My first night as a USO volunteer was January 22, 2005...a night I will never forget!


Last night I went to Hunter Army Air field, here in Savannah. I went as a volunteer for the USO. It was first trip and I sort of nervous. I get really emotional when it comes to certain things. And our troops as you probably know happen to be one of those things. There were a couple hundred troops from the 3rdID leaving last night. So I went to help. My job was hand out Krispy Kreme doughnuts! OH NO not Krispy Kreme!! Anyway, I was so amazed at how relaxed and young these guys were!! They were ready to do their job. I watched them line up and board the plane. I was lucky enough to be on the tarmac when they left. I stood in the 30* temp waving a tiny flag. I watched a plane filled with American pride disappear into the night sky. I watched the lights until I could no longer see them. I wish I could describe what I saw and the feelings that I felt. I am overcome by the emotions today. I hope I can go back many many more times. I wish I could have thanked each one of them. But instead I had several actually thank ME! Thank ME for standing there and handing out doughnuts. They made a special effort to come and say thank you. There are just no words to express my gratitude to them.

Think Before You Speak!

I am always amazed at people who feel the need to share their opinions with you. Especially if you didn't ask. I know everyone has an opinion and has the right to share it. That's called freedom of speech..that's one of the things our military fights for. But what about when someone decides to use that same freedom against a military member? In the past month I've been witness to this a few times. I have had to let my soldiers, my friends, speak for themselves. I have almost bitten my tongue slap in half while doing this though. While talking to one of "my soldiers" I asked him if he missed life in Iraq. He has just returned stateside in January. I was pretty surprised by his answer. He said, "Yes, I do miss the life there." He said,"Life there made sense and I didn't have anyone telling me what I was fighting for was wrong." He went on to tell me about having a lady come up to him in an airport. He said she walked up and asked if he was military and he confirmed that he was in the Army. Well..for some reason she thought it would be a good idea to "share" her opinions with him. She told him he should go AWOL..never go back to the Army. She said she had a son and when he turned 18 she was taking him to Canada. Now why in the world would you go up to a total stranger and unleash on them like that? She didn't know him! I really wish I had been there. I asked him what he said to her when she was finished? He said her told her to have a nice trip to Canada.

The occasion I had the hardest time with though was with my friend Darrin. We were standing on a side walk and he was in uniform. A man came up to him and started telling him what he thought of the President and how we shouldn't be in Iraq...blah blah blah. Well after about one minute of it I was done! I knew I had to back off and let Darrin handle it. And he did. He defended the President, he spoke for our military and gave his views. That's when I heard the phrase I've grown to just LOVE to death.The man said, " I support our troops, I just don't support the war." Oh my God!!! I can think of very few things that send me over the edge faster than that! I just wanted to beat my head on the sidewalk. But I could only shake my head. When this man left this lady came up.. she told Darrin not to pay any attention to that man. She said she supported the troops...she had a magnet on her car and everything to prove it! Ya know..call me crazy, but I always got the impression supporting the troops went just a TINY bit further than the magnet on your car. Gosh..maybe I've gone overboard with all the care packages, letters. post cards and hours at USO??? I had no idea it was as easy as sticking that magnet on my car! Go figure. But that's ok, she can have her magnet..I'll keep supporting troops in my own way. And trust me it means more than a magnet

Remembering...

I feel as if I should write something for today. But with the day almost over, my mind is still blank..yet my heart is full. I'm a simple person and I think I could be described in a few words..wife, mother, friend..and a patriette ( is that a word? if not it is now) So how can i possibly describe to anyone what Memorial Day means to me? Where do i even begin? How do you remember and pay tribute to those who believed in something so much that they were willing to lay down their lives for it? That's too big for me to wrap my brain around. But I can tell you from my bubble what i witness and what I know. I have seen tens of thousands soldiers leave for overseas. Most times I'm the last person they pass by before getting on the plane. I'm the very last smile, hand shake, be safe or touch they get..because the harsh reality is they won't all come home..Even though the USO motto is "Until They All Come Home"..even the USO can't make that happen. So how do I put that into words? Knowing I'm the last one..it's a heavy weight to carry..but I get to go home to my family..they go to war. They sacrifice everything they have..so i can go home. So I will carry the weight of being the last one. They may not remember my name or face..but they will know someone was there for them.
Which brings me to today..I had all intentions of going to Warriors Walk today..but i didn't make it. I bought the flags and windsocks to take..they are still wrapped up in the bags..i didn't make it. Did I forget? HELL NO..I would NOT and will NEVER forget. One of my soldiers came over for the day. He was alone at home and didn't want to be. So he stayed here. I asked him to go with me to Warriors Walk but he said no. He had memories of his own to remember his friends by. I respect that but I also made a promise to two families..I gave my word I would always try my best to take something to their loved ones tree. and was guilt ridden over the thought of letting them down..but I thought of it all..my soldier was friends with one of the fallen I was going to see..so I wondered what would he rather me do? Leave his buddy alone to go remember him at Ft Stewart? Or remember him in my own way and take care of his buddy? Soldiers are selfless..so I knew the answer. I stayed home. And at sunset I sat alone holding my flag up to Heaven and whispered words of gratitude to each brave soul looking down on me and the sight of the tiny flag blowing in the wind. I guess it doesn't matter how you remember..just so long as you do..
Tomorrow..I go to Ft Stewart and I will keep my promise.

said 6 days ago Edit · Delete · Permalink · 0 Comments

The Human Spirit

I have only recently become a fan of the TV show Extreme Home Makeover. I always thought the show just went around and picked people who needed home repairs done. Boy was I wrong! The older episodes come on CMT every day. Almost each one is a family who has had some form of tragedy happen to them (which is why they need help). I cry every day when I watch it. Most people ask me why I watch it if it's sad and makes me cry? Well..because even though it's sad, it ends happy..or bittersweet at times. It feels cleansing. The show I watched today was bittersweet..a dying mans wish was granted..and he literally passed within days of seeing his dream come true. Sadly he never made it out of the hospital to actually see the home that was built for his family. But he was awake and aware that it was being done. His wife said that he would live on in the house long after his passing..his spirit would be there. And she didn't mean as ghost spirit..but the essence of him. As I sat on the floor glued to the TV tears made familiar trails down my cheeks. My kids both watching silently with me..and neither of them asked why I was crying. I suppose they felt the same pain the family was feeling..of the kids who just lost their dad. I sat and watched and thought...what incredible beings we humans are. Each one of us so different and special. Some of us give all we have to give..and others take all they can take. Some of us are kind and generous. Others are selfish and greedy.Some of love to the point of being taken for granted. Others never really learn to love at all. Some of trust to the point of being made a fool. Others lie because it's easier than telling the truth.Yet we all possess a spirit.. the spirit of a human is an incredible thing. It can be lifted, renewed, revived, lifted or broken, crushed and killed. I would know for I have experienced them all. But somehow I always bounce back..what does that say of my spirit?

