Day

2009-06-01T03:30:00.001-07:00

Another Great Day

�I got a call from my aunt on Sunday. She needed my help bringing in the last of the Air Guard from Georgia. Would I be interested in helping? Of course!! She tells me to meet her at 0500 because "wheels down" time was 0600. A little while later she calls me back and says "wheels down" time has changed to 0500..so meet her at 0400. Wow! That's way early!! But no problem. Well..we get to the air field only to find it all locked up tight. After waiting around about 15 minutes someone came and opened it up. They gave us the news that "wheels down" was now 0645! For some reason I'm not surprised. I've yet to bring in a flight that landed on time.But this is not a big deal to me.�It was just important for them come home...end of story.� Well..at 0640 we got word that the plane had landed and they were getting the luggage off etc. I was with the families so it would be at least another hour before they made it to where�I was. Well...0730 came..0800...0830..0900..0930..still no troops..??� Then at 0945�we saw the buses. The waiting for the families was over..their loved ones were home finally. I've never been this close to a homecoming. I've usually been in the �background. But this time I was right there! The bus doors opened right in front of me. And off they stepped. Each one straining his neck to find his family. There were new babies being introduced to daddies for the first time..kisses, hugs �and tears all around me. There are no words I can use to describe the feelings I get being part of things like this. It's overwhelming to say the least.�You see the buses coming and the familes start cheering, the bus drivers start blowing the horns..the guys are hanging out the windows waving little flags..people are wiping away the tears that are�streaming down their cheeks..jumping up and down and calling out the names of the ones they've been waiting on�for what seems like forever. And in the midst of all the joyful reunions..off just in the distance..I see it gently waving in the breeze..A beautiful sight to see..there�high upon a flag pole waves Old Glory.�Flying high and proud. �What a great day to be an American.�

Today

2009-06-01T03:29:00.003-07:00

Today

�I've spent a lot of time today remembering. Remembering emails and smiles I've shared with friends who are no longer here. I think when you start� being a "pen pal" you never think that anything will happen to them. You WANT to think that anyway. But sadly that's not always the case. The first time I lost a pen pal I remember it well. Even though I never got to know him because he was taken before I could...I think just the simple fact that I had written his name on a post card made my heart ache when he was lost. Something as insignificant as just writing his name made him one of "mine". Since then I've lost one other. �It will never get easier. It will never hurt less. I will never be the same either.

� As I was watching this video at the link below, I got a �text message on my phone. It was from one of "my " soldiers who is going back over soon. He was wishing everyone a peaceful Memorial Day. Tears were already making their way down my cheeks from watching the video..but when I read his message..the flood gates opened. So if you watch this video..have a tissue handy. In the morning at 0500 I get to bring home the last of the airmen from Georgia. They are returning to their families. Something many won't get to do.�� http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=70949371...

last monday in may

2009-06-01T03:29:00.001-07:00

The Last Monday In May

� The last Monday in May has been set aside as a holiday. It is a holiday set aside for remembrance and reflection. It is a holiday to pay our respects to all military service members who have fallen. But sadly, that meaning has been lost to so many. Memorial Day is NOT about big sales in department stores. It should not be seen as the "kick off" of summer.� It should be about patriotism and gratitude. We should all be grateful for those brave enough to go into harms way to protect us.

I'm having trouble with my thoughts today. So, I'll give you�the words to the song written about Memorial Day. �

�� “On This Day”

by Charles Strouse, 2003

�

The bugle has sounded, its notes drift away, this time now belongs to you.

On this day for one brief moment, hear the silence fill the air
Think of those who walked beside us, now no longer there,

Then don’t cry but hear their laughter, for their spirit lives inside
Let that mystic stream of mem’ry fill our hearts with pride!

