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Tuesday, July 29, 2008

A Great Loss


On July 25th my father in law passed away at 74 years old. He suffered long and hard for over a year. But now he is at peace. He was so many things to so many people. Proof of that could be clearly seen at the line of people (which went well out the door) paying their respects at the funeral home. Knowing him was like reading a book. At the age of 15 his sister "doctored" his birth certificate so he could join the Marine Corps Reserve. Which he did and not long after that he found himself in Korea. He was wounded twice and survived the battle of the Chosin Reservoir which earned him the name of the "Chosin Few". He was very proud of his military service, as he should have been. The saying "Once a Marine always a Marine" never rang so true as with him. He has a room filled with military memorabilia. When I took my soldiers over for Christmas one year he took them in there. He shared stories with them about his time in hell. They appreciated his wisdom and service.

After serving in the reserves, he came home to be the closest thing I've ever known to Forrest Gump! He bought him a shrimp boat and became a shrimp boat captain. He didn't have a friend named Bubba, his first mates name was Pork Chop. There wasn't much he didn't know about the river, the ocean and seafood.

Fast forward to today..we laid him to rest today. He had full military honors..21 gun salute, TAPS and bagpipe playing the Marine Corps Hymn . My husband has been very strong thru all of this..up until they were lowering his casket. Everyone else had left, except me my husband and my daughter. From a distance we watched them take the site down. First the chairs, then the tent..one thing after another. As they were getting things ready and putting the lid on the vault which held his remains..I heard the unmistakable cry of a red tailed hawk. He was an avid bird watcher and loved hawks. So I hear the cry and look over our heads and there's the majestic bird he spent so many hours watching. It swooped right over our heads. soaring and plunging with grace. I placed my hand on my husbands shoulder and said," Hey honey..there goes your dad. The hawk came down and has him now..he's soaring up in the sky over us now." He looked at me with tear filled eyes and said,"I hope so." The casket began to go down and as if on cue an Air Force jet flew over,then another..then the third. Just as the casket was out of our sight the third jet came over. My heart caught in my throat as I witnessed the most incredible coincidence of my life...as the casket settled the jet tipped his wings to the right and went straight up into the clear blue sky. None of this was planned and I couldn't believe what I just saw. I looked at my husband and asked," did you see that!!??" He was speechless and just shook his head yes. Then he said thank you. He said he was so lost in thought that he never would have noticed the hawk or the jets. He thanked me for pointing it out to him. I think he found great comfort in these incredible coincidences. I was so glad to be able to do that for him. RIP Sonny..may you always soar on the wings of your hawk

Thursday, July 24, 2008

American Rain


American Rain

I know for myself this 4th of July was different from years past. I usually have my family over for a cookout and we have fireworks. This year though it didn't happen. I'm not sure why, but it didn't. I remember grumbling because it just "didn't seem like the 4th." It was a little disappointing. Even though I had 3 of my soldiers, my friend John, my kids and my husband with me..it just didn't seem like the 4th.I'm not sure how I managed to do it, but I overlooked what I had been doing July 1st, 2nd and 3rd. It had slipped my mind that over those three days I had brought home several HUNDRED soldiers from Iraq. I had helped reunite all these families, yet it hadn't occurred to me. It wasn't until the night of the 6th that it all hit me. I, along with my other volunteers are standing on the tarmac waiting for a plane to come in. It's about 10 pm and as clear a night as you could ask for. I can see the lights of the plane..here it comes. As if on cue, just as the planes wheels touch the ground off in the distance, miles away, someone is setting off fireworks. But they hadn't been until the plane came. What an awesome coincidence!! A plane with 250 plus soldiers coming home from war and fireworks going off in the background. I was in awe. As I said it's 10pm so it's quite dark on the tarmac except for these huge lights that shine on the walkway to the plane. We're all standing in the shadows (not purposely) so the soldiers coming off the plane can't see us. We begin to applaud and cheer and they look over. As they look our way I step into the light..followed by my other volunteers. The soldiers faces lit up brighter than the runway lights! They were so thankful we were there. Each one had a big smile as they filed past. Then out of nowhere, not a cloud in the sky, it began to drizzle. Not enough to wet anything, but just enough to let you feel it. A soldier coming towards us stopped. He removed his helmet, tilted his face to the sky, held his arms wide open and as the rain drops fell he yelled," American Rain, American Rain!!! Thank You God..I love the rain!!" We all just stood there and watched this take place. Then he walked to us, gave the first lady a hug, and came to me and shook my hand. I told him welcome home and said ," I'll bet you didn't know, but we had it rain tonight just for you. We knew you were coming home." With an ear to ear grin he said, " Thank you mam, I never knew how much I missed rain......American rain." And he made his way inside the building. I saw him again later as he filed out to get on the bus. He waved his tiny American flag at me and bid me a goodnight. So after thinking of things..maybe the 4th of July wasn't such a disappointment after all. Maybe I should be thankful for every single thing in my life..whether it's big or small. One thing is for sure..I will always carry two images in my head..the fireworks going off in the sky behind that plane as it landed..and the image of that soldier with his face to the sky enjoying his American Rain.