Ryan's Story

I wanted to tell you a story about a young wounded soldier who came to the terminal one night to greet his battle buddies who were returning home. His story was first written by a Red Cross volunteer named Carol. She is also the founder of the Adopt A Soldier program. She writes a column for the newspaper here. You can find her article here:
http://savannahnow.com/node/638823 But even though Carol told the story, I too wanted to tell it. Because I was so inspired by what I personally witnessed and it's something I will never forget. So here is Ryan's story in my words:
I was coming from the storeroom when I saw a young soldier in a wheel chair sitting by the USO table. He was being pushed by another soldier and there was a woman with him. I walked over to my table. The Colonel saw me and called me over and introduced me. The guys name was SGT Ryan Shurtleff and the woman with him was his mom. He was here from Tampa to see his friends return home. I shook his hand and in doing so placed an angel penny in his palm. he opened his hand, looked at it and said, "thank you mam. I can use an angel right now." I told him considering he was here I'd say he had one somewhere. People began gathering around him. Mostly officers who had been in Iraq when he was injured. He was answering questions..yes sir..about a week sir.....until I saw a corporal and a specialist walk over to him. he looked up and in a single movement was out of his chair and standing up straight. He clutched his 2 buddies in a group hug. Each one had a hand on the back of the head of the other. We all just stood and watched..then he lost his balance and sat back down in his wheelchair. Only then did I realize that he wasn't supposed to stand up. His feet couldn't take the weight of his body. His accident happened less than 3 months prior. every bone in his body had been broken. He wasn't supposed to live...yet here he was..standing in front of me...and he stood for his buddies. I was in awe. the more I heard of his condition the more I admired this brave young man.
When the time came for the plane to land i saw him being pushed with his mom out to the stairs. It was dark so it was hard to see anything really going on. I could see him and see men bending over hugging him. When all of his unit had gotten off the plane I saw the Colonel pushing him our way...the Colonel wanted him to go thru our line so he could get a welcome home. I saw him coming. He was being pushed thru the American flags that line each side of the welcome home line. His face beamed with pride as USO and Red Cross volunteers were stopping him, thanking him and shaking his hand. All but me..I stood there with tears running down my cheeks ...applauding him..unable to say a thing. Then it dawned on me..his accident was September 25th..Christmas was three months to the day later. The day he was going to walk again. Not everyone gets their wish granted on Christmas..but I sure hope he did.
I have had the chance to witness many things that just leave me speechless. Acts of kindness, courage, selflessness to name a few. I try to write about them so i can share with everyone who takes the time to read what I have to say. I am not a writer and don't claim to be. I'm the person behind you in the line at Walmart. I'm the person in the car next to you at the red light. There is nothing about me that would make you give me a second glance. I just happen to be fortunate enough to be a USO volunteer. And my fellow volunteers I work with are some of the best people you could ever know. Together, along with the Red Cross we are blessed to be able to support the heroes of this country, the troops.

said 5 months ago Edit · Delete · Permalink · 1 Comments

Yesterday I Laid A Wreath

Yesterday was Wreaths Across America. I attended the ceremony at Fort Stewart and it was called Wreaths For Warriors Walk. It was a chilly day, but the sky was as beautiful a blue as it could be. This year I laid my wreath on the tree of David Kirkpatrick. A young man I never met, but I sent off to Iraq. a young man whose family I have become quite fond of. They live in Indiana, so in their absence I chose his tree. I also took some Christmas ornaments to hang in his tree. I got my wreath from a table covered in green wreaths with red ribbons..all waiting to be placed on their trees. I walked to his tree and was surprised to see the teddy bear I placed there in July still there and in good shape. I placed his wreath at the trunk of his tree and fluffed the red bow. I placed his bear in the middle of the wreath. I then placed the faded family photo next to the bear. I thought of the family who has been left with a hole..an empty place that will never be filled. I swallowed the tears and let out a deep breath. I was surprised when i turned to see a tall young man in Class A's and a CAV hat standing behind me watching me..his wife by his side. I turned back to the tree and hung his stocking. Feeling a little unnerved by them standing behind me I turned and asked if he knew David? He stepped forward and said," Yes mam..he was my room mate." I asked him if he'd like to help me hang the ornaments on the tree? " I would love to help you mam." he said. So together he and i decorated the tree. He talked about David and all the good times they had together. He said he missed him terribly. I had a silver star in the bag of ornaments..and I told him it seemed only fitting that he put the star on the tree. His eyes welled up with tears and he said thank you. He chose a branch high up in the tree for the star and tied it.We stood back and admired our work and talked for a bit longer. I asked if he had ever met David's family? He said no because he was deployed and with those words his voice broke and tears filled his eyes once more. He said it should have been him that night instead of David. He said he blamed himself. I hugged him and told him no...I put my hand on his shoulder and looked up at him..looked him in the eyes and shook my head no. I told him things happen that we can't control. It was not his fault and for him not to blame himself..as i spoke to him tears fell down my own cheeks. My heart broke for this young man..this proud young soldier standing before me so filled with remorse. I had no comfort to offer him. No words i could say could help his pain. I could only try to reassure him that it wasn't his fault..and when my words fell silent we turned our attention back to the tree of his friend. It was then that we noticed..OUR tree was the ONLY one blooming. The tiny pink flowers in all their glory..right there for this special day..on this special tree..of a special young man whose life was taken too soon.

He Brought It Back...

I spent much of November sending off the Texas National Guard. The fact that Thanksgiving was only a few weeks away didn't escape me. I couldn't help but think of them and their families on Thanksgiving. the empty chairs they would have at the dinner tables on that day and every day until the deployment is over. I got to spend a lot of time with several of the deploying national guardsmen. I made several good friends..so my heart has been a bit heavier this year than usual. But my life as a volunteer is an emotional roller coaster..I go from sending soldiers off and them miss Thanksgiving to bringing them home just in time for Christmas. I worked my first redeployment (homecoming) for this particular brigade last night. Most people who read my blog know about my angel pennies. I have worked hundreds of flights now and have easily given away hundreds of pennies. So I don't remember where all the pennies go..some yes..all NO. Last night on the tarmac I had a group of over 300 soldiers come home. As I was driving to the flight I noticed the gate to get on post was decorated with wreaths, garland and lights. As I passed thru I remembered thinking how awesome it was that the first Christmas lights these soldiers would see would be the ones where they are exiting the post. It seemed fitting in some way..like a greeting to them..a welcome home. So with that on my mind I went to the terminal to wait for the plane. And right on time the unmistakeble roar of the engines could be heard. I haven't had a plane come home yet that didn't give me butterflies. There is NO sight like seeing a soldier touch US soil again for the first time. Words cant describe the sense of pride you feel. For a group of over 300 this group was pretty quiet and laid back. and as they made their way inside they weren't rushed. Almost everyone of them made eye contact with me as he shook my hand..and every one said "thank you". It's truly moving when one wants to hug you..and you say "welcome home" and they quietly say.."thank you mam" as their head is against yours. We never go inside the terminal until the very last soldier is in. Each one gets welcomed home. The terminal is a huge open room...So I'm walking across this huge open room filled with soldiers and one soldier is making a bee line right for me. I don't realize it's ME he's coming to until he holds his arm and points to me. I stop..kinda stunned wondering what i had done wrong this time! lol...he gets close to me and says" 14 months ago as i was about to walk out to the plane, you gave me something. You told me to hang on to it and bring it back to you when I came home. I have had it with me every day of those 14 months. To be honest mam..I don't really want to give it back unless you really want it." I was grinning..and I knew what it was he had..but I asked anyway..he said," Mam it's a penny..and it has an angel cut out of it. And like I said you can have it back if you want it..because I gave you my word and all..I was worried the whole time I was over there because I couldn't remember what you looked like. and i was afraid I wouldn't know you..but as soon as i spotted you outside i remembered your smile..and I said to myself..THATS HER!!..so here I am mam." By this time I'm near tears..I hug him..and as i hug him I tell him, " No..you keep the angel..she's yours. I didn't want YOU to bring HER back...I wanted HER to bring YOU back...welcome home."

said 6 months ago Edit · Delete · Permalink · 3 Comments

Thankful

I'm thankful for times like this..watching Charlie Brown with my son and my soldiers.

Entry for November 11, 2008

Today is Veterans Day. A day set aside to take the time to honor the patriotism, courage and sacrifice of our armed forces. For all those past and present who dedicate their lives defending the freedoms of our country. I'm not sure exactly how to express my gratitude to these selfless men and women. Monthly for the last 23 months I have sent off and brought home plane after plane of soldiers returning from overseas. Yet I still don't know how to properly say thank you. When a plane deploys the soldiers walk in single file line thru a line of cheering USO and Red Cross volunteers. At the end of the line are two American flags. I recently saw a soldier walk past the flag turn around come back and kiss the flag. This happened to be the same soldier who had earlier in the day told me he didn't mind going overseas. He said if he went, it meant another soldier got to come home. How can I properly thank him? I'm lucky enough to also volunteer with veterans. They range from veterans of World War 2, The Korean War, Vietnam and the Gulf War. One day I was standing next to my friend Jack who is a Vietnam vet. He told me that he volunteers because he wants to make sure each soldier gets a proper welcome home. Because he didn't when he came home. After a few minutes of silence I softly said.."hey Jack..welcome home. I know it's late in coming, but welcome home." He looked down at the ground and said,"better late than not at all...thank you." How do I properly thank him? How do I properly thank the guys I can see waving to me as their plane taxis away? Or the guy I saw get to the top of plane stairs only to turn to around and blow us all a kiss? Or the guy who was shaking so bad he couldn't put his angel penny on his dog tags? Or the guys who thank me for volunteering? Or the young girl I saw heading to the plane with a teddy bear sticking out the top of her back pack? Or the guy who is walking to the plane and looks back one more time? Or the line after line after line of soldiers I see heading off to war? Or the ones who come and sleep on my living room floor? Or the ones who play with my kids? Or the elderly man who served with pride? Or the man who struggled to get out his wheelchair to put a dollar in my donation bucket? Or the man leaning on his cane I stood next to last year in NYC who saluted the flag as it went by? How do I properly say thank you to any of them? I don't think I can..but until I find a proper way..I will just say thank you. Your sacrifice and service does not go unnoticed.

