Ground Zero

For the first time ever, I find myself sitting here with butterflies in my stomach because of the entry I'm about to write. I have put it off repeatedly for some reason..I guess because I simply can't find the words..I cannot express myself or my feelings about my visit to Ground Zero. September 11, 2001 changed my life, just like it did so many other people. Before that day I must have lived with my head in the sand or something. I have lived in Savannah my whole life. Savannah..a military town..so how could I have been so blind and ignorant in the meaning and validity of the military? I'm ashamed to say..I have no answer for that..the irony is that as I sit here with my stomach in knots three chinooks just flew over my house and shook the walls. LOL It took something as bad as September 11 to change me and wake me up. While I would never EVER say I'm glad it happened, I can say that I think I'm a much better person because of it. In fact I know I am. And I also know I will never forget.

I have wanted to make the trip to NYC since September 11. In the weeks that followed I was glued to the TV. Night and day the news was on.and I sat helplessly staring at a screen. Then i heard the story of Sirius..and of the other dog teams who worked so hard on the "pile". Being an animal person I wanted to say thank you to them. I started making red, white and blue dog pins out of tiny popsicle sticks. I hooked up with a website and they distributed them for me. Pretty soon they were popular and I was getting thank you cards from all over the place. I remember I gave one to a dog team here and it made me cry to see the handler bend down and place the pin on her dog's vest. I sent some to the White House and got a thank you note from the President. I never asked for any money and people couldn't understand why. Why I would spend so much time doing something for nothing. But it was never for nothing. Seeing those dogs wearing my pins..no money could buy that feeling? I was so proud..then the website went down..and I never heard from them again. I was so disappointed. But in between making the pins I decided to also do something for the helicopters I kept noticing flying over my house. We took 6 sheets of plywood and made a huge American flag. The choppers going over could easily see it and that made me feel good. Then my aunt and mother in law started asking me to join them at this thing called USO. I had heard of it but I had no idea what they did. I kept putting them off, making excuses. I didn't think I could handle it. I knew it would be a tough thing to do and I'm too emotional. But finally I gave in and after one flight I was hooked. So that brings us to the present..finally..my gosh!! When I fianlly made my trip to Ground Zero I was in NY because of my USO award. The whole circle of it all just overwhelmed me. I was finally going to the exact spot that started it ALL for me. The sacred place that formed me into the person I am now. My first glimpse of the site was from an 86th floor window. I asked this guy and he pointed it out to me. He said, " See those cranes way over there? Those are the cranes inside Ground Zero." It was cloudy and very hard to see but I stood and just soaked it in. I was making my trip there the next morning. I was preparing myself for what I might see. You can prepare all day for what you might see, but not even a lifetime can prepare you for what you will feel.........to be continued.