My Perspective


My Perspective

I'm sitting here filled with so much emotion..a raw aching feeling in my heart. I know I should write something..I NEED and HAVE to write something. Yet I have no idea where to begin. I'm angry, I'm sad but most of all I'm reflecting. Reflecting over the last 15 months of my life. I can't watch TV anymore, because it makes me furious. I have yet to see a single commercial or program which deals with the meaning of Memorial Day. I see sales, cookouts, vacations..but no remembrance. Maybe if more people have spent the last months of their lives in the same way I have they'd get it. I was standing on the tarmac today next to the Adopt A Soldier lady here. We were standing in the rain bringing home a plane from Afghanistan. When the rain got too hard we moved under the over hang. We stood clapping as the soldiers made their way off the plane. The rain was really coming down..their first steps on American soil and it's pouring. But funny..they didn't seem to mind. I could hear someone yelling at them to do something with their weapons. In front of me stood 128 US soldiers..in the rain..fidgeting with the their weapons. I remarked to her that it doesn't seem real to be bringing home soldiers. She agreed. And then it hit me..since January of 2007, not a single month has gone by that I haven't sent off a plane. Every month..15 months..soldiers going out. thousands and thousands of faces and names. Hundreds of stories and memories. Each one burnt into my mind. haunted by ones who didn't come home. Thankful for each one who did or will. Plane after plane after plane. Waving to each one and praying for those on board..wondering if it will ever end..never ever getting used to seeing that line of backpacks walking to the stairs. Remembering every thank you mam..every word..every postcard or letter that gets placed in my hand. Every family that I feel I helped rip apart..Every hand I touch..every scared glance I return with a smile..every reassuring word I've given..every tear I've shed..every flag I've held..I too have had a 15 month deployment. I just never left home. So I ask of you..please..while doing your sale shopping..your BBQ's..your vacations...please take a moment and reflect and realize the meaning of this holiday. and say a prayer of thanks to all the families who will have that empty seat at their picnic table..that wedding that will never happen..that birthday that still comes but no reason to celebrate...please be grateful for the brave souls who sacrificed so much on our behalf.

Honoring Her Son


Honoring Her Son

Last week I was able to attend the homecoming of 294 soldiers from the 2nd Brigade Combat Team (2BCT) at Fort Stewart. The sun was shining ( it was hot!), the birds were singing and smiling faces were all around. Families had homemade signs, flowers and balloons all saying WELCOME HOME! It's an awesome thing to be there when soldiers come home from combat. The happiness and sheer joy can be felt in the air. So much so that you're almost able to forget where you are..you're almost able to ignore your surroundings, you're almost able to not notice the trees. But all you have to do is look left or look right..and there they are. They align the sides of Cotrell field with their majesty. Each one a testament to a fallen soldier..each one a living memorial. And they force you to remember those who didn't make it back. This day was no different. The welcome home ceremony was over. Family pictures were being made. People were milling about and leaving. Then I saw her..one lone mother with a bouquet of red, white and blue balloons blowing behind her in the breeze as she made her journey down that concrete path..making her way to her son..her sons' tree that is. This was her son's unit..they had come home. The other families got their soldiers back, she has a tree. The sadness of seeing her alone..walking down that long walk of trees.. made me silently praise her courage and strength. She made the trip to see the friends and comrades of her son come home. This had to be a painful day for her, yet there she was. And soon she wasn't alone, two soldiers had left their families and walked over to her and hugged her. As they stood looking at the tree one of them got weak in the knees and just sat straight down on the ground. The other knelt down and touched the granite marker engraved with the name of his friend. The mother stood between them, a hand resting on the back of each. Before long the Boy Scouts circled them and they all said a prayer. Then the Scouts left, the soldiers hugged the mom, walked back to their families and the mom was alone again. Just her and of course the tree