It Makes You Wonder

I took this picture a few nights ago and tonight I watched a sunset almost as beautiful. I'm always amazed by sunsets. I guess because it's the only one you will get for that day. You will never have another for that day..that's it..one shot. Kinda like life..you get one chance to live. As I sat and watched the sun go down beyond the trees and the colors deepen it was hard to imagine that anything bad or negative could be going on in this world we live in.
So as I sat watching the sunset..I found myself deep in thought. I wondered how many people would not live to see another sunset. How many people would lose someone they loved before the next sunset. How many people had tears flowing down their cheeks just like I did. How many people sat hurting. How many people felt taken for granted. How many people tried so hard to give their life meaning. How many people knew they didn't matter. How many people tried so hard to make someone love them..only to realize that they couldn't. How many wondered if they disappeared would anyone even notice. How many people felt that no matter what they did they would never be accepted. How many people went to sleep hoping they wouldn't wake up. How many people did things that weren't appreciated. How many people smiled on the outside yet wept on the inside. How many people just wanted to love with all their heart and be loved in return. How many people were even taking the time to notice the sunset at all....once again..I'm alone.

September 12th, 2008

I spent all day yesterday watching TV and remembering 9/11 all over again. This is my first 9/11 since visiting Ground Zero last November. It's hard to believe I walked those same streets. The same streets that so many of my fellow Americans died on..cried on..bled on..ran for their lives on..stood in disbelief and horror of what they were witnessing. To say I have actually been there and walked on hallowed ground.it seems unreal to me. Maybe because 9/11 is the day that forever changed my life. I know it changed almost everyone's life in some way, but it had a profound effect on me. Having lived in a military town all of my life I had taken it all for granted...well all that came to an end. I got to see up close and personal the sacrifices that were being made by the men and women in uniform I had shared my community with. I knew it was time for me to give back. It was my turn to do something for them. I began sending letters and care packages over seas, then joined USO..and here I am..still going strong. The irony of all of it is yesterday was 9/11..the day that started it all for me. The day that caused the War on Terror to begin..and tonight 9/12, I sent off a plane of soldiers to go fight that war. Most of them only 18-19 years old. Most of them going for the first time..most of them quiet..some of them scared...none of them happy to be leaving their families. So in groups of 20 they walk in single file lines to the waiting plane. It was a beautiful night on the tarmac..a full moon with a few white clouds..a nice breeze. I watch as each goes up the stairs. A lot of them have tiny American flags stuck in their helmets. I can see the outlines of the flags against the full moon behind them. An incredible sight to see. And inside I'm dying..I have done over 400 flights..and I will never get used to seeing that line of soldiers leaving. The brave faces they try to put forth..and the ones that just can't take it and tears fall down their cheeks as they go by. I stand and wonder..yesterday was 9/11..and today they're going off to war..do they put the two things together? The whole reason they're going is because of yesterday..because of what yesterday meant. Then I wonder how many people put those two things together? Way too many people have forgotten 9/11..they moved on with life and put it behind them...yet here I am all these years later still sending young people off to fight the same war. The exact same war everyone supported 7 years ago. How do people forget? How can you forget?
So the plane is loaded and ready to go..I stand off from the crowd like I always do..I stand alone in the light so I can be seen. And I wave. I don't want them to think they have been abandoned. My eyes filled with tears when I saw a single window shade go down..then up..then down..then up..then I realized it was one of them letting me know they could see me. Then I saw other hands waving back and forth..they could see me and were waving back. I had to choke back sobs..they were actually waving back..not one or two..but several! It was at that moment that I knew I was where I was supposed to be. Call it fate, destiny, or just dumb blind luck..whatever it was..I was meant to be on that tarmac tonight..9/12 2008. God please be with them and bring them home. I will never forget..the troops are counting on me to remember.

Sirius

On this day seven years ago the world was changed forever. The victims of September 11 should never be forgotten. I'm taking this day to remember a victim who had four legs instead of two. A victim who I feel is forgotten because he wasn't a human. He was a Port Authority Police Canine. A four and a half year 90 pound yellow lab named Sirius. And the only canine officer killed in the collapse of the World Trade Center.

On the morning of September 11, 2001 when the first plane hit Sirius was put in his kennel in the basement of tower 2 by his partner Officer David Lim. David told him, "Wait here boy, I'll be back for you." But sadly he never made it back for his partner. David Lim was trapped in a stairwell when the first tower collapsed. While trapped he kept repeating, "Oh no, my dog. I have to save my dog." But Officer Lim along with several others weren't rescued from the rubble for many hours. In the meantime the second tower had collapsed, taking the life of his faithful partner as he sat waiting in his kennel.

On January 22, 2002 Officer Lim received a phone call from Ground Zero, his partner had been found. He returned to the site where his partner had been placed on a gurney and covered with an American flag. As he carried his friend's remains from the rubble all the work on the site stopped. The big machines silenced and salutes were given as Officer Lim made good on his word. He came back for his partner.

On April 24, 2002 a memorial service for Sirius was held in Liberty State Park. Over 100 police and search and rescue dogs attended the memorial. Many of their badges covered by a black ribbon. A trumpeter sounded Taps and bagpipes played Amazing Grace. A single pallbearer carried Sirius' ashes in a wooden urn. Handlers and dogs from as far away as California paid tribute to a fallen officer. Officer Lim was presented with Sirius' water bowl which was recovered from his kennel. It had been inscribed with the words "I gave my life, so that you may save others." In his words to the crowd in attendence Officer Lim said,"I grieve for many friends that I lost that day. I grieve for all those that I didn't know. I also grieve for the best partner I ever had. "

May the dog star shine forever bright in the night sky..you will never be forgotten Sirius.

said 9 months ago Edit · Delete · Permalink · 0 Comments

Remembering.....

It takes only a picture to bring back all the memories and pain of September 11th. One single image can trigger thousands and thousands of thoughts.

Nose Prints On a Glass Front Door

One month ago today I lost my best friend Pepsi. I'm still not quite "right". I know that time is supposed to heal all wounds, but I think the person who made that up never suffered pet loss. I'm not saying that losing a person is any less painful. It's just a different kind of pain for me. The guilt is overwhelming at times. I have relived that moment when I opened the garage door and found her lying lifeless on the cold concrete more times than I can count. I see her everywhere I go. I expect to see her coming across the yard to follow me like she always did. Out of the corner of my eye I can see her sitting on the couch. I catch myself going to feed her. But the hardest thing has to be the nose prints on the glass front door. She didn't like being by herself so when you put her outside she didn't like it. She would sit at the door and look in at us. If we tried to ignore her she would scratch the door. and continue scratching it until you opened it and let her in! All the while she's smearing and smudging the glass with her nose. Leaving her mark. It would take me forever to clean that door. But now I can't find the heart to clean it. So the prints remain. The prints are all i have left of her and I know once they're gone..she will be too. i have many times sat and traced the smudges with my fingertips..remembering the face that put them there. How she would fog up the glass with her hot dog breath. So now my door is streaked both outside and in. The outside with her nose prints and the inside with my tears.

Once In A While...If You're Lucky

Once in a while...if you're lucky..you make friends who help you be the person you want to be. They inspire, encourage and give you confidence. When you need advice or someone to listen, they're there. You know you can always count on them when you're down or in a bind. I am very lucky because I have quite a few people like that in my life. But I feel especially blessed for my friend CJ. Since I began blogging he has been my strength and the reason many people found my blog in the first place. He has a site: http://www.soldiersperspective.us/ and he refers people over to read my stories. In addition to that he supported me with the Microsoft Award happenings. IE my sounding board for my speech and asking his readers to go vote. One thing I most admire him for is his site www.theyhavenames.com/ which he started to make sure that fallen soldiers weren't just blips on the news..just faceless numbers in the paper. To make sure that everyone knows that each fallen has a family, has a face, a story..but most of all a name. He has a huge heart and I know writing these stories has to take a toll on him after a while. But he continues writing to make sure the fallen aren't forgotten.
He was in Savannah last week and I got to see him. It wasn't for long, but I was grateful for the little time we did have. I don't know when I'll see him again..and I can live with that . Because even though I don't see him in person..I know he's there when I need him . And that is a bond that no distance will break. I will accept only seeing him once in while..because I AM lucky. I hope my words are able to convey the heartfelt gratitude and admiration I have for him. The world would be a much better place if there were more people like him. Those of us who call him a friend truly have a treasure. Thank you CJ..thanks for just being you.