Make us humble, make us knowing, and accepting what is done
On this day for now, forever, make this nation one!
On this day for all the fallen, make this nation one!

like family

2009-06-01T03:28:00.001-07:00

Like Family

� The plane carrying 291 National Guardsman landed at 4:30 in the morning. They all looked tired and weary as I'm sure they were. It was a pretty quiet night considering how many newly arriving soldiers were there. The coffee machine was by far the most popular place to be. With my back to the room I'm cleaning up my table, wiping up sugar and coffee droplets. Another volunteer is standing next to me but she is facing the room. Over my left shoulder I hear this voice with a southern accent say," I just wanted to say thank you. When I left my family couldn't be here with me to say goodbye, but �y'all were here. Now I'm home and once again, y'all are here. It means more to us than you will ever know. Y'all are like family to us." With that ever familiar lump forming in my throat and the tears that are so often in my eyes, I just stared at my shoes. I didn't turn around or reply. I just stayed frozen in my spot. I had no idea what to say. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Luckily the other volunteer isn't as big of a baby as I am and she was able to make an intelligent remark instead of staring dumbly at her shoes! � She told him it was our pleasure or something to that effect. After regaining my composure I asked her which guy had said it. She pointed him out to me. I walked over to where he was talking to his buddies. When they saw me coming they stopped midsentence for some reason. I wondered if I had a funny look on my face or something???? � Anyway I walked over to him and said, "I really appreciate the nice things you said a minute ago. We don't come out here and welcome you home for no reason. We consider it an honor to be here. Whether you're coming or going no soldier should feel alone. We get much more out of doing this than you think. Words like yours are what makes us proud and keeps us going. So as a gesture of appreciation I'd like for you to have this. When you wear it, look at it or think of it, I only ask that you remember this day." I removed my FREEDOM wristband and placed it on his arm. This time it was his turn to be speechless.

no place like home

2009-06-01T03:27:00.002-07:00

There's No Place Like Home

�I recently got back from a cruise to the West Carribean. I got to visit Belize and Costa Maya, Mexico. If you think you have it bad here in the USA...well go visit a country like either of those. It really makes you appreciate what we have here in this country.

�Yes! That's a baby howler monkey on my back. It was left by it's mother and found by this lady.�THAT was by far the best part of the trip

Bringing them home

2009-06-01T03:27:00.001-07:00

Bringing Them Home

It's 7:00AM on a foggy Thursday morning, I'm waiting in line to get on post. I'm going to meet a plane carrying 291 Georgia National Guardsman, the 48th Brigade. I get my pass and make my way around to the back of the post. I have butterflies in my stomach. I've yet to bring in a plane that I don't get butterflies. The fog is really thick this morning. As I get closer I can see a plane on the tarmac. I almost panic! I'm worried they came in early and I've missed it. But then I begin to see the familiar�shapes of the white buses. The buses that will take these guardsman to their families in about three hours.� I'm glad I didn't miss this plane! I grab my apron and make my way inside to make sure plenty of water and drinks are on hand.� I walk in to find out that the plane has been delayed an hour due to the fog. I do just love the hurry up and wait game. � After standing around and waiting for an hour and a half I hear sirens. I don't think anything of it. Then I hear all this chatter and commotion. I turn around and who do I see? The governor of Georgia! He makes his way around and introduces himself. He's a nice man I guess..but my "celebrities" are on a plane coming home. When the plane does finally come in there is probably 60 people on the tarmac waiting to greet these guys. This is homecoming #16 for me.� When they start getting off the plane I can feel the excitement..ok ok..I'm a homecoming junkie...� Most of the planes that I've been there for have been very reserved. The soldiers just get off and make their way over to drop off weapons and that's it. But not these guys. They were waving to us and grinning ear to ear! One guy was�yelling "I love you! I love America! I'm home!" I shook each ones hand as they made their way inside. In addition to all of their gear some of them carried other things. One had a stuffed moose his daughter had sent him. One had a Georgia flag and held it over his head as he got off the plane. But there's one that really sticks out in my mind...I saw him coming towards me and the other USO volunteer with me. The volunteer with me�was holding a big flag. I watched this guy walk toward us..when he was about three feet away he stopped and saluted the flag my friend was holding. Then he took that flag in his hands and kissed it. That's when I saw what he was holding in his right hand...a beaten up faded flag. The stick had long since broken off..but that didn't really seem to matter to him. He� carried that flag as if it were brand new. I was glad he was one of the last guys to come through because I almost lost it. I had to turn around and not look at him anymore. I can honestly say I think this was the best homecoming I've ever done. ��

said 37 months ago Edit · Delete · Permalink · 3 Comments

tonight

2009-06-01T03:25:00.000-07:00

Tonight I Brought Home a Friend

Last May I helped with "Family Day" for the 48th Brigade. It was a day of fun for the soldiers and thier families before they deployed. I was handing out drinks when a familiar face came up to me. It took me a second to realize who he was..but then it dawned on me..this was one of my son's best friends dad. Someone I had known for years. I never knew he was in the Guard! Then it began to sink in as to why he was there..he was leaving. I called my husband over and told him and we all three just stood there. We just looked at each other..at a loss for words. I looked at Bill (my husband) and his eyes were filling with tears. The hardest thing to do for me is to put a soldier on a plane going to war..it's even harder when it's someone you know. After shaking off the dumbfounded moment we were in, we talked a bit. He asked Bill if he'd help out his wife is she needed something and make sure they were ok? Bill agreed to do whatever he could. Then he left and we haven't heard from him since..well guess what? Tonight he came home! It was raining and 3:oo AM..but he came home! I could tell who it was coming towards me..I could make out his shape and swagger even in the rain. I couldn't really get excited to see him too much or hug him or anything because we aren't supposed to know the people we send off or bring home. This was a fluke..but what a great fluke it was! I'm only sorry I couldn't be there to see him reunite with his family again. My best wishes go out to the Brooks family... WELCOME HOME TERRY!!!!! �

the message

2009-06-01T03:24:00.000-07:00

said 37 months ago Edit · Delete · Permalink · 0 Comments

The Message

� Last week at the airport I had a man come up to my counter and ask me if I'd like to hear a story about the USO? I said, "Well� is it a good story?" He said he'd let me decide. He said that because of the USO he got to see the Bob Hope Christmas show when he was in Vietnam. Because of the USO he always had�a place to rest in�airports. Lastly because of the USO he had a place he knew he could go where someone would be nice to him. He told me all about his time in Vietnam. I told him about some of my times with the USO. I told him that later that night I was going to be bringing some troops home from Iraq. He said, "Would you do me a favor? Would you give them a message for me?�When you get some time I want you to pull a couple aside and tell them that an old Vietnam Veteran said thank you and welcome home." I was so taken aback by his words that tears just instantly formed in my eyes. My bottom lip trembled and I managed to shake my head that indeed I would deliver his message. I felt so silly sitting there on the verge of a melt down in front of a stranger.�Luckily he didn't make a big deal out of my lack of composure. He laughed and said, "Don't feel bad..women always cry when I leave the room..oh sorry..I have that wrong..women always cry when I ENTER the room."

�He made his way off to the gate. I thought he was gone. A short time later I saw him back at the Delta counter. When he was finished and was coming back my way I walked over to him. I took my wristband off and told him I wanted him to have it to remember me by. He said he'd be honored to wear it.� As he turned to leave he looked down at it and said, "Thank you very much. I will wear this but most of all I will remember the spirit in which it was given to me. "

said 37 months ago Edit · Delete · Permalink · 1 Comments

good stuff

2009-06-01T03:23:00.002-07:00

Good Stuff!!!!!!

Another 340 soldiers landed on American soil yesterday!! I was lucky enough to be there to welcome them home.� They were so happy to be home. I think I can say that's some good stuff!! Welcome home guys! �

said 37 months ago Edit · Delete · Permalink · 0 Comments

have we forgotten?

2009-06-01T03:23:00.001-07:00

Compose Entry

Have We Forgotten?

�I think the Moussaoui trial has made me stop and wonder about things.� When I read the happenings inside the court there it brings that day back to me. I can't help but wonder what it's doing to the jury to have to relive that day all over again? They are seeing pictures that have never been seen before by the public. Hearing the tapes of the 9-11 calls. I wonder if this is having the same effect on them that it is me? I know for a fact that I never healed from that day and to be honest I'm glad for that. Because I know that I never forgot that day. I remember the feelings I had that day as I watched it all unfold before my eyes on TV. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. I remember the families desperatly searching for the loved ones who were missing. How they broke down while trying to talk to the reporters. How I broke down right along with them. I remember watching the news 24 hours a day..... never turning the TV off. I remember the pain I felt....the hopeless wanting to do something to help �but no idea of how or what. I felt guilty for smiling. How could I smile when so many of my fellow Americans were in heartache? But above all else I remember the way we united as a country. There was no Republican or Democrat...no black and white...we all stood side by side as one. And the media told the stories of good genuine people helping one another. We sooooo needed that in those days that followed.� We were a country that had been attacked and we were soon at war. Everyone understood it...agreed with it...and supported it. United we would prevail. But sadly, all the unity disappeared and people seem to have forgotten that day and the days that followed. I just don't see how it could be true...but you only have to watch the news to see it for yourselves. The same troops that went over to vindicate a wrong done to this nation are the same ones in Iraq. So when did parts of the American public decide that their job was no longer a good and just one? They need our support now as much as if not more than they did then. Don't forget September 11, 2001. ��

Watching the Tears Fall

2009-06-01T03:22:00.000-07:00

Watching The Tears Fall

�This week I was reminded once again of the sacrifice a soldier makes when he leaves loved ones behind. I was at the USO counter watching people go by. It was a pretty slow day, more soldiers walking around than usual though.� I saw a young couple go by heading down to the Delta counter. He was in ACUs but I couldn't see his unit patch. I'm assuming it was a 48th patch though.� That's the Georgia National Guard. They will be returning soon. (hurrraaay) Anyway, they went to the ticket counter and he got his ticket. Then I lost track of them. About an hour later I saw them again, this time at the top of the escalator. They were just standing there. I went back to reading the book I had. Then I heard someone sobbing..I looked up and it was the young girl with the soldier. I see people wiping away tears in the airport all the time..but this was different. They were on the other side of the airport from where I was and I could hear her crying.� She was holding onto him for dear life and these gut wrenching sobs were making their way to my ears.� I didn't want to stare, but I couldn't help myself. He was doing all he could to comfort her..but it wasn't happening. This went on for a few minutes then she finally calmed down a bit. He kept gently kissing her forehead and she kept wiping tears away. Then she finally let go and he took a step back...he stood up straight and tall. With one last kiss he turned to walk away. She turned and was going down the escalator. I saw what she didn't though..although he�had turned to leave he didn't..he stood and watched her until she was gone.� When she was out of his sight he made his way to security. �

�I can't even begin to think about how heavy his heart was as he made his way thru the gate. Why did he watch her go like he did? Did he wonder if it would be the last time he would see her?�I was reminded that it's not only our troops who make the sacrifice, but also the ones left behind.�

The Very First "Thank You"

2009-06-01T03:21:00.002-07:00

said 38 months ago Edit · Delete · Permalink · 2 Comments

William, the Soldier and the Very First Thank You

I had this story posted on my online journal and I thought I'd move it here. I hope you like it.
My son William began playing baseball when he was six. He turned six in April 2002, seven months after 9-11. I live in Savannah, Ga.a city with a heavy military population. Hunter Army Airfield is here and Ft. Stewart is only about 35 minutes away.
September 11, 2001, was an eye opening day for me. September 12 was a wake up call.
In the days that followed I saw more and more activity as far military things go. More helicopters flying over, more trucks on the road etc. Only when I began to see friends and neighbors going away did it really hit me. Only then did I understand and respect the sacrifice and commitment of our military. I watched fellow parents deploy and leave their families. They left to go an unknown land with the heavy burden of sorrow of a nation on their shoulders. I watched children cry for their daddy. I watched children reach for their mommy. I've never felt so helpless and useless in my life. My own children began to ask questions. Why did Logan's daddy have to go away? I did my best to explain something that I didn't understand myself. But I told them that we should be grateful to men like Logan's daddy. That he was willing to go and fight the "bad guys" so that we could be safe. And each time we saw a soldier we should tell them thank you. Well, one afternoon after a baseball game William (my son) and I were sitting in our car in the mall parking lot. My husband and daughter were inside and we were waiting on them. Well, William spots three young soldiers coming out of the mall. And he yells, " look momma! There's some soldiers! Can I go say thank you?" I told him he could so I got out and walked to the back of the car. I watched my six year old in his little league baseball uniform run over to these young men in their uniform. They were getting into their car and didn't really appear to understand what he wanted. One of them took the time to bend down to him, then I saw my son looking up at him. The young soldier took my son's hand and shook it. To see these two, a child in his baseball uniform and this young man in the uniform of his country was an overwhelming sight to witness. As tears rolled down my cheeks I realized that I had just seen what it truly means to be an American.