The Hardest Night


The Hardest Night

Last night I sent off a plane to Iraq. Out of the 4 years and hundreds of planes I've sent off, I think last night was the hardest yet. Driving to the airfield I saw the deploying soldiers with their families. I'm always grateful that I don't have to see this happening. But last night, there they were. I drove on with a sense of sadness. This is the hardest part of what I do. I sometimes feel I help in tearing families apart. Even though I know I don't, it can be very depressing. So I make it to the airfield and set up all of our tables and wait for the soldiers to get there. When they come in the building we're there to greet them as them come in a single file line. I notice one guy passes me with his arm bandaged. Hmmm..ouch. Once inside they eat chow and then come thru our line for the care bags we give them. With close to 200 soldiers in the room it's hard to spend a great deal of time talking to each one. So I'm handing out the bags and this one soldier was asking me about the CD in his bag. He's looking at it..and he starts sniffling. I thought he was pretending to cry. so jokingly I said,"what in the world are you crying about?" My heart almost stopped when he looked up..his eyes were brimmed with tears..he said," I miss my daughter..I didn't get to say goodbye." I told him it was ok..that he wasn't saying goodbye anyway..it was just see you later. he went on to tell me she would be five before he made it back home. It was his first child and that she was his life. I kept trying to console him. I slipped an angel penny into his hand as another soldier came up behind him. He moved on down the table away from me. I helped the next soldier, but kept my eye on the other. I finally lost sight of him in the sea of ACUs. A little while later I was talking to my other volunteer telling her about him. She said I should try to find him if it was bothering me so much. I looked and looked and never found him. A soldier overheard me talking to her..and he spoke up and said he knew who it was and he'd make him come back over to me. About 10 minutes later he came back and said he heard I was looking for him. I told him yes I was..that my aunt wanted to talk to him. So he went over and I saw her writing down his info. I went into the storeroom to get more supplies and as I was coming out he was coming toward me. I smiled at him and before I knew what happened he was hugging me and sobbing. Right in the middle of the busy room. His face was just buried in my neck and the sobs racked his body. I hugged him back and told him everything was going to be fine..please don't worry..it will be fine..I promise. I tried so hard to help him..I didn't know what to do. People were staring at us but I didn't care. At that point he and I were the only people in the room. I kept saying it will be ok ..and he kept saying yes mam..I finally had to let him go and with great reluctance he let me go. He looked down at me with the saddest eyes I've ever seen..he whispered..I'm sorry mam..I put my hand on his cheek and told him he nothing to be sorry for..he said thank you..and turned and walked away. By this time I too am crying..I'm trying so hard not to..but the tears are leaking out anyway. I went to the Adopt a Soldier table and found his card and got his name. About an hour later he was back at my table. He was trying to write a postcard home. But he couldn't write. He was the guy with the bandaged hand. I found out later he had dropped a TV on his hand and the pins were removed 4 weeks early so he could be deployed. Another soldier came up to him and wrote the post card for him. That was the most endearing sight. When they were finished writing he was walking away and I called him back over. I walked over to him and took my support our troops band off my wrist and gave it to him. "bring this back to me ok?" I told him. I told him I got his email and I was going to email him. Looking down at the wristband he said, "mam..what's your name?" I told him my name..and still looking down he said, "I want to thank you mam. I don't think you know how much you have helped me tonight..I really appreciate it." when he finally looked up his eyes were teared up again. I smiled and said..that's what I'm here for..and again he turned and walked away. I watched him go sit on the floor alone and look at the wristband. Then I put him on a plane and sent him away. And with a heavy heart I cried all the way home.