No distance of place or lapse of time can lessen the friendship of those
who are throughout persuaded of each other's worth....Robert Southey.

said 9 months ago Edit · Delete · Permalink · 1 Comments

Saying Goodbye To A Dear Friend

On a regular weekday back in 1991 my husband Bill went to our animal control shelter. He went to help transport some dogs being rescued by a local animal welfare group. I have never been able to understand how one dog can be picked over another dog..one chosen to live while another is left to die. I couldn't do it. But thankfully some are saved. On this day they were looking and pulling dogs from the fate of the death row gas chamber. Bill sees a small little dog, a black and white mixed breed. The other people just walk past her. Bill walks over and she sticks her black nose thru the cyclone fence and looks up at him with her deep brown eyes. "How about this one? She looks cute." he says to the head lady. She looks at him with distaste and says,"No, that dog isn't what we consider adoptable." Bill looks back at the pleading brown eyes and says he'd like to save her. That we would adopt her. And so we did. Pepsi became part of our menagerie. Determined to not let the big dogs mistake her small size as a weakness, she quickly picked a fight and won with each of our big dogs. And so it began..our life with a pit bull trapped in a beagle sized body. When we had children she stood guard next to the bassinet. She cleaned the floor of all crumbs and made sure no food went to waste. She had a great love of plastic bags. She would role on them, sleep on them and eventually get tangled in them. It was so bad that I had to make sure no bags were left on the floor in my bedroom when I went to bed. If she found one she would wake even the deepest sleeper! My daughter on more than one occasion had to call me to get her backpacks and purses away from the dog. it wasn't unusual to see her dragging them thru the house around her neck. She had a fondness for sleeping on clothes too. My soldier Jason couldn't lay his stuff anywhere in the house that she didn't find it and make a bed out of it. And Heaven forbid you wear black and come to my house! You were certainly leaving with Pepsi hairs on you! She followed me every step I made every day. If I went to the bathroom and didn't completely close the door, she had no problem at all pushing the door open and sitting in the doorway. I wasn't allowed out of her sight. And nobody came to our house that she didn't meet. If they made the mistake of sitting in "her chair" she would stand and stare at them until they moved. She had the most personality of any dog i ever had. Then she got old. First came the white glasses as we called them. She had white rings around her eyes. She moved slower, slept more and couldn't hear. I had to make hand motions like an air traffic controller to tell her what i wanted her to do. My family made fun of me..but it worked. Then she started coughing and I recognized the cough. Fluid on the heart..which meant Lasix..which meant a LOT more trips to the bathroom if she made it that far. ( the living room carpet took a beating) I had to make the decision to make her sleep in the garage on a bed. A decision I did not want to make and regretted. She had always slept with me. In the last week or so she started panting..constant panting and pacing. The vet said it could be anytime. her heart was enlarged and she had fluid built up. Bill and my son went to Orlando one more time before school started. I just couldn't leave her. I wasn't trusting her care to anyone. so my daughter and I stayed home. On Sunday I went to get her from the garage. She came in and was walking to the front door and she fell over. I froze and just looked at her..then went over and was petting her. She got up and was ok for the rest of the day. But I was worried. I was going to bed that night about 11. She was laying sleeping in the living room. I sat looking at her and wondered if i should just let her stay in the house. She couldn't hurt the carpet after all it's ruined and something just didn't feel right. I got a shower and decided to put her in the garage anyway. I found her sitting next to my daughter and i picked her up and carried her to the garage. I put her on her rug and turned on her fan. As I went to leave i heard her get up to follow me. I didn't look back but hurried on out and closed the door. i always felt guilty leaving her in the garage so I could never look back at her. I just didn't know that it would be my last chance to ever see her alive again. She passed away during the night...She was getting up to follow me for the last time. And I turned my back on her and left her to die alone in that garage...and for what? So I wouldn't have to clean the carpet? It's ruined anyway!! Now I have to try to live with the guilt of leaving behind the best friend I ever had. Leaving her to die on a concrete floor alone..how can I ever heal from that?

said 10 months ago Edit · Delete · Permalink · 2 Comments

A Great Loss

On July 25th my father in law passed away at 74 years old. He suffered long and hard for over a year. But now he is at peace. He was so many things to so many people. Proof of that could be clearly seen at the line of people (which went well out the door) paying their respects at the funeral home. Knowing him was like reading a book. At the age of 15 his sister "doctored" his birth certificate so he could join the Marine Corps Reserve. Which he did and not long after that he found himself in Korea. He was wounded twice and survived the battle of the Chosin Reservoir which earned him the name of the "Chosin Few". He was very proud of his military service, as he should have been. The saying "Once a Marine always a Marine" never rang so true as with him. He has a room filled with military memorabilia. When I took my soldiers over for Christmas one year he took them in there. He shared stories with them about his time in hell. They appreciated his wisdom and service.

After serving in the reserves, he came home to be the closest thing I've ever known to Forrest Gump! He bought him a shrimp boat and became a shrimp boat captain. He didn't have a friend named Bubba, his first mates name was Pork Chop. There wasn't much he didn't know about the river, the ocean and seafood.

Fast forward to today..we laid him to rest today. He had full military honors..21 gun salute, TAPS and bagpipe playing the Marine Corps Hymn . My husband has been very strong thru all of this..up until they were lowering his casket. Everyone else had left, except me my husband and my daughter. From a distance we watched them take the site down. First the chairs, then the tent..one thing after another. As they were getting things ready and putting the lid on the vault which held his remains..I heard the unmistakable cry of a red tailed hawk. He was an avid bird watcher and loved hawks. So I hear the cry and look over our heads and there's the majestic bird he spent so many hours watching. It swooped right over our heads. soaring and plunging with grace. I placed my hand on my husbands shoulder and said," Hey honey..there goes your dad. The hawk came down and has him now..he's soaring up in the sky over us now." He looked at me with tear filled eyes and said,"I hope so." The casket began to go down and as if on cue an Air Force jet flew over,then another..then the third. Just as the casket was out of our sight the third jet came over. My heart caught in my throat as I witnessed the most incredible coincidence of my life...as the casket settled the jet tipped his wings to the right and went straight up into the clear blue sky. None of this was planned and I couldn't believe what I just saw. I looked at my husband and asked," did you see that!!??" He was speechless and just shook his head yes. Then he said thank you. He said he was so lost in thought that he never would have noticed the hawk or the jets. He thanked me for pointing it out to him. I think he found great comfort in these incredible coincidences. I was so glad to be able to do that for him. RIP Sonny..may you always soar on the wings of your hawk

said 10 months ago Edit · Delete · Permalink · 1 Comments

No Words Needed

I took this picture at a homecoming..I don't think I need to explain it. Welcome home!