A day for heroes

2009-06-01T03:21:00.001-07:00

A Day For the Heroes

�On Saturday I went to Ft. Stewart where the USO was putting on a welcome home day for the 3rd ID. Local food places donated food and a carnival was set up for the soldiers' families. Jeff Foxworthy performed and so did Chely Wright. It was a great day! But a couple of things made it stand out in my mind. First I'll tell you about Jeff Foxworthy. He was as funny as ever of course, but when he finished his "act" he said some truly heartfelt things to�his audience. He told them thank you. He told them how much they were appreciated. Most of all he told them how honored he was to be there. When he was finished he came over to the fence near where I was standing. Of course a huge crowd soon came over also. But what made this crowd different was 90% of the men around me were wounded�soldiers. Some on crutches..some leaning on canes..some just walking with a limp. Standing right next to me was a young redhead. When Jeff got to her I overheard a soldier tell him that she was the wife of Sgt. so and so (I couldn't hear his name) and that Sgt so and so didn't make it home from Iraq. � Jeff took this young girl and hugged her so tight and told her how sorry he was for her loss. I had to look away. I didn't want to be there. I didn't belong where I was standing. I didn't deserve to be standing there amongst these men. I wanted out of that crowd and couldn't get out. So as Jeff made his way down the line signing autographs I turned away. Bill was telling me to turn around and get my picture with him and I just said NO. I was NOT going to be an autograph seeker in this crowd. It wasn't about me..it was all about THEM. Anyway..he spent about 30 minutes signing and posing for pictures. Then he went into the VIP tent. Next came country singer Chely Wright. I don't care much for country music, but I had however heard one song of hers. It's called Bumper of My SUV. When the time came for her to sing that song she told the story behind her writing it etc. As I sat and listened to her relay the story, I looked at the faces around me. On my right was an MP who looked about 19 and on my left was a young guy sitting all alone. He had a cane propped up against his chair. I sat and stared at his profile in awe. He looked like he was literally absorbing every word she was saying. He was so focused.� So in hearing what she was saying and seeing his reaction my eyes of course welled with tears. I felt like the luckiest person in the world to be where I was at that moment. To be surrounded by people who had made such a huge sacrifice was overwhelming to me. I had a pain in my chest that I first thought was a heart attack! Then I realized it wasn't a heart attack....it was pride. I felt so much pride for a young man that I'd never seen before...for a young man who gave so much for the country he loved. Bless his heart..and all those like him. Below are the lyrics to the song Chely was inspired to write on behalf of her brother..a United States Marine .

I've got a bright red sticker on the back of my car
Says United States Marines
And yesterday a lady in a mini-van held up a middle finger at me
Does she think she knows what I stand for
Or the things that I believe
Just by looking at a sticker for the U.S. Marines
On the bumper of my SUV

See, my brother Chris, he's been in for more than 14 years now
Our dad was in the Navy during Vietnam
Did his duty then he got out
And my grandpa earned his purple heart
On the beach of Normandy
That's why I've got a sticker for the U.S. Marines
On the bumper of my SUV

But that doesn't mean that I want war
I'm not Republican or Democrat
But I've gone all around this crazy world
Just to try and better understand
Yes, I do have questions
I get to ask them because I'm free
That's why I've got a sticker for the U.S. Marines
On the bumper of my SUV

'Cause I've been to Hiroshima
And I've been to the DMZ
I've walked on the sand in Baghdad
Still don't have all of the answers I need
But I guess I wanna know where she's been
Before she judges and gestures to me
'Cause she don't like my sticker for the U.S. Marines
On the bumper of my SUV

So I hope that lady in her mini-van
Turns on her radio and hears this from me
As she picks up her kids from their private school
And drives home safely on our city streets
Or to the building where her church group meets
Yeah, that's why I've got a sticker for the U.S. Marines
On the bumper of my SUV

No matter what your views are on the war..no matter what political party you belong to..we are ALL Americans!! Don't be the lady in the mini van. Don't assume things that you know nothing about. Don't be so quick to judge. If you say you support the troops then dammit do it with more than lip service. Send a care package, a letter or even a post card. They don't care...they only want to know that they aren't fighting for nothing.�

In the Arms of Angels

2009-06-01T03:20:00.000-07:00

In the Arms of Angels

�My children go to school with a little boy named Jacob. He is in kindergarten. He is a brave little boy, because Jacob has cancer. I don't know what kind of cancer..I just know it's cancer. I've only seen him a couple of times. Each time I did see him he was surrounded by other kids. All the kids just loved him. And how could they not? He had such a bright smile and an infectious laughter.�Right before Christmas the school had a fund raiser to help send Jacob to Disney World. Bill and I were going to donate money, but my kids said they wanted to give him their own money. That's when I knew I was raising two amazing little people. They went to their rooms and got their money from the tooth fairy, twenty dollars in all, and took it to school. The school wound up raising over$6,000 for his trip! It makes me sad now because I never thought to ask anything more about it. I assumed I'd find out later on in the year how it all went. Well..later on will never come now...brave little Jacob passed away this week. We have been asked to pray for his family.� As I sit here in my empty house all I want to do is hug my kids. You get so caught up in life sometimes that you forget the precious little things. It's way too easy to take things for granted. I find comfort in knowing that Jacob will no longer be sick or in pain. Those of us left behind have the pain now. RIP little Jacob.

the little girl

2009-06-01T03:19:00.000-07:00

The Little Girl

Last week at the airport while talking with one of "my Marines" a man and his two daughters came up and asked me about a gate pass. His wife was coming home from Iraq and he wanted to see if he could get past security to meet her at the gate. He had a huge bouquet flowers, which his daughter was holding and he had a big assortment of balloons. You could see the excitement in their faces. This is one of my favorite parts of the airport. I get to see families reunite. Anyway, I told him where he needed to go to get the help he needed. I gave him two flags for his daughters. He handed a flag to the one holding the flowers and she took. I have left out one part of this..the other daughter..a little girl with beautiful brown eyes..was severely handicapped and she was in a wheelchair. He took the flag and put it in her hand. He gently wrapped her fingers around the stick holding the flag. It took several times before she could hold onto it. Each time that he tried I think my heart broke just a little bit more. I couldn't help but wonder what this man, who was beaming over the return of his wife, his hero as the balloons read, what had he gone thru? How hard it must be without his wife there to help. Then I thought about the wife..being a mother I know how hard it is to be away from your children. I can't imagine what she has endured. What she has sacrificed to do her "job". He finally got the flag into her fingers and she held tight to it. He said thank you and told him to make sure he told his wife I said welcome home!! And off he went..off to get his hero! When he walked away I had to blink back tears. I looked at my friend Belton and I don't think either of us knew what to say. We just watched him make his way to the airline counter. About an hour later I saw them again...his hero, his wife, their mommy was home. As they waited on the elevator they looked my way and I smiled and waved. They waved back and grinned ear to ear! As they got on the elevator I saw the little girl in the wheelchair...she still had her flag.

said 39 months ago Edit · Delete · Permalink · 1 Comments

The Young Recruit

2009-06-01T03:17:00.000-07:00

The Young Recruit

�This is the story of young guy going to Parris Island for boot camp. At the airport here the Marines have an office. Recruits get off their flights, they are processed, then they are transported over to Parris Island. I don't usually see very many. Mostly they come late in the afternoon after I'm gone. One this day in particular, one came very early. He was there before the liasions were. So he was at my counter talking to me. He asked me for an envelope. He had written a letter to his girlfriend while he was on the plane. I got his envelope and he was just about to write her address when my friend Brosnan (recruit liasion) came over to get him. I told Brosnan what he was doing and asked if it was ok if he finished filling out the address. He said it was and to send him over when he was done.�I think it scared the little guy so bad..he lost all thought processes! He looked at me with a blank look on his face. When he finally spoke he said he couldn't remember where his girlfriend's address went on the envelope. I helped him finish his letter and he asked if I could mail it for him? I told him sure. He held the letter out to me...I tried to take it, but he wouldn't let go. He just had this�deer in the headlights like look �in his eyes. I finally put my hand over his and said," Hey...it's ok. I know you're scared, but you're gonna be fine. You're doing a good thing. A noble and respectable thing. Just don't quit." And with those words he released the letter and said thank you. He stood tall and walked over to the office to begin his journey to the famous yellow footprints. I saw him a couple of hours later as he made his way to the awaiting van. He looked over his shoulder at me and smiled. I was so proud of that young guy. I hope he made it. OOHRAH....