The Angel Penny and the Salute


Angel Penny and the Salute

I am currently in the midst of sending off the Indiana National Guard. This has been an amazing group of people to meet. They have been so gracious and friendly. I wish I could have met them all under different circumstances..a happier occasion than having to deploy them to Iraq. I was at one of the deployments the other night. I was standing at my postcard/letter writing table. I saw a young female approaching the table from my left. She had two cards in her hand. She stopped to place her cards in the mailbox we have for them. But before putting them in out of the corner of my eye I saw her close her eyes and kiss each one. Then I saw her put them up to her forehead as if she was filling them with her thoughts. As tears ran down her cheeks she ever so gently put the cards into the mailbox. Even though she was less than three feet from me I didn't want to invade on such a personal and private moment. She turned and went back over to her spot on the carpet. A while later I was going into our storeroom and she crossed right in front of me. I could she was still crying. I touched her arm and reached into my pocket and got something so tiny, yet so powerful..I got an angel penny, turned her hand over and placed it in her palm. I held onto her hand and looked in her eyes and told her not to worry..everything would be fine. With her bottom lip trembling she thanked me and I let her go. The time came for them to line up and she just happened to find herself in front of me again. She looked over and smiled. She held the penny up between two fingers and said," I still have it right here mam. I'll take good care of it." I knew in my heart that tiny penny meant something to her. She found comfort in a time and place that little comfort was available. I was glad I was there. The time came for them to board the plane. I'm standing inside the hallway looking into the room. One of the soldiers who had been training this group was standing next to me. I told him about seeing her cry and he asked me if I talked to her? I told him I did, but I didn't mention the penny. Then I saw her sitting up in the bleachers. She came down to find her place in the line. Her group started leaving and she came thru the doors and saw me standing there clapping for them as I always do. To my surprise to stopped in front of me, came to attention and saluted me. It took all I had to keep my composure. Then off she went to serve her country. The soldier next to me asked me if that was her? I shook my head that yes, it was. His next words I will never forget..he said, "Well, after seeing that..I'd say you helped her alright. I'd say you made a big difference to that young lady." I just stood quietly with my hand in my pocket rubbing an angel penny. Something so tiny yet so powerful.

It Matters


It Matters

When I was little I remember every time I left my grandmas house the last thing I saw was her waving. She stood in the doorway of the back door and waved, then went inside to her kitchen window and waved as we drove away. The last thing I always saw was her waving. I don't know if it's a southern thing or what, but I have carried on the tradition. I wave to my family until they're around the corner and out of sight and since being a USO volunteer..I wave to airplanes. I felt silly at first waving to a gigantic aircraft. But I knew the plane had windows and people were looking out. People who weren't going on a vacation. They were soldiers who were leaving their families behind and going into a foreign country. If anyone deserved to be waved to, it was the ones on that plane. So it began..the waving. With each flight I do my best to stay on the tarmac to see the plane off. And of course wave. I encourage anyone standing next to me to wave also. I tell them "not a sissy parade beauty queen wave..wave as if you're on a deserted island!" I have always wondered really if the soldiers on the planes noticed us out there. I knew some did..but I just always wondered still what it was like on the plane when they saw us. I had my question answered by one of the Indiana National Guardsman in an email to me. He had been outside with us on many deploying flights and I'm sure I wondered aloud about the waving. Well, he remembered. He said, "Oh by the way, we can see you waving. The whole plane got quiet and we all just watched you wave. I looked at the faces and wondered about all the things going thru their minds. Some of them even tried to wave back." When I read that email I cried. I cried so hard it surprised me. It was like years of questions and wondering had been answered. A sense of relief came over me because I KNEW something as simple as a wave mattered. It made a difference to those who needed it to. The thought of a deploying soldier looking out the plane window and seeing no one standing there has always been a thought I couldn't bear. The thought of them feeling abandoned was heartbreaking. I will do my very best to make sure that never happens on my watch. I will continue to wave. It's always the simple things we overlook so often. We take them for granted. My grandma passed away about 5 years ago. I'd give anything to see her wave just once more.