American Rain

I know for myself this 4th of July was different from years past. I usually have my family over for a cookout and we have fireworks. This year though it didn't happen. I'm not sure why, but it didn't. I remember grumbling because it just "didn't seem like the 4th." It was a little disappointing. Even though I had 3 of my soldiers, my friend John, my kids and my husband with me..it just didn't seem like the 4th.I'm not sure how I managed to do it, but I overlooked what I had been doing July 1st, 2nd and 3rd. It had slipped my mind that over those three days I had brought home several HUNDRED soldiers from Iraq. I had helped reunite all these families, yet it hadn't occurred to me. It wasn't until the night of the 6th that it all hit me. I, along with my other volunteers are standing on the tarmac waiting for a plane to come in. It's about 10 pm and as clear a night as you could ask for. I can see the lights of the plane..here it comes. As if on cue, just as the planes wheels touch the ground off in the distance, miles away, someone is setting off fireworks. But they hadn't been until the plane came. What an awesome coincidence!! A plane with 250 plus soldiers coming home from war and fireworks going off in the background. I was in awe.
As I said it's 10pm so it's quite dark on the tarmac except for these huge lights that shine on the walkway to the plane. We're all standing in the shadows (not purposely) so the soldiers coming off the plane can't see us. We begin to applaud and cheer and they look over. As they look our way I step into the light..followed by my other volunteers. The soldiers faces lit up brighter than the runway lights! They were so thankful we were there. Each one had a big smile as they filed past. Then out of nowhere, not a cloud in the sky, it began to drizzle. Not enough to wet anything, but just enough to let you feel it. A soldier coming towards us stopped. He removed his helmet, tilted his face to the sky, held his arms wide open and as the rain drops fell he yelled," American Rain, American Rain!!! Thank You God..I love the rain!!" We all just stood there and watched this take place. Then he walked to us, gave the first lady a hug, and came to me and shook my hand. I told him welcome home and said ," I'll bet you didn't know, but we had it rain tonight just for you. We knew you were coming home." With an ear to ear grin he said, " Thank you mam, I never knew how much I missed rain......American rain." And he made his way inside the building. I saw him again later as he filed out to get on the bus. He waved his tiny American flag at me and bid me a goodnight.
So after thinking of things..maybe the 4th of July wasn't such a disappointment after all. Maybe I should be thankful for every single thing in my life..whether it's big or small. One thing is for sure..I will always carry two images in my head..the fireworks going off in the sky behind that plane as it landed..and the image of that soldier with his face to the sky enjoying his American Rain.

Honoring Her Son

Last week I was able to attend the homecoming of 294 soldiers from the 2nd Brigade Combat Team (2BCT) at Fort Stewart. The sun was shining ( it was hot!), the birds were singing and smiling faces were all around. Families had homemade signs, flowers and balloons all saying WELCOME HOME! It's an awesome thing to be there when soldiers come home from combat. The happiness and sheer joy can be felt in the air. So much so that you're almost able to forget where you are..you're almost able to ignore your surroundings, you're almost able to not notice the trees. But all you have to do is look left or look right..and there they are. They align the sides of Cotrell field with their majesty. Each one a testament to a fallen soldier..each one a living memorial. And they force you to remember those who didn't make it back. This day was no different. The welcome home ceremony was over. Family pictures were being made. People were milling about and leaving. Then I saw her..one lone mother with a bouquet of red, white and blue balloons blowing behind her in the breeze as she made her journey down that concrete path..making her way to her son..her sons' tree that is. This was her son's unit..they had come home. The other families got their soldiers back, she has a tree. The sadness of seeing her alone..walking down that long walk of trees.. made me silently praise her courage and strength. She made the trip to see the friends and comrades of her son come home. This had to be a painful day for her, yet there she was. And soon she wasn't alone, two soldiers had left their families and walked over to her and hugged her. As they stood looking at the tree one of them got weak in the knees and just sat straight down on the ground. The other knelt down and touched the granite marker engraved with the name of his friend. The mother stood between them, a hand resting on the back of each. Before long the Boy Scouts circled them and they all said a prayer. Then the Scouts left, the soldiers hugged the mom, walked back to their families and the mom was alone again. Just her and of course the tree.

My Perspective

I'm sitting here filled with so much emotion..a raw aching feeling in my heart. I know I should write something..I NEED and HAVE to write something. Yet I have no idea where to begin. I'm angry, I'm sad but most of all I'm reflecting. Reflecting over the last 15 months of my life. I can't watch TV anymore, because it makes me furious. I have yet to see a single commercial or program which deals with the meaning of Memorial Day. I see sales, cookouts, vacations..but no remembrance. Maybe if more people have spent the last months of their lives in the same way I have they'd get it. I was standing on the tarmac today next to the Adopt A Soldier lady here. We were standing in the rain bringing home a plane from Afghanistan. When the rain got too hard we moved under the over hang. We stood clapping as the soldiers made their way off the plane. The rain was really coming down..their first steps on American soil and it's pouring. But funny..they didn't seem to mind. I could hear someone yelling at them to do something with their weapons. In front of me stood 128 US soldiers..in the rain..fidgeting with the their weapons. I remarked to her that it doesn't seem real to be bringing home soldiers. She agreed. And then it hit me..since January of 2007, not a single month has gone by that I haven't sent off a plane. Every month..15 months..soldiers going out. thousands and thousands of faces and names. Hundreds of stories and memories. Each one burnt into my mind. haunted by ones who didn't come home. Thankful for each one who did or will. Plane after plane after plane. Waving to each one and praying for those on board..wondering if it will ever end..never ever getting used to seeing that line of backpacks walking to the stairs. Remembering every thank you mam..every word..every postcard or letter that gets placed in my hand. Every family that I feel I helped rip apart..Every hand I touch..every scared glance I return with a smile..every reassuring word I've given..every tear I've shed..every flag I've held..I too have had a 15 month deployment. I just never left home.
So I ask of you..please..while doing your sale shopping..your BBQ's..your vacations...please take a moment and reflect and realize the meaning of this holiday. and say a prayer of thanks to all the families who will have that empty seat at their picnic table..that wedding that will never happen..that birthday that still comes but no reason to celebrate...please be grateful for the brave souls who sacrificed so much on our behalf.

In Memory and In Honor

Our calendar is comprised of 12 months and 365 days. Each day has a special meaning to someone. Each one an annivesary of something. Weddings, birthdays and certain milestones are all things we celebrate. We look forward to them coming each year. However there are other events which occur that we don't celebrate. We simply remember. We choose to remember because the event shouldn't be forgotten. September 11, 2001 is one example. April 27, 2007 is another. April 27, 2007 is just another day on the calendar to many people. But it is a day of great pain to others. It's a day that a life was saved and two were lost on a lonely road in Iraq. On a dusty, dirty road two young honorable men died while serving their country. In an instant their worlds ended so very far from home. Two lives, one 20 and one 21 cut short before they truly began.

Now on the one year anniversary I remember them along with the families and friends they left behind. The memories of that day will never fade. With each year that passes the reminder of this tragedy will be on the calendar. Even though you'd like to forget , the day still comes. It's still there time after time and year after year. And you're forced to remember, to go back and reflect.

The horrors of that day continue to haunt those who were there. I've seen the effects of what they witnessed there. I've seen the pain and agony in their eyes. I have seen grown men shed tears as they relive it. Their bottom lips trembling as they try to make it thru one sentence. The anger, the pain, the heartache, the helplessness, the sadness and worst of all..the guilt. The guilt over surviving, the guilt over not being there and the guilt over not being able to do more. And the haunting question of why..why did this happen? A question for which there is no answer. A question which no comfort can be given. No resolution can be found. The worst question there is...why?

I have always been told that time brings healing. I believe that to be true to a point. I don't think you ever truly heal from some things. Time soothes the wound and makes it easier to get thru the day. But you never truly heal, because you never forget. There's always a reminder..and that same haunting question......why......?

Do not stand at my grave and weep,

I am not there, I do not sleep.

I am in a thousand winds that blow,

I am the softly falling snow.

I am the gentle showers of rain,

I am the fields of ripening grain.

I am in the morning hush,

I am in the graceful rush

Of beautiful birds in circling flight,

I am the starshine of the night.

I am in the flowers that bloom,

I am in a quiet room.

I am in the birds that sing,

I am in each lovely thing.

Do not stand at my grave and cry,

I am not there. I did not die.

RIP PFC David Kirkpatrick and SPC Eddie Tamez

It Matters

When I was little I remember every time I left my grandmas house the last thing I saw was her waving. She stood in the doorway of the back door and waved, then went inside to her kitchen window and waved as we drove away. The last thing I always saw was her waving. I don't know if it's a southern thing or what, but I have carried on the tradition. I wave to my family until they're around the corner and out of sight and since being a USO volunteer..I wave to airplanes. I felt silly at first waving to a gigantic aircraft. But I knew the plane had windows and people were looking out. People who weren't going on a vacation. They were soldiers who were leaving their families behind and going into a foreign country. If anyone deserved to be waved to, it was the ones on that plane. So it began..the waving. With each flight I do my best to stay on the tarmac to see the plane off. And of course wave. I encourage anyone standing next to me to wave also. I tell them "not a sissy parade beauty queen wave..wave as if you're on a deserted island!" I have always wondered really if the soldiers on the planes noticed us out there. I knew some did..but I just always wondered still what it was like on the plane when they saw us. I had my question answered by one of the Indiana National Guardsman in an email to me. He had been outside with us on many deploying flights and I'm sure I wondered aloud about the waving. Well, he remembered. He said, "Oh by the way, we can see you waving. The whole plane got quiet and we all just watched you wave. I looked at the faces and wondered about all the things going thru their minds. Some of them even tried to wave back." When I read that email I cried. I cried so hard it surprised me. It was like years of questions and wondering had been answered. A sense of relief came over me because I KNEW something as simple as a wave mattered. It made a difference to those who needed it to. The thought of a deploying soldier looking out the plane window and seeing no one standing there has always been a thought I couldn't bear. The thought of them feeling abandoned was heartbreaking. I will do my very best to make sure that never happens on my watch. I will continue to wave.
It's always the simple things we overlook so often. We take them for granted. My grandma passed away about 5 years ago. I'd give anything to see her wave just once more.

Warriors Walk in Bloom

I was at Fort Stewart yesterday. I don't get a chance to go there often but when i do I always go to Warriors Walk. Yesterday I was there at sunset and it was beautiful. The sunset was brilliant and best of all the trees were in bloom. To go there always means reflection. A time to look back, think and remember. It's a place to restore hope.
I heard the news yesterday... 4,000 deaths in Iraq. 4,000 is a number. Behind that number lies 4,000 faces, 4,000 names, 4,000 lives 4,000 grieving families. Countless memories and tears .

Angel Penny and the Salute

I am currently in the midst of sending off the Indiana National Guard. This has been an amazing group of people to meet. They have been so gracious and friendly. I wish I could have met them all under different circumstances..a happier occasion than having to deploy them to Iraq. I was at one of the deployments the other night. I was standing at my postcard/letter writing table. I saw a young female approaching the table from my left. She had two cards in her hand. She stopped to place her cards in the mailbox we have for them. But before putting them in out of the corner of my eye I saw her close her eyes and kiss each one. Then I saw her put them up to her forehead as if she was filling them with her thoughts. As tears ran down her cheeks she ever so gently put the cards into the mailbox. Even though she was less than three feet from me I didn't want to invade on such a personal and private moment. She turned and went back over to her spot on the carpet. A while later I was going into our storeroom and she crossed right in front of me. I could she was still crying. I touched her arm and reached into my pocket and got something so tiny, yet so powerful..I got an angel penny, turned her hand over and placed it in her palm. I held onto her hand and looked in her eyes and told her not to worry..everything would be fine. With her bottom lip trembling she thanked me and I let her go. The time came for them to line up and she just happened to find herself in front of me again. She looked over and smiled. She held the penny up between two fingers and said," I still have it right here mam. I'll take good care of it." I knew in my heart that tiny penny meant something to her. She found comfort in a time and place that little comfort was available. I was glad I was there. The time came for them to board the plane. I'm standing inside the hallway looking into the room. One of the soldiers who had been training this group was standing next to me. I told him about seeing her cry and he asked me if I talked to her? I told him I did, but I didn't mention the penny. Then I saw her sitting up in the bleachers. She came down to find her place in the line. Her group started leaving and she came thru the doors and saw me standing there clapping for them as I always do. To my surprise to stopped in front of me, came to attention and saluted me. It took all I had to keep my composure. Then off she went to serve her country. The soldier next to me asked me if that was her? I shook my head that yes, it was. His next words I will never forget..he said, "Well, after seeing that..I'd say you helped her alright. I'd say you made a big difference to that young lady." I just stood quietly with my hand in my pocket rubbing an angel penny. Something so tiny yet so powerful.

The Hardest Night

Last night I sent off a plane to Iraq. Out of the 4 years and hundreds of planes I've sent off, I think last night was the hardest yet. Driving to the airfield I saw the deploying soldiers with their families. I'm always grateful that I don't have to see this happening. But last night, there they were. I drove on with a sense of sadness. This is the hardest part of what I do. I sometimes feel I help in tearing families apart. Even though I know I don't, it can be very depressing. So I make it to the airfield and set up all of our tables and wait for the soldiers to get there. When they come in the building we're there to greet them as them come in a single file line. I notice one guy passes me with his arm bandaged. Hmmm..ouch. Once inside they eat chow and then come thru our line for the care bags we give them. With close to 200 soldiers in the room it's hard to spend a great deal of time talking to each one. So I'm handing out the bags and this one soldier was asking me about the CD in his bag. He's looking at it..and he starts sniffling. I thought he was pretending to cry. so jokingly I said,"what in the world are you crying about?" My heart almost stopped when he looked up..his eyes were brimmed with tears..he said," I miss my daughter..I didn't get to say goodbye." I told him it was ok..that he wasn't saying goodbye anyway..it was just see you later. he went on to tell me she would be five before he made it back home. It was his first child and that she was his life. I kept trying to console him. I slipped an angel penny into his hand as another soldier came up behind him. He moved on down the table away from me. I helped the next soldier, but kept my eye on the other. I finally lost sight of him in the sea of ACUs. A little while later I was talking to my other volunteer telling her about him. She said I should try to find him if it was bothering me so much. I looked and looked and never found him. A soldier overheard me talking to her..and he spoke up and said he knew who it was and he'd make him come back over to me. About 10 minutes later he came back and said he heard I was looking for him. I told him yes I was..that my aunt wanted to talk to him. So he went over and I saw her writing down his info. I went into the storeroom to get more supplies and as I was coming out he was coming toward me. I smiled at him and before I knew what happened he was hugging me and sobbing. Right in the middle of the busy room. His face was just buried in my neck and the sobs racked his body. I hugged him back and told him everything was going to be fine..please don't worry..it will be fine..I promise. I tried so hard to help him..I didn't know what to do. People were staring at us but I didn't care. At that point he and I were the only people in the room. I kept saying it will be ok ..and he kept saying yes mam..I finally had to let him go and with great reluctance he let me go. He looked down at me with the saddest eyes I've ever seen..he whispered..I'm sorry mam..I put my hand on his cheek and told him he nothing to be sorry for..he said thank you..and turned and walked away. By this time I too am crying..I'm trying so hard not to..but the tears are leaking out anyway. I went to the Adopt a Soldier table and found his card and got his name. About an hour later he was back at my table. He was trying to write a postcard home. But he couldn't write. He was the guy with the bandaged hand. I found out later he had dropped a TV on his hand and the pins were removed 4 weeks early so he could be deployed. Another soldier came up to him and wrote the post card for him. That was the most endearing sight. When they were finished writing he was walking away and I called him back over. I walked over to him and took my support our troops band off my wrist and gave it to him. "bring this back to me ok?" I told him. I told him I got his email and I was going to email him. Looking down at the wristband he said, "mam..what's your name?" I told him my name..and still looking down he said, "I want to thank you mam. I don't think you know how much you have helped me tonight..I really appreciate it." when he finally looked up his eyes were teared up again. I smiled and said..that's what I'm here for..and again he turned and walked away. I watched him go sit on the floor alone and look at the wristband. Then I put him on a plane and sent him away. And with a heavy heart I cried all the way home.

The Making Of A Volunteer

Please meet my friend John. John is best friends with my soldier Jason, which is how we met. He came to visit in October of 2006 and liked it so much here he moved here from Connecticut. Since meeting John that October he has been a constant source of support to me. When my soldiers left he told me that he knew he couldn't fill their shoes but that he'd be there for me if I needed him. It was then that we became fast friends. Because in talking to him, I realized that he, just like me, felt left behind. Apparently at some point he had plans with Jason to join the Army. For whatever reason his plans fell through but Jason continued on. I think in John's eyes he thinks he somehow let Jason down or that he is less of a man for his decision. He couldn't be further off. In talking to him over these months I have found him to be very genuine. He possesses a kindness that is hard to match. And a quiet strength about him that's unfathomable. It was all these qualities that made me decide to bring him into my little bubble of a world. I saw him on the outside looking in. Asking me about USO, deployments and troop support. So when I won the trip to NY, I made sure he got to come along. He rode the train over from Connecticut and met us at the awards. I was so glad to have him there and introduce him to my friends Brian and Michelle. But most of all I wanted him to meet my soldier Will Castillo. I didn't want him to be on the outside anymore. I think I can truly say he had a memorable evening. He moved to Georgia 2 months later. I had asked him if he'd be interested in going to USO and volunteering with me? He said he would. So on a night that he was off work early enough l took him to his first homecoming. The planes are seldom on time so we spend a great deal of time waiting and standing around. As we're standing there a chaplain comes up and shakes my hand and thanks me for being there. Then does the same to John. Even after all this time I still get misty eyed when that happens...then I realize it's the first time John has ever been thanked. I look over at him and he has the biggest smile..I say," It just doesn't get better than that does it?" He shakes his head no. Finally the plane comes in. A huge c5 that breaks thru the rain clouds and leaves us all saying WOW!!!!! It lands and the soldiers start coming off. The look on his face was priceless. He was as happy to be there as I was. And I was so proud to have him there. I was so glad to be able to give him that experience. And to be able to show him that not everyone belongs on those planes. Some of us have to stay behind so we can be there when they come home. If everyone is on the plane then who will be there to cheer and applaud as the troops go by? You don't need to fill anyone else's shoes John. You have your own shoes to wear.
You never know the heart that beats inside of a person until you give them the chance to shine. And there is nothing stronger than the heart of a volunteer. I have a message for John. It's from one of my soldiers in Iraq....he said to tell you...thank you.

My Tiny Friend

Once again I find myself grieving the loss of a friend. Not a human friend, but a four legged friend. Most people will have little sympathy for that kind of loss. But to me, in my world, it is equally as devastating to me as a human loss. I have had my dogs longer than my kids and most of my human friends. Please let me to tell you about my friend, Bink Bink AKA Princess AKA The Binkster...About 14 years ago a couple dropped off this 6 week old Pekingese puppy for boarding at my kennel. They had just purchased her from a local pet store a few days before. And they needed to go out of town for a few days. She was just a tiny white ball of fur with a smooshed in face. She was so little we were afraid to leave her alone in the kennel so we brought her up to the house to take care of her while her "parents" went away. It didn't take long for this little dog to win our heart. She was full of personality and life. Of course being a puppy she was into everything. We even found out she was paper trained when one Sunday morning we're sitting with the paper spread across the living room floor and she came in and did her business right there on the sale papers! The time came when her parents were supposed to pick her up....and the time went by. No parents...no word from them nothing. It was then that we realized we had no contact info on these people. the info they gave was false. It looked like Princess, as they named her was abandoned. Days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months. about 6 months later the people returned for her. By this time we were so attached to her it broke our hearts to have to give her back. But we had no choice..so we wrote up their bill and gave it to them. When they saw the bill they were shocked..I'm not sure what they expected after 6 months of boarding fees. They quickly changed their minds about wanting the dog back stating for that amount of money they could just go buy another. People put so much emphasis on money and what they didn't know was..the little creature they were leaving behind..was priceless. I'm thankful every day that they were so shallow. Because that little dog has given me and my family 14 years of smiles. She was the stinkiest..no matter how many times you washed her..the STINKIEST little dog I have ever owned. But she had the heart and courage of a pit bull. Weighing only 12 pounds at her most butterball finest..she never backed down from the big dogs. And has been known many times to hang onto their bottom jaw with her teeth defending her food. There will never be another, no amount of money will ever buy another like that one. I will miss her so much. As I sit here writing this tribute to my friend, Bink Bink, she's wrapped in a blanket waiting on her "daddy" to come to bury her. I'll see you again one day Bink Bink....RIP.

When A Soldier Cries

I was at the airport this week sitting behind my booth when I noticed a young couple walk by. They were walking very slow and she was holding onto his arm with a death grip. He was in civilian clothes and she was a soldier. They went down to Delta got his ticket and came back and sat with their backs to me across from my booth. About a half an hour later I saw them standing, hugging. Her face was buried against his chest and I could hear her crying. I felt so bad for her, but then I noticed all the people walking by and staring. I mean they were very obvious in doing so too. Almost walking into things because they were looking so hard. It made me so angry. Even though this couple was in the middle of the airport they didn't have to stare like this. I just wanted to yell at them to stop! "Stop staring! Haven't you ever seen people saying goodbye?! How would like it if your pain was made into spectacle?" Then i wondered if this young woman wasn't wearing the uniform would they have reacted the same? Or was the wearing of US Army uniform a reason to be gawked at? How sad such a painful thing was anything but private. I don't know why it bothers me so bad..maybe it's all the faces I see when i send them off. Maybe it's the selfless way they act around me. Maybe it's the sacrifice they make. Maybe it's that they CHOOSE to make that sacrifice. Maybe it's how they are always so grateful for the smallest things. Maybe it's because I think they deserve better than they have. Maybe it's because they are willing to fight and die for a cause that most of us take for granted. Maybe it's all of these things and more combined that it hurts my heart when a soldier cries.

I never get to see what happens to the families on the other side of security. But when I flew to NYC I got to see first hand the goodbyes that take place at the gates. And I never want to see that again. Three different soldiers were going back, two men and one woman. All three had their spouses and children at the gate. Each one hanging on until the very last minute. Children clinging to legs and husbands and wives holding each other. And once again people were staring. When the soldiers made their way thru the gate each one waved and blew kisses. I noticed one man kept waving but his wife was trying to get one of the kids to behave and she didn't see him. He kept waving but still she didn't see. I felt a panic building up in my chest because I hated the thought of him going thru that door and her not seeing him. Or him leaving with that on his mind..she didn't see me. But finally she looked up just as he made it to the door. I felt so relieved. Then all the families went over to big glass window to watch the plane leave. One wife had her hand on the glass...just one single hand. Like she could almost feel her husband on the other side. I was sitting a distance away with mine and my husbands bags but even from where I was I could see the tears making their way down her cheek. And still the people stared. I wondered why none of them went over to her and tried to console her. So what if she's a stranger..her husband just left to go back to war..show some kindness for God's sake! But not a soul went over to her. They just pointed and whispered. Had I not been stuck with a ton of bags I would have gone over to her. She stayed in that exact position until the plane left. Then she straightened up her shoulders wiped her tears and walked away. She was coming towards me and I stepped out and touched her arm. "He will be back, you just be strong and he'll be home soon I promise." With bloodshot eyes she said thank you and hugged me. I was once again reminded of the power of an act of kindness.

Wreaths Across America

There's a sacred place near here. It's a place where warriors are remembered. They are immortalized with an eastern redbud tree. This tree was chosen because it blooms beautiful bright pink flowers in late March to early April. The same time that the war in Iraq began. There are 363 trees on the walk at the moment. Each tree is dedicated to a fallen soldier. A granite marker with rank and name stand in front. Some trees give you a sense of who the soldier was in life. I'm always amazed at the things you find at the base of the trees. Books, toy cars, flags, beer bottles, soda cans, pictures, angels..you name it and there's a chance it's there. Sadly however some soldiers don't have family nearby. Their trees are much more simple. Two American flags, a small bouquet of silk flowers and the marker are all they have. It's a very sad thing to see. On December 15th, 2007 however every tree got a little taste of Christmas when 373 wreaths were laid in conjunction with the Wreaths Across America program.

At 8:30 in the morning me, my husband and 2 kids went down to Ft. Stewart to volunteer and help with the ceremony. We unpacked box after box of fresh green wreaths with bright red bows. Each one belonging to a soldier who had made the ultimate sacrifice. The sky was bright and blue, not a cloud in sight. The ceremony started at 12 noon and the stands were full with family and friends. Then the rain came. The National Anthem was being sung across the parade field. I looked out thru the pouring rain at the 3rd ID sign on the other side of Cottrell Field. I sat listening to COL Buchs talk about the selfless courage of the fallen. Behind me raindrops are tapping on an umbrella. The weather wasn't making the day any easier. The call came for the families to go get a wreath and place it on their warriors' tree. I could see one lone man making his way across the parade field. His umbrella clutched in one hand, the beautiful wreath in the other hand. The public was asked to take a wreath and place it on any tree that didn't have one. My daughter got one and my son got one. My daughter placed it on a tree near the end of the walk. My son placed it on the tree of a young soldier whose family I have grown quite fond of, the Kirkpatricks. I sent their son off to Iraq and met them at his tree ceremony. So it was quite touching to see my son honoring theirs.

With all the wreaths laid we were walking down the path to the car. It was very hard not to notice the families around the trees. Small children holding the hands of tearful mothers. I came to a sight I will never forget..a soldier on one knee. His head bowed with one hand on the granite marker the other covering his face as he wept. I had the urge to go over and try to comfort him. But I dared not invade his grief. So I walked by only to stop a few feet away to look back. He was still there..the raindrops masking his tears.

A Happy Ending

One of the hardest things I have to do is deploy soldiers. The most heartbreaking of things I have to do is deploy soldiers near holidays. This year was no different sadly. I got a phone call on the 19th saying I had a flight of 74 soldiers leaving at 5AM the next morning. I hung up the phone and sighed. I couldn't help but think about the families who were going to have an empty place at the table for Christmas dinner. Or even worse, the soldiers I was about to have to send off to be away from their families during the holidays. My heart was heavy and my spirits were low as I went off at 1:00 AM to do my job. I honestly just didn't want to go this time. I just didn't want to be the one to see them when they left. But I also know that I would rather it be me than no one at all. On this flight no other volunteers came forward to work . It was just me and my aunt. Everyone else had other plans. But to me these flights are a priority and I will do everything I can to be there. So I get to the terminal and get everything set up. I put out extra snacks and had extra phone cards. If they were going to have to miss Christmas stateside with their families, then by God I was going to make sure they got the best I could give them.!! I feel it's the very least I can do. So we're waiting on them to get there when the guy who runs the terminal comes over to us. He told us thank you for coming on such short notice. That he really appreciated our support. Then he dropped the bomb..he said the guys coming in were the Puerto Rican National Guard and they weren't going to Iraq..they were going HOME! Their time here was up and they were going back home...to their families...for Christmas!! I was so happy I almost cried. I had walked around that place feeling like somebody had shot my dog only to have all that weight lifted off my shoulders. I don't think I have ever seen a happier bunch of soldiers when they finally got there. And I have to say I was so happy for them. What a great gift they were getting..the gift of home and family.

I am deeply saddened that because of deployment, I won't have my soldiers at my table for Christmas. But I'm truly grateful that 74 families just added an extra place at theirs.

Ground Zero Pt. 2

On Tuesday November 15th, the day after the award ceremony I made my trip to Ground Zero. My friend Brian who nominated me for the award was kind enough to take me there. I didn't realize at the time how hard it was going to be on him to revisit the site. He lost a very good friend in the collapse so it really wasn't a place I should have let him take me. But being a former Marine, he wasn't going to let anything stop him. So..off we went. We parked, walked around a bit and saw the NYPD memorial then made our way over to the site. He was in front of me and my husband walking along behind us. He walked up to a fence covered in green mesh and stopped. You could hear the beeping sounds of back hoes, cranes moving things around and dump trucks running. My heart was pounding as I looked thru the crack in the mesh. My first thought was, "that's it? That's the site?" It looked just like another construction site. But as you made your way along the fence you saw the posters.."Remembering 9/11" Tribute" "Reflect" Repledge" Never Forget" World Trade Center Memorial Fund" all of them reminding you that THIS is NOT just another construction site. We came to big gate and you got a better view of things. A policeman on the site told us we were looking at the only remaining piece of the original towers. It was a cement stairwell. Around the corner we found the subway station, with more posters and pictures. Around the next corner we found the WTC Tribute Museum. I wanted to go in but I felt so guilty about making Brian go thru it that I declined. But Brian..being Brian..tough guy that he is..insisted he was fine..that we were going in. Before I could protest anymore he paid the admission and we were in. I don't think any of us were expecting what we found inside. I have watched every special ever made on September 11. I have seen thousands of pictures. But until you're there..actually seeing it with your own eyes..you can't grasp it. One wall was covered with the "missing" posters family members made. The museum was sort of crowded so I didn't stay in one spot too long. I knew if I did I'd lose it. Then I came to this glass case..in it contained the picture you see above. It is the jacket of FDNY firefighter Jonathan Ilepi. I have seen his father Lee many times on the TV specials. I was so moved by his story that it haunted me for months after hearing it. He went to the site every single day at first with the hopes that his son was trapped yet alive. Then with just the hopes of bringing his son home. About 90 days later he was able to do just that. He returned to the site in the middle of the night to carry his beloved son out of the rubble. And now...here in front of me..was the jacket of that son. I pressed my fingertips to the cold glass and swallowed this big lump in my throat. I was not going to cry..i was not going cry..i was not going to cry..damn it! I look up and I see Brian. He's standing in front this huge wall of pictures. All smiling faces looking back..pictures of family vacations, weddings..all pictures of people who were lost. I walk over to Brian and he's looking at this one picture in particular. Quietly he says..that's my friend..that's Richie . He let's out this sigh and walks away. Now I'm feeling really good about dragging him down here. I felt so selfish and so bad. I turn to look for him and on the wall is a quilt made by children. Each square had a different saying but each one beginning with the words .."somewhere today...." Well that quilt did it..the tears started falling. I went down these stairs where I found both Brian and Bill. Brian called me over and showed me a tile that had been painted. On that tile was a paw print..it was Sirius' tile. On it was written, "he came when called".. after writing several tributes to Sirius I have a special fondness for him. I feel he is the forgotten victim simply because he is not a human. So seeing that finally somebody remembered him was more than I could take. Thankfully the restroom was right behind me. I went into a stall and sat..and sobbed. I cried tears for Lee Ilepi, for every smiling face I'd seen posted on the walls, for every family member who had to make those missing posters, the little boy who wrote a note to his dad and asked him to please come home, for every dream that was shattered on that day, for every life that was lost. I cried until I had nothing left. Once I regained my composure I went back out and finished my day. One thing is for sure though...I will never forget those tears I left behind at that museum.

Ground Zero

For the first time ever, I find myself sitting here with butterflies in my stomach because of the entry I'm about to write. I have put it off repeatedly for some reason..I guess because I simply can't find the words..I cannot express myself or my feelings about my visit to Ground Zero. September 11, 2001 changed my life, just like it did so many other people. Before that day I must have lived with my head in the sand or something. I have lived in Savannah my whole life. Savannah..a military town..so how could I have been so blind and ignorant in the meaning and validity of the military? I'm ashamed to say..I have no answer for that..the irony is that as I sit here with my stomach in knots three chinooks just flew over my house and shook the walls. LOL It took something as bad as September 11 to change me and wake me up. While I would never EVER say I'm glad it happened, I can say that I think I'm a much better person because of it. In fact I know I am. And I also know I will never forget.

I have wanted to make the trip to NYC since September 11. In the weeks that followed I was glued to the TV. Night and day the news was on.and I sat helplessly staring at a screen. Then i heard the story of Sirius..and of the other dog teams who worked so hard on the "pile". Being an animal person I wanted to say thank you to them. I started making red, white and blue dog pins out of tiny popsicle sticks. I hooked up with a website and they distributed them for me. Pretty soon they were popular and I was getting thank you cards from all over the place. I remember I gave one to a dog team here and it made me cry to see the handler bend down and place the pin on her dog's vest. I sent some to the White House and got a thank you note from the President. I never asked for any money and people couldn't understand why. Why I would spend so much time doing something for nothing. But it was never for nothing. Seeing those dogs wearing my pins..no money could buy that feeling? I was so proud..then the website went down..and I never heard from them again. I was so disappointed. But in between making the pins I decided to also do something for the helicopters I kept noticing flying over my house. We took 6 sheets of plywood and made a huge American flag. The choppers going over could easily see it and that made me feel good. Then my aunt and mother in law started asking me to join them at this thing called USO. I had heard of it but I had no idea what they did. I kept putting them off, making excuses. I didn't think I could handle it. I knew it would be a tough thing to do and I'm too emotional. But finally I gave in and after one flight I was hooked. So that brings us to the present..finally..my gosh!! When I fianlly made my trip to Ground Zero I was in NY because of my USO award. The whole circle of it all just overwhelmed me. I was finally going to the exact spot that started it ALL for me. The sacred place that formed me into the person I am now. My first glimpse of the site was from an 86th floor window. I asked this guy and he pointed it out to me. He said, " See those cranes way over there? Those are the cranes inside Ground Zero." It was cloudy and very hard to see but I stood and just soaked it in. I was making my trip there the next morning. I was preparing myself for what I might see. You can prepare all day for what you might see, but not even a lifetime can prepare you for what you will feel.........to be